


Found You

by clutterbug_kisses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Artist!Sirius, Ceo!Sirius, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, James Potter is a Good Friend, Kidnapping, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pining, Platonic Soulmates, Rich Sirius Black, Serendipity - Freeform, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 73
Words: 79,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clutterbug_kisses/pseuds/clutterbug_kisses
Summary: Each soulmate connection is unique. What connects them to one another is different for each couple. Some share tastes, some share soulmate tattoos, some share visions.Remus is convinced that even if he could find his soulmate, they wouldn't be able to handle the baggage that Remus brings with him. Luckily for him bad boy, entrepreneur, and artist  Sirius Black doesn't mind a bit of baggage. ( Wolfstar )Lily has just broken up with extremely toxic and abusive ex-boyfriend, Severus Snape. When a knight in shining armour attempts to save her based on a misunderstanding, will Lily be able to find love after trauma? ( Jily )Inspired a bit by "Moony - Judeyjude"
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 135
Kudos: 289





	1. The Beginning

"Make yourself at home. You already know where everything is, but I laid out some new towels in your bathroom." 

The two bedroom/two bathroom apartment had always treated Remus well. School was about a block away and he was employed at the bookstore below the apartment. Remus rarely wandered outside 1 mile of his apartment. He had convinced himself that everything he needed was within his walking distance.

"Remus, you're a great friend." Lily's voice cracked with tears running down her face. Her black eye was healing, but still prominent under her makeup. "You pointed out all the red flags and I ignored them. Then I call you after months..."

Remus didn't want to lie and say that it was ok. That calling him a liar and blocking him hadn't hurt. Remus knew even at the time not to give up. He knew what type of person Snape was and knew that sooner or later Lily would see that too. Lily had been desperate for attention after her sister got married. The need for that romantic attention and stability became infinitely more when two months after the wedding her mother died followed by her father shortly after. 

Even though Remus was more than happy to dropout and take a leave of absence from school, Lily thought it would be too much to ask. Remus was willing to do anything for Lily though. "Friends from the womb", their moms would say. They were only about one month apart and their mother had been so excited to raise their children together. This friendship built and soon he knew her better than anyone else. Their mothers at one point in middle school had thought that Lily and Remus were soulmates. Lily and Remus always knew otherwise. On her ankle, Lily had a design. She was certain that her soulmate had a similar one, and that person wasn't Remus. They had always been platonic. 

"You saved me and I'll pay you back." Lily looked at Remus with a determination in her eyes.

Remus couldn't take the intensity of her stare. He rolled her luggage to her room and shouted "I've had my eye out for an early copy of 'The Screwtape Letters' that ". Her laugh sounding through the apartment is exactly what he wanted.

"English majors are so boring in their requests."

With that Lily left to clean up and unpack. Leaving Remus to read. For first time since she blocked him, Remus felt like all his pieces were back.

-

Lily knew that Remus enjoyed his consistent life. He had trouble trusting which had been instilled into him at a young age after _the incident_. He liked not addressing the scars, covering the mirrors in the bathroom, and keeping to himself.

She had been the one to introduce him to Marlene, Dorcas, and the Prewitt Brothers. Their group hadn't met much after she started dating Severus. Lily's hand unintentionally brushed the handprints on her arm and very clear knuckle impressions left under her eye.

Anger bubbled in her. She didn't want to sit around anymore. Literally or figuratively. She wanted to find herself. Screw love, screw the design on her ankle that she had no control over. Lily had lost so much in the past months and wanted to find herself again. She wanted to go out tonight to prove to Severus...no to herself that she wasn't going to dwell and wait for life. She was going to grab all of it.

Lily slammed open her door. Remus was across the hall laying on his bed reading. He jumped at the sudden noise. 

"We're going out. I need to go do something."

Remus looked extremely hesitant. "Like what?"

Lily looked around the apartment and tried to think of what might interest them both on a busy Saturday night. "How about Main Street? We'll take the train down. Walk around some of the shops and when you’re done, I'll take you to the cute little bookstore over there."

An eyebrow was raised, and Lily knew she had him. He might put up a bit more of a fuss, but he would relent to go to a bookshop. "Not the big chain store, I want to go to that small one on the corner with original copies."

"Your request is not too unreasonable Remus, I relent." 

-

Main street was quite crowded. Remus didn't come here often because of this very reason. Lily worried that he would have a panic attack. The discomfort of how tight he held her hand was easier to deal with than a panic attack.

"Hold on to me and don't let go. I don't want anything to happen to you." Remus held her close.

Lily felt the need to remind him "No one is going to take me."

Remus' eyes darkened. She knew that reminding him of _the incident_ was a bad idea. They very rarely talked about it. She knew that the crossed scars on his face and the missing part of his earlobe was enough to be a constant reminder to him. He didn't like to be reminded that his friends knew what had happened to him. That they noticed his scars. His friends thinking he's a freak because of the events out of his control was a concern.

Remus still had his eyes trained on her. "You just left a crazy man who has proved that he has no regard for your life. He wasn't arrested and is still living his life as normal. He could come and slip through the crowd only to beat you in an alley and leave you to be found in the morning."

Lily knew that for Remus, this wasn't an unreasonable thought. She knew that wasn’t Severus’s MO. In the crowded street all he could see was someone like **him** coming for either of them. She just nodded her head and let him drag her to the bookstore. She knew that Remus wasn’t squeezing her hand to hurt her, but after bringing up what she did, she felt it best to give him what he needed to feel safe.

-

Remus browsed up and down the aisles. Even with the dissipated crowds, Remus held her close. Lily looked at a few books, but quickly became angry when she saw a woman rush her child out of the aisle after seeing Remus. Lily thought of Remus much like a pitbull. His scars looked menacing, but he was a lanky sweater-wearing tea drinker who put spiders in a cup and let them outside because 'they probably have a family waiting for them outside'. 

"I need to go sit down. I'll just be over in that chair. There is only one exit." Lily tried to sooth Remus.

"Of course." Remus distracted automatically replied. Lily could tell when the words hit him. Remus blushed and looked down. "I just don't want..."

"I know. I didn't mean to either..."

"I don't want you to leave. I don't want...I just want you to stay within eyesight, so I know where you are." Remus said. Lily kissed Remus on the cheek and squeezed his hand before letting go. 

There was a large purple couch at the front of the store. A man in a black suit was sitting in the chair next to it reading. His black messy hair stuck up in every direction. He kept pushing his glasses around and would flip the page every so often. Though it didn't look like he was too interested in the book.

After a moment the stranger whispered, "Are you safe?"

Lily had to look around to make sure that he was talking to her. The stranger seemed to be as he kept going with no one else within hearing distance.

"That man you arrived with is in the back. If you need help, I can help."

Lily was genuinely confused. "With what?" She whispered back.

The man's face went bright red. After a long pause, he pointed to her face. "Your makeup is quite lovely. I wanted to ask if you needed help with anything. I have resources for people who need...makeup."

Lily stared at him for a moment before it clicked. The dark purple bruise that was healing. He thought that Remus had done this to her. She thought she had hidden the bruise well, but apparently, she hadn’t. She was a bit embarrassed. "I'm fine, sir."

She almost laughed at the way the stranger seems to brush off her remark. He wasn’t listening to her words. He was trying to look into her soul and see past the words. After a moment he seemed content with what he saw. Enough to lean back in the chair.

"I apologize. I was eating down the street and saw him pulling you through the crowd." He ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't mean for that to sound so...creepy. I followed to make sure you were ok. I'm not sorry that I offered, just sorry if it creeped you out at all. You just never know."

Lily made direct eye contact, trying to look into his intentions. Severus had seemed to have only good intentions too at first. This man was dressed head to toe in the finest black suit she had ever seen. Dark, handsome, and seemingly full of good intentions. A dangerous combination for most girls.

There was something a bit different though. His smile was bright and reached his hazel eyes. His glasses were the thickest prescription she had ever seen. It seemed to magnify his soul hiding in his eyes. She saw people like Remus who hid their soul deep, friends like Marlene only showed their soul when they wanted, but this man held everything right at the surface.

"I'm sorry to have worried you. Remus is a good friend." They both continued to stare into each other’s eyes. Lily blushed and didn't know if she had completely soothed the stranger’s fears. He seemed to want to believe her, but still a bit defensive.

"Your dinner guest must be missing you. It’s rude to run out on your date."

The man laughed. "My mother did raise me not to leave a woman waiting. Tonight, I'm just taking some potential business and a mate out to eat. He's much more charming than I am. Probably able to get the job done faster than I could."

 ** _Not likely. You could charm anyone with those eyes._** Lily thought. Wanting to prolong her interaction with this man she offered "You can meet him if you'd like. Just to put your mind at complete ease."

"I'd like that to be honest. I'm just a stranger to you I know, but...." 

Lily laughed at the familiar trail off. "You sound just like Remus."

-

Remus wasn't as worried for Lily now that they were out of the crowd. Crowds made him nervous. People all blended together. It was easy to get lost. The smell of books was helping to calm him down.

He didn't like to remember his incident. He didn't like other people to comment on it. Lily wasn't trying to hurt him, but it had, nonetheless. After perusing the nonfiction, Remus found himself pouring over their collection of older books. The stares from staff and customers passing by didn’t escape his notice. He walked around carefully and made sure not to go down an aisle if there was only one other person.

Remus rarely made eye contact, even with himself. All of his mirrors were draped with cloth. The only times he saw himself were in the back of spoons, the metallic pieces on the bus, store windows, and such.

Remus started to hear Lily’s voice float closer to him. Down the aisle she walked with a complete stranger. Remus and the stranger made eye contact for a moment. His eyes scanned him up and down. The hazel eyes rested their search on his hands. It was one of the only places without scars. Remus felt to shove them in his pockets with the odd attention to them.

"Remus, this is..." Lily waved her hand towards the man. Did Lily not know this man's name? What was she thinking?

"James." reached his hand out for Remus. Remus shook it briefly. Lily seemed to send him a look that said **_Play nice._**

The three stood awkwardly in the center of the aisle. Remus went back to perusing the books while Lily stared and James, staring at Remus. Most people could only take the sight of Remus for so long before cringing.

Lily broke the silence. "He was worried about my eye...and you. Wanted to make sure I was ok. I thought it might put him at ease to meet you. Know that he did a good thing. Even if I didn't need it."

"Oh" Remus understood. Another person who saw him as a monster. Saw his scars and assumed that he had earned them instead of being subjected to them.

"I just wanted to make sure. We just did some training at work about it..."

Remus could tell that Lily immediately was interested to find more about this stranger. "Where do you work?"

James went red in the face. "I'm sure you haven't heard of it. It's just a company that manages other companies."

 ** _What a vague and concerning answer._** Remus was interested to hear more, but James didn’t seem to want to elaborate.

There was a silence between the three before James bowed his head. "I'll leave you to your evening. Thank you for not thinking to poorly of me for interrupting."

James walked down the aisle. Lily bounced up on the balls of her feet. Her eyes watched him leave. Remus rolled his eyes at the nervous energy pouring off of her. "Does he know your name?" Lily froze. "Go tell him before he has to just call you 'that girl' to his friends."

Lily ran down. Remus hear one bell of the door opening and then quickly another before Lily yelling down the road. 

"Lily!" was all she shouted at the man.

He turned around and glanced at her. "Your name, or favorite flower?"

"Yes." 


	2. Lilies

Remus was sure that Lily had not stopped thinking about the man from the bookstore. Remus had to admit, someone who went after people he thought were in trouble, was truly a knight in shining armor worthy of Lily. The problem was Lily didn't want to pursue him. She may have really liked him, but abuse tended to warp a person’s decisions.

Monday rolled around. Both roommates were settling in for school to start the next week. Remus was finishing his last semester. Lily was taking a few classes that had late sign up available.

Lily’s job hunt was not going well. She didn’t have a plan set up. Remus knew that she had dropped out of school at Severus’ suggestion. He had manipulated her into cutting ties with friends, morphing her identity with his, and not allowing her much room to dream something of her own.

Pulling Remus out of his thoughts was the sharp tapping door. **_Who in the world was knocking on his door?_** All expected guests knew that Remus didn't open the door unless they texted or called first.

Looking through the glass there was a rather large number of flowers. "Lily!" Lily stuck her head from her bathroom. Her hair wrapped up in a towel. “Who is it?”

Remus just shook his head. Panic started to rise in his throat without permission.

"I'll come get the door with you Remus."

Lily let her hair down. Her hands rested of Remus’ shoulders for a moment, trying to make eye contact. Remus refused. Remus knew there was no one there but couldn't help waiting for someone to grab him. 

_Flashback_

_Remus had been locked in this basement for an undeterminable amount of time. He hadn’t seen anyone but **him**. The only light came from the door at the top of the stairs. Remus loved the closed door. It meant safety. Remus had to worry when the light would flood the basement. The stairs would creak ten times. Boot hitting the concrete. The door would always be left open for the shadow to return up the stairs when he was done with Remus._

_Yes, Remus much preferred the closed door._

_End Flashback_

Remus helped Lily carry in 6 dozen lilies from the hallway. "If this was Severus, I swear..." Remus and Lily had not found the card. If it was Severus, Remus was worried that they would have to move to help keep Lily safe. He wouldn’t enjoy leaving, but would do it if Severus was pyscho enough to come after her.

They dug through the pile of flowers and finally found it. In the worst scrawled chicken scratch Remus ever saw, it read:

**There aren't many Remus'. I hope you'll pass these forward.**

Another sentence seemingly addressed to Lily instead of Remus.

**Shall I compare thee to a lily? Thou art more lovely...**

Remus rolled his eyes. Lily was in a mix of uncertain emotion and star struck. "That is so cheesy..." Lily scoffed but continued to read the card over and over again. Remus could tell that Lily didn't want to think about all the emotions coming up. "Did he leave a number or just a bunch of flowers and a cheesy joke?"

“He left a number.” Lily held up two tickets. "These as well. For an art exhibit tonight. One for you one for me."

Remus didn't want to go. He knew nothing about this person. Lily knew nothing about this person. He didn't want Lily to go and get her expectations too high. Moving so fast after a relationship would be crazy wouldn't it? Lily rushed to the bathroom. Remus could hear her humming over her hair dryer.

"I'm coming. The only reason is because this guy didn't even have the decency to stick around and help carry in 6 dozen flowers." Lily laughed at Remus' grumbling. "Did your Google search bring up any results?" 

Lily had spent the afternoon searching for James on the internet. There was nothing, well there was too much to narrow it down. "I'll get a last name tonight. Then next time his birthday..."

"So, there will be a next time already?"

Lily blushed. She didn't want to move into anything too fast. It was too much for her. Maybe just friends. She could do that. Have a really hot friend that found her, sent her flowers, made sure women felt safe, and probably tasted like caramel candy.

“What is the exhibit?"

Lily pulled up the article she had been reading and read out loud.

_Sirius Black, former entrepreneur, has put together an extravagant interactive exhibit. “Reflection” his newest addition to the nationally roaming exhibit is debuting here in his hometown. It’s said to have ties to his soulmate. Black has refused to comment on this theory. His paintings and sculptures will be available for sale. Black’s interactive exhibit has not been listing in the sale. Quoting “I just want people to come and experience what they see in the reflection.”. Black’s exhibit is the place to be for art lovers and collectors. This exhibit has had many people on edge to purchase the pieces._

_Sirius Black has been nominated for ‘30 Under 30’ in the category of artist and entrepreneur._

“Fancy. I wonder how James got the tickets.”

Lily took them out. It did seem like a fancy event. Premiere night didn’t seem like something you could get last minute for something that seemed to be ‘the place to be’. “I’m sure he got them from work. Maybe he works for one of Black’s companies.”

Lily’s hair started to smoke in her curling iron. She cursed the half-broken hair tool and finished the remaining pieces.

“You’re going in your purple dress?”

Lily glanced down. This was her best dress, did Remus think that it wasn’t ‘gallery’ acceptable.

“It says formal wear.”

Remus gave her a look before leaving the room.


	3. How I See You

"Lily!"

Both friends, who had just arrived off the train, spun on their heels. James stood there in a grey suit and his hair looked professionally done. It was tamed from the wild mane it was just a few days ago.

Lily looked up to Remus before James could reach them at the bottom of the steps.

"Please be nice. I know what you said about rebound after…” Lily looked at her hands. Remus wanted to reach down and comfort her, but she pulled together. “…and all that stuff you said on the train. He’s just a friend. Not even. I just think he could be a friend."

Remus agreed silently. Lily wanted to have fun. He would be there to make sure that James didn’t pull her into dangerous waters. James took Lily's hand helping her up the staircase.

"I'm so glad you could make it."

“Of course. It seems like a once in a lifetime thing. To see such a popular artist.”

James stared at Lily for a moment before throwing his head back laughing.

“You’ll lose your mind when I tell you I was able to get the artist to agree to a personal tour.”

Remus was impressed. The impression quick faded when Lily started complimenting James. Third wheeling had started.

* * *

Surprisingly, Remus really enjoyed the exhibit. It had painting inspired by some of his favorite books. Everything about the exhibit drew Remus to the pieces. Remus grabbed his own hands to keep from touching the pieces.

James was explaining some of the pieces. Apparently, he knew the artist personally.

“Sirius seems to get these visions and paints what he sees. That’s his big secret if you won’t spill it to the media.”

Lily giggled at the ‘naughty’ behavior of James. He would give her insights to the pieces that Remus had read on websites or had read from the information plaque.

Remus’ whole body locked when he saw the oil painting of a dark basement and an open door with light spilling down the stairs. The painting was tucked in a corner, yet the piece was so real it was almost a picture. James and Lily who were slightly behind caught up with him. Remus searched for a plaque but didn’t find one. He needed to know more about this one. He needed to know how this stranger had reached into his worst nightmares and painted it.

“Sirius is odd about this painting. Almost everyone who sees it wants to know more. He’s had some offers but says that the painting is too dark.” James glanced between his two guests. Lily had dropped his hand and Remus was locked into the painting. “I have no idea what he means of course. The focal point of this painting is literally light. He won’t do it though. Some guy from Maryland offered him over a million for it. Still wouldn’t sell it.”

Tears streamed down Remus’ face. Lily brushed them away before they could fall.

“What is it?”

Remus shook his head. “Just reminded me… I’m not there though.”

Lily went white in the face and asked over and over if he needed to go. Remus knew that Lily would want to see the rest. James seemed alarmed at the idea of Lily leaving.

“How about we see if Sirius is able to show us his new exhibit.”

“That would be perfect, right Lily?”

Lily seemed concerned still but let Remus alone.

James ran to the crowd of people. Pulling out the artist. Sirius Black, as all the signs read, had his hair pulled to the top of his head in a messy bun. The artist wore a brown suit and embraced James once they were clear of the crowd.

Lily dug her elbow into Remus’ side. He was exactly Remus’ type. They both knew it, but the question on his lips was not anything related to that. It was how he knew. How the man knew about the dark basement.

“Dear Lily, Remus, this is Sirius Black. My brother and partner in crime. He’s the artist of the night.”

Sirius took a bow and Lily’s hand, kissing it dramatically. “When James jumped up to chase a woman from the restaurant, I didn’t believe him when he said that she didn’t find him to be a crazy man.”

Lily’s face flushed. “I appreciated the concern. I was faltered by the tickets. Thank you for getting us in to a private show.”

“I told James that flowers wouldn’t be enough to woo a girl.”

Remus scoffed. Sirius brought his attention to Remus. Their eye contact made Remus squirm. Sirius didn’t roam his face like most others did. He didn’t settle on his ear trying to determine if it was a trick of the eye. He didn’t try to see if the scars went into his shirt or around his neck. It was all just eye contact.

“Please tell me you aren’t her boyfriend, or I would feel mortified for my brother here who is pining a little too obviously.”

“Just friends. Lily and I are friends.”

Sirius seemed to take in the information and glance back at James. They shared a look before he waved his hand towards the next set of doors. “Through here is the ‘Reflections’ exhibit.”

The exhibit was odd. At first glance there were random objects. A bus door, utensils on a table, a model figure in the store window. Sirius led them to the first of the items, the table. A yellow set of footprints were on the ground, indicating where to stand and another yellow dot where to look.

“There’s an audio that goes with it all, but since you have the real deal, I thought I’d narrate.”

Sirius positions the three just so before starting.

“This is meant to be a reflection on you. You don’t always get to see yourself, so look in the reflection and see yourself now. This is meant to be the start. The reflection is hard to see. While the reflection is there, the utensils are so small you can’t really see who you are.”

To the bus Sirius explained that the you traveled. When it did you saw where you were going. There was more metal surfaces to reflect on. Piece after piece was explained before they got to the last piece.

Remus looked to Lily fast enough to get whiplash. Her stare out of the corner of her eye noted that she saw it too.

The piece was a bathroom sink, draped in a black cloth. Almost a replica to Remus’ bathroom.

“This is the end of the day. Where we can choose to reflect or not.” Sirius stepped out in front of them all. “What did you think?”

James hugged Sirius with tears in his eyes. “I know you’ve done some soul searching lately, but this is incredible. I love the message.”

Sirius glanced at the two still in shock of the mirror. “The cloth doesn’t pull back, but I did hide a secret.” Opening the cupboard, there was a blue toothbrush, a bottle that looked like it held pills, and a note that said ‘Take when needed’ on an orange sticky note. Remus couldn’t deny it. Remus couldn’t hold it back. He had questions that needed answers.

“The painting you won’t sell. What is it of?”

Sirius was not expecting that questions. He stepped back a bit.

“It’s ok if you don’t like the exhibit. I’m used to being criticized. I’d just like to know what you think.”

After prolonged silence from everyone, Sirius awkwardly started. “I like to keep my private life private. I don’t share this kind of information with the media.” There was a deep breath before he said “I’m pretty sure I see my soulmate through the visions of art I create. ‘The Door’, the painting your referring to, is not mine to sell. It came to me and I painted it. It seems beautiful, but I know that there’s some negative emotions behind it I don’t understand.”

Remus nodded. “The exhibit was introspective. I see this being quite the talk of the town.” He started for the exit before looking back at Lily. “I’ll see you outside.”

“It was lovely. I have to go though.” Lily started to take off her heels to catch up with Remus.

James and Sirius both in confusion stood paralyzed. Sirius could not for the life of him justify what could have caused both guests to run off. He was concerned that James had chosen the most complicated woman to set his eyes on. James rushed to find paper and pen, stating that she needed his phone number, just in case they needed to call.

Sirius rolled his eyes. He walked back out of the exhibit. He tried to walk unnoticed to the corner with the oil painting of pain. Sirius hadn’t wanted to paint it, he hadn’t wanted to display it either. He never saw the appeal of it. It was just a door letting in some light. The vision with this painting had been so painful that the only way to get it out of his head was to paint it.

Secretly, he was glad to see that someone else had found a negative emotion to that painting.

James after a while found Sirius again speaking with potential buyers. The reaction from his new friends seemed odd. The personalness of the exhibit was not lost on him. At least James was there to uplift Sirius. Cheering Sirius up with alcohol tonight and tomorrow, a good hangover breakfast was the plan.

Maybe Lily would know some good places. He texted the number she had just placed in his phone. Lily had just made it clear outside that she wasn’t romantically interested in him. James knew that may have been the case for now, but James had decided that night in the bookstore, that she would be someone who could change his life. Romantically or not, he needed Lily in his life. She was important to him in some way. James would never admit it, but he believed that Sirius would also benefit from the pair of friends’ company.


	4. Pizza for Lunch

Remus woke up with a blinding headache. Was it: the horror of the painting; the mysterious stranger who seemed to have his memories; or the fact that he had been up until dawn staring at a black clothed mirror filled with a blue toothbrush, a bottle of pills, and a note written by his mother stating ‘Take as needed’?

Remus had tired of trying to find the answers around 1 am. Lily laid on his bed facing the door to the bathroom in order to watch him rearrange the items until she was too tired to stay awake. “Remus come to bed” she had whispered half asleep.

“How does he know though? I feel like someone has intruded on my life and I don’t even know them.”

Lily rolled the pillow under her head to prop her up. “Maybe…he’s your soulmate.”

Remus blanched. Soulmates had matching marks, or could taste the same things, or always know where the other was. Soulmates were never one sided. Remus did not have visions like Sirius obviously had. Beautiful visions of color that connected him to a soul that couldn’t be as dull as Remus’ had become.

“Maybe.” Remus had whispered it to himself. His companion fast asleep and the world quiet.

-

Sirius had sold almost all of the painting. The feeling of inadequacy from his first walk though for the exhibit last night had encouraged him to schmooze and charm the buyers who came to see what they wanted to add to their collections. Sirius had sold all but four.

James took him out to drink and bought the entire bar the first round. After that, the club bounced with energy. Everyone wanted to talk to them, touch them, flirt with them. It had been a blast. Last call sounded and walking to their taxi, Sirius remembered his bag was at the exhibit.

They stumbled into the gallery where Sirius saw the painting. ‘The Door’ he tried to hide when the gallery moved. There was a corner with enough space between the next wall to hang it. The painting would have only been seen if you were attentive enough.

This mysterious man had the audacity to come into his showing, walk through, not say a word, and demand to know about the more personal painting Sirius had. Well, not personal to Sirius. Drunk Sirius was mad that this other man had felt pain from the portrait. No one else had seen the painting for the horror that Sirius felt. In an act of pure drunk hatred, Sirius rips the frame right off the wall.

-

Marlene, Dorcas, Gideon, and Fabian had showed up for lunch the next day. The group was surprise when Remus said he had a craving for a pizza place that he had never been to. With his requests coming far and few between, the group readily agreed.

The pizzeria was almost empty, but Lily spotted two messy haired boys sitting in the back booth. Remus had apparently spotted them too, because he turned on the spot claiming he didn’t want pizza anymore. Gideon and the waitress were halfway to the table. Lily knew that Remus would feel trapped. Not wanting to leave just as they got there. The waitress tried to sit them a table one away from the two boys who looked half asleep at the table.

“Can we get another table?” Lily tried to advocate for the feelings Remus wouldn’t voice.

At the sound of her voice, James shot up and took in the group. Their table silverware clattered causing Sirius to groan. “Wake up we have company.” Sirius dug his head further into his arms, refusing to see who James was talking about. “Come sit with us darling.”

Dorcas shot a knowing look to Lily. The twins looked to Lily. All of them stood there awkwardly before Remus was too uncomfortable to still stand there. “It would be fine with me, if its fine with you.”

For the group that was all the permission they were looking for.

“Are you the James that Lily hasn’t shut up about?” Dorcas starting the conversation.

“I hope so. If she’s met another James in the last four day, it would be shocking.” James talking to Dorcas but looking right at Lily.

-

The rest of lunch were awkward exchanges while Remus tried not to look at the obviously hungover Sirius who fell asleep at the table. Remus with a headache of his own couldn’t blame him much. Fabian, Gideon, and James all started talking about the latest science fiction movie coming out to theaters.

“We were going to see the midnight premiere next week.” Gideon proudly proclaimed. “Not all of us were able to get tickets.”

Remus blushed. He had been the only one with work the next day. “Midnight would be a little late for me.”

“We could watch it at Sirius’ place. That was our plan anyway and Sirius has plenty of room.”

Remus could tell that Lily was just waiting to jump in and have something to say because she jumped before Remus could deny. “Of course, we would love to come.”


	5. Broken Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little background of Sirius. He also loses something that he's never been without.

Most times after Sirius woke up, he had an idea of something to sketch. Sirius had an entire shelf of sketch books filled with everything from horror scenes to cups of tea. These visions were not his own and after a while James suggested that they might be a soulmate type connection.

If it was, the connection had not brought anyone to him yet. It was never a face of the person he got these visions from. There were others. Women and men that were sketched down, but any reflective surface was too small for Sirius to get details on a face. That detail was in what reality caused Sirius to create his ‘Reflective’ exhibit. There were many nights and days Sirius sought to try to find himself in the mirror after he ran from home. Mrs. Potter had to replace many of the shattered pieces and clean Sirius’ hands after he couldn’t seem to find what he was looking for.

After a while, Mrs. Potter asked Sirius to sit a bit further from the mirror with an easel and paint what he saw. Some portraits would be wildly different from what he in reality looked like, some were almost a carbon copy. Eventually, Sirius learned the lesson his adoptive mother had wanted to teach him. Sirius could create the person he wanted to be and control his surroundings. Not just on a page, but in reality.

Sirius had studied art and business during his university time. When his uncle left him a large sum of money, James had suggested investing it in a business idea. Sirius had spent countless nights with James coming up with ideas for something that they could do together. No ideas of a business came to them. Sirius ended up investing a chunk of the money in a fellow classmate’s business idea. James and Sirius used their knowledge to help guide where the business should go. When the return on investment came, James suggested that this might be fun for them to do. Invest in other people’s dreams, make them a reality, help them along, and then move to the next person.

Sirius loved the idea and after five years, they had a successful ‘business’. James had taken over most of the operation when Sirius hit a big break on his art. Someone had wanted to set up a national gallery for him. Reluctantly, Sirius spent less time at their business and more time at his penthouse. Painting what ever came to his mind.

Sirius was truly happy with the day to day he lived. Living with his brother in a city he loved, painting, and helping people make their reality what they wanted. Sirius had it pretty good.

This day though, Sirius had no idea what to sketch. His mind wasn’t filled with colors and lines that created a scene clearly. In fact, that part of him seemed to be locked. As he searched harder, Sirius realized it wasn’t locked, it was gone. There was no place with dreams and thoughts that weren’t his own.

At this realization, Sirius punched the floor length mirror that hung on the back of his door. With himself shattered, he walked through the glass and started the coffee machine. Waiting for James to wake up. James would know what to do.


	6. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is James centered of the first 5 chapters.

‘Florence’ had been the place to go for weekend dinners. James had been trying to impress some potential investors in the business. Sirius had originally come up with the idea to make other people’s dreams come true, but James had taken over when Sirius wanted to pursue his own gallery. Everything for the business was still in Sirius’ name though. James didn’t need recognition or headlines like Sirius enjoyed.

Sirius had been in the middle of recounting the details of a particular business idea that they had set up for a young man in Canada. All of the men seemed fully engaged in the story. James was less interested having heard the story several times. He had been people watching when he saw a red head being pulled through the crowd by a man. She was absolutely stunning.

After a moment the man stopped them and had what seemed like a heated argument. The man’s face looked as though it had been sliced open and glued back together. While his sweater vest didn’t scream domestic abuse, but the large bruise the woman was obviously trying to hide did. James had the uncontrollable urge to make sure that woman was ok. James excused himself stating he needed to make a call.

The man started pulling her faster down the road stopping at a bookstore. James wanted to be as secretive as possible. Alerting the abuser could just make it worst for a victim. The couple went up and down the aisles before the woman stated she wanted to sit down. James ran to the front sitting area trying to look as natural as possible.

He had caught her attention and she had laughed a bit when he insinuated she might need help. She had also been thankful and offered to sooth his nerves by introducing the two. Remus had been introduced and James immediately liked the man. After the conversation stalled, James dismissed himself. The investors were probably gone, but Sirius would be concerned.

James was out the door before he realized that he didn’t have the woman’s name. He turned to go back in when he spotted her running out towards him. Like some romance novel they had yelled down the block at each other and she ducked back into the bookstore.

-

Sirius had quickly grown tired of James’ retelling of the way Lily’s eyes sparkled and seemed to draw him in. He had set his personal assistant on finding where the two might live. One Remus in the city left James with good odds that it was the same as+ the one he met. His assistant had joked that he should send as many flowers as they had in the store, but James had thought it was a brilliant idea.

Complaining to Sirius that he couldn’t think of how to see her again, Sirius offered two tickets and a private showing to his gallery. James crossed his fingers that she would show.

-

James had seen her walk up in that purple dress and was star struck. His mother had warned that the bruise on her eye may not have been from her friend, but to approach with caution. Her hand had fit so well in his though. She had leaned into him, laughed at his jokes, and made him the center of her attention. James would go in slowly to flirt more obvious and Lily would jump back, let go of his hand, or direct her attention elsewhere.

Remus had pointed out Sirius’ least favorite painting, the only comment Remus had made all night. Both of the friends’ attitudes changed on a dime. Remus seemed to be somewhere else in his thoughts and Lily watched Remus like a hawk. James would make a joke and they both seemed to not hear him.

A walk through the exhibit with Sirius left James in tears. His brother had an issue with mirrors for a long time before he had learned to paint. Showing the reflections was so personal and revealing. Two feeling Sirius was not used to feeling. The horror happened when his two guests had nothing positive to say about it. Remus had all but demanded information about Sirius’ painting.

For the first time out loud, Sirius had admitted that the painting were most likely from his soulmate connection. What had his guests done, run out! James was sure there had been a misunderstanding, but Lily wouldn’t explain. She had taken his number and sent him a text that they made it home safe but had not replied to his request for a breakfast recommendation.

-

James took Sirius out to get drunk, hyping him up as much as he could. It worked until Sirius asked to go back to the gallery. He stood at the painting for a half hour before ripping it right off the wall. Sirius and James in the penthouse decided to leave the painting laying against the wall.

-

They didn’t wake up until noon. Sirius was still a bit drunk, but demanded they get pizza. Unfortunately, the shop he wanted didn’t deliver. They sat in the booth waiting for their to-go pizza to be finished. Sirius was in and out, but James heard the familiar voice of Lily. A group of 6 people had arrived. The eye contact was undeniable, but she and Remus were both trying to convince the waitress to sit them somewhere else.

James offered them a seat hoping to talk and maybe become better friends. Their group agreed and Sirius dug his head in to sleep. The greasy pizza helped to wake James up and soon he was chatting on about the newest movie coming to theaters with Gideon and Fabian.

They were all on board for the next week. He sent the information to Gideon and held the door for the group before kicking Sirius awake, informing him of the plans he had made.


	7. Visions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Lily talk about soulmates and watch Twilight.

Remus took his days one at a time. He had never felt the days drag on as much as they had since the art show. Remus would be working the bookstore when someone with a scarf would walk by and all Remus could see were two small boys playing tug-a-war with a red and gold scarf. The smell of cigarettes had never appealed to Remus, until someone out on the snowy street had lit one. Then all Remus could think of was a brick alcove and the sense of a fast smoke before getting caught.

One night, of many, that Remus couldn’t sleep, he saw clearly a view from the top of a building over the city and a sting of snowflake hitting his skin. Even laying in bed, Remus looked at his hands and could feel the cold snow. The thought dismissed. Remus’ nerves often gave him phantom pain. It must have been that.

Lily had searched all week for a James Black online. She had complained that James had said the artist and him were brothers, yet Lily couldn’t find a single thing about him. All that came up was a suggestion of Jacob Black, which led the two to watching Twilight all week.

“You know, Edward just didn’t get that someone could love him even if he was a monster.”

Remus chuckled. “I don’t see how one can see someone with dark demons in their closet and want to go in.”

Lily paused the showing and the two sat a moment in silence. “I think one can love someone with demons because it shows strength to live with demons and remain unbroken.”

Remus had the suspicion Lily was not talking about the vampire. “I agree that someone who is strong and unbroken is a fine person to fall in love with. Some people break under the pressure. They end up needing everything to be set up just so. They need to protect themselves and some people just don’t get that.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Remus, you’re strong. Do you like consistency? Yes. Do you need more time to adjust then other people to change? Yes. Does that mean that someone can’t become part of your consistency? No.”

At the conversation becoming more direct, Remus reached for the remote. Lily jumped off the sofa and ran across the room. Remus chased her. The apartment was small, but Lily used the furniture to her advantage.

“Maybe you’ve always had visions and just blocked them out. Maybe you would have denied them. Maybe you would have used them to avoid your soulmate.”

Remus regretted telling Lily anything. She was using his feelings against him. He didn’t want Sirius and Sirius wouldn’t want him. A rich artist and businessman wanting someone who enjoyed their mundane life. That only happened in romance novels.

Remus and Lily ended in a stalemate one on each arm of the couch. “Lily, promise that you’ll let me take my time? Even if it is him, let me choose my pace.”

After a long stare off, Lily nodded. Remus feeling in a teasing mood took the remote and said, “You might have fallen in love at first sight, but that doesn’t mean that I have.”

Lily through a handful of popcorn and the movie was unpaused.


	8. Penthouse Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group goes to movie night at Sirius' and sees the penthouse for the first time.

Marlene and Dorcas were excited to see the penthouse. Gideon had looked up the address as soon as he got a chance. He had sent the pictures from the apartment website to the group chat.

-

**Gideon**

Have any of you looked up the address that he sent.

(3) Attachment(s) sent

**Marlene**

Holy Smokes! Is this a prank?

**Lily**

I don’t think James is that kind of prankster.

Also he did say it was Sirius’ place. He’s like a millionaire or something.

**Marlene**

Of course he’s not. Perfect gentleman for lovely Lily. 😉

Does Sirius have someone he’s entangled with?

**Dorcas**

I’m pretty sure you are already engaged to me.

**Fabian**

Are you going to be good with the movie Remus?

**Remus**

I’d rather wait for the verdict from you guys but it’s rude to turn down an invitation.

Trailer looks fine. It will be nice to not have to walk out of a theater if needs be.

**Dorcas**

That last manager was horrible. Kicking you out for sitting on the bench.

**Remus**

Not many people go to the movie and leave halfway.

**Fabian**

You were waiting for us…

Whatever with a home theater we will be able to change it if needs be.

-

Lily had been bouncing all day. They were all standing outside the penthouse waiting for Remus. Remus had a late customer which put of closing and he missed the train. Remus had assured her that they could go up and he would be there when he could. James came off the elevator and motioned to the front desk, who led them to the guest elevator.

“We have one more coming, but I’ll have Sirius send him the code.”

With that the front desk attendant was dismissed. The ride was long as they went up 30 stories. The entire group was watching out the window as the street below became smaller and smaller. The elevator opened directly to the penthouse. Lily noted that it was definitely the penthouse of an artist. The walls were painted with murals. There were stacked notebooks on every table and counter. There was minimal furniture besides a few standing pieces of art. James was pointing out the features when they all heard the shattering of glass.

James ran to one of the rooms and threw the door into the wall. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Sirius came out clutching his hand. There were bits of mirror he kicked out the door.

“It’s been more than a week and its still gone James. I don’t see anything.”

James looked over his shoulder at the concerned guests. Gideon stepped forward first and offered to take Sirius into the kitchen. He was used to nursing both at work and for his friends who often would find trouble. Sirius reluctantly followed. James threw Gideon the first aid kit from the bathroom.

Once the two boys were gone, James used a low voice to ensure he wasn’t heard. “Sirius has had a difficult time finding a muse after the last show if you wouldn’t bring it up.”

Everyone nodded. Lily wanted to shout that Remus had found it. That Sirius and Remus had this odd soulmate bound that had bounced between them, or transferred, or something. To be honest, Remus seemed to not fully believe her, but somewhere deep in her, she knew that Sirius was his one.

“Let’s head to that movie room of yours and set up. Dorcas likes to inspect each seat at the theater, I have a theory that she’ll do that here too.”

Dorcas looked offended, but the rest of the group laughed a bit at her expense. As hard as she tried to hide it, Lily still saw her look over all the seat and their distance and angle from the screen. Dorcas settled on a seat and Marlene sat to her right on an end cap. Lily chose the seat to her left. The method may seem crazy, but Dorcas always found the best seating. James came to sit in the seat next to Lily. As much as Lily wanted an excuse to James, Remus had claim to the aisle next to someone in the group. While the rest of the group was very kind, without knowing if something would set Remus off in the movie, Lily had the most experience and the gentlest touch when it came to Remus.

“This one is for Remus”

James face remained neutral, but the light in his eyes dimmed. “Of course.”

“It’s not what you think.” She looked to Marlene and Dorcas for help. Both shrugged their shoulders. They all knew Remus was particular about what information was shared while he wasn’t around. The group didn’t want to feel like they were gossiping. “Please just know that it’s for a just cause.”

“Of course” James repeated. He moved to the seat behind and to the right of Lily. She turned in her seat so they could still talk.

“I didn’t think the two of you were an item…”

The room went still. Lily didn’t want to approach the subject of dating with James.

“We’re not. Remus doesn’t really date.” Lily knew she had to say it. She had practiced in her bathroom mirror things that she could say. “Right now, I don’t either. I’m not looking for anything.” James face did react. He turned from questioning to defeated in a second. “It’s a long story, but I’m helping Remus tonight.”

James nodded. “I understand, as much as I can with none of the information.”

Marlene decided to step in for the defense. “Remus has been through a lot. He’s a private person and we’d like to respect that.”

James was shocked at her harsh tone but had the decency to drop the subject.


	9. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets taken to jail because of a misunderstanding. James gets a bit of an insight to Remus.
> 
> A/N - I love this chapter and the idea came so clearly. <3 hope you enjoy

Remus arrived at the large building. The front desk person made eye contact and the color drained from his face.

“I’m looking for access to the penthouse.”

The woman looked up at him. “Only invited guests are allowed into the elevators sir.”

Remus rolled his eyes internally. “I’ll see what I can get for you.” He went to grab his phone to text Lily for some help. The woman made a noise and made a quick movement. The doors made a loud sound as they were locked. The glass that the woman was behind fogged up and another bolt sounded at the door to the closed area the front desk.

After a few moments, sirens could be heard getting closer and soon there were two armed police at the door pointing their weapons through the glass. Remus raised his arms to show that he was unarmed. It was about twice a year that Remus had to deal with cops in some way or another. Suspicious man walking around a store staring at the merchandise too long. One time he had found a little girl outside a shop and he had simply entered the store with her to report a missing child. The mother had just so happened to be coming out at the same time and called to have him arrested for attempted kidnapping. Remus had broken down on the street there. There were too many flashback and thoughts in his head. He was uncooperative with the officers because of the panic attack. They had taken it as a sign of guilt and had used two tasers, one on the street and one to the station.

Lily was outraged. Marlene had gone on a rant about the mentally ill and social workers. Had yelled that Remus had been unarmed and tazed more than was necessary. Remus did get an official apology from the chief, but that didn’t undo the damage. Remus tried to be more aware of what he looked like to others from then on. Hanging back when children were without parents, not browsing a shop too long, or visiting too often. At work he tried to smile, but most customers were more put off by the way only one side of his face would pull up.

-

Lily kept checking her phone for Remus to call. After about a half hour, she got a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Lily it’s me.” Remus voice was resigned, and she could tell he had been crying. “I’m at the police station. If you could just tell the group that I’ll be a while. Start the movie and I’ll just meet you back at the apartment.”

“Remus what happened?” Lily’s tone caught everyone’s attention.

“I was just trying to get up to the penthouse, but without a guest permission list or pin, she thought I was going to pull a gun to force my way into the elevators.”

Lily had grabbed her bag and with her shoes in hand was running for the elevator. “Remus had another run in with the police” she informed the group.

Fabian started to reach for his phone as well and made the call the group was familiar with. Calling the attorney to send to be a mediator with the police. When they saw the Remus had a record, police tended to treat Remus poorly.

“Listen Remus. Don’t say anything. You didn’t do anything but wait for Kingsley to get there.”

Remus went silent and for a moment Lily thought he had hung up. “You were excited. I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“Lily what’s going on?” James had opened the elevator and followed her in. All Lily could think about was Remus.

“I think I’m 30 minutes out. Do you need me on the phone?”

“I’m actually on a time limit.”

Lily tried to put all the confidence in her voice “I’m going to be there in no more than 30 minutes ok. You can do this.”

The line went dead, and Lily’s heart sunk. Reaching the lobby there was an officer taking a statement from someone working at the front desk. Lily put on her shoes and using all of her might chose not to punch the prejudice little girl in the face.

“Are you going to walk?” James asked.

“The train will be just as slow. I think it’s only about one mile. I’m going to run most the way. Marlene knows to wait until I have more information and Dorcas will stay to keep her calm. Gideon and Fabian usually are on legal team.”

James shook his head and led her to another set of elevators. “How about I drive you there?” If Lily hadn’t told herself a hundred times that she wouldn’t kiss James today, she would have right there.

-

As they drove it was nearly silent.

“Would you like to talk? It’s still 10 minutes out.”

James offer was very sweet, and Lily thought that for his kindness she could offer something in return.

“What would you like to ask?”

James pondered for a moment. “What is your last name?”

In that moment Lily laughed. The tension was so thick, yet this man had turned it to melted butter. “Evans.”

James smiled and looked at her from the corner of his eyes. “Are you going to ask what mine is?” Lily found this inquiry odd.

“You and Sirius are brothers, aren’t you? That makes you a Black too?”

Now it was James turn to laugh. Lily didn’t think the deduction was that absurd though.

“No. Brothers in everything but blood. My last name is Potter.”

The minutes felt like hours. Lily couldn’t stand the unspoken question in the car. “He didn’t do anything. The girl thought he was trying to force his way up the penthouse and had a gun.”

James gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. “Why didn’t they let him go when they got there?”

Lily pondered the appropriate amount of information that could be shared. “Remus has a track record for being arrested for things. People see him as suspicious. It’s their department policy to take someone down when they have a track record that long. Though none of them are actually things he did, he’s listed as charged for some of them. It’s been hard to appeal.”

Both were relieved when they pulled up to the station. The nice receptionist Lily had spoken with many times at their appeal meeting and when she had come to pick Remus up was there.

“Debbie, Remus is here. Am I able to go back yet?”

Debbie checked over his status and nodded her head. “Room 3.” The guest badges were handed out and Lily lead James to the all too familiar room.


	10. Ways to Spend a Friday Night

Remus had his head on the table. His hands were cuffed to the table. Lily had rushed over to him as soon as the officer stepped from the door. James wanted so badly to rush over as well. He didn’t think it was his place though. She spoke in hushed tones to Remus while she rubbed his back. James stuck his head out the door to find an officer. “We need someone in here to unlock the cuffs.”

Thankfully, after a few minutes an officer came and removed the cuffs. “You need to stay in the room though. If you attempt to leave, it will be another process.”

Remus nodded. Lily was about to lit something on fire with her stare. He made a quick exit to escape the wrath about to come out of her. James didn’t know if it would be best to come closer or leave. “What would be best for me to do?”

Remus mumbled something to Lily.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t have to be now.”

With Lily’s obvious reluctance, Remus motioned for James to sit. “This happens once in a while. The scars make me look suspicious. I’ve sent to mental institutions a few times, so they have to be extra cautious. Don’t want a crazy person on the loose for too long.”

Another man had entered the room at that point. He was dressed in a purple work suit. “You’re new. I do have to make it clear that Lily is allowed in the room while you interrogate.”

“Kingsley he’s actually a new friend. He gave me a ride from where we were at.”

Kingsley seemed to relax with the answer.

Remus seemed to preemptively answer the lawman’s questions. “I was cooperative. She thought I had a gun and hit the panic button. I didn’t have any weapons and the officer wouldn’t question me at site. I haven’t missed any sessions with my therapist either.”

“Well I’ll go talk to them and get everything sorted. Legally, this shouldn’t go on record as charged.”

-

After paperwork was filled out at the station, James offered to take Lily and Remus back to their apartment. Remus insisted that it was a Friday night and that they should try to make the most of the rest of it. Lily found what she was looking for in his face, because she agreed.

They entered the building and James thought for a moment what he could do to help Remus for this not to happen again. Another attendant was at the front desk, thankfully. James asked to fill out a permitted guest form. One for Lily and one for Remus. They offered IDs and photos. Both were cleared.

“Now when you come back, you shouldn’t have any problems.”

Lily’s eyes shined with tears. Remus shifted back and forth obviously uncomfortable with the attention. After Remus walked off a bit towards the elevator, Lily grabbed James hand. She pulled him back and mouthed a thank you before running off to catch the elevator.

James had always been taught that doing the right thing was a prize in and of itself, but in that moment, James knew deep down, that Lily was what he needed for the rest of his life. James wanted to be a good man for something more than just the sake of being a good man. He wanted to be a good man to make the world she lived in the best place.

Even if he didn’t see that matching mark on her. James’ mark had always resided on his right bicep. Lily that night at the gallery had clearly not had a matching one. His heart had dropped into his stomach at the sight of her, but it ached to not see it there. There had been the swirling thoughts in his head that she was his, but that night confirmed that she didn’t seem to be.

-

In the apartment, Marlene was pacing and screaming. Sirius ever the hype man was agreeing to everything she was saying. She was talking about how water isn’t wet, or it is wet, or something. Honestly, James couldn’t follow. Though her energy matched Sirius’ quite well. To the surprise of James, Sirius had a sketch book in his hands. He was sketching something with a passion. Something he hadn’t done all week.

Gideon and Fabian had taken to the pool table. Dorcas was cooking something. All acknowledged Remus from the place they were at, but James thought that Remus was grateful not to be crowded at the door.

They all awaited a signal from the arriving party. Lily smiled and nodded. “I think we had a science fiction movie to enjoy.” Lily started a party with one sentence.

The night went off without more drama. The movie was good, and the group made commentary on the movie after the credits rolled. Lily had moved to the back row with James after the movie was over to show him something on her phone and didn’t move from the seat for the rest of the night, so neither did James. The entire party fell asleep in various places around the house.

James had never felt like his life had missed much, but these people were the addition he didn’t think he could live without anymore.


	11. Ways to Spend a Friday Night Part 2

James left Sirius with all of the new house guests. At first, Sirius didn’t know what to do, but after suggesting a game of charades, the group’s tension eased, and a party restarted.

After a few rounds, one of the guesses were contested, which Sirius had never known was a thing. The word had been wet, but the word that was guessed was water. Dorcas who had been acting out the word had told her team that they had guessed it. At that response, Marlene got up and started explaining the rules of charades, the difference between nouns and their connected adjectives, and how water isn’t wet.

Five minutes into the tirade, Dorcas asked if she could use the kitchen. Sirius told her that if she could find unexpired food that wasn’t take out, to be his guest. Gideon and Fabian left to rack up on the pool table. Marlene continued on her tirade, but in a moment, Sirius got a flash of a vision. Something he had been missing sorely. He reached for his sketch book and started drawing. The view of the city from the backseat window of a car. The notes of emotion were all mixed. Relieved, embarrassed, vulnerable, and anticipation. He was finishing the sketch when James and the woman he was pining after walked in. Remus behind them by a step or two.

Sirius had not taken a good look at Remus the first night they met. He was more focused on getting a read on the red head. James seemed not to fall for girls too often, but his emotions were strong and unwavering when he did. Sirius didn’t want James to get too invested if the girl was obviously a heart breaker.

Remus was about a head taller than Sirius. The scars running down his face screamed fighter, but his sweater and khaki combo far outweighed the noise and screamed book nerd. His sandy blond hair was obviously cut at home as the pieces were all uneven. Sirius couldn’t get Remus to meet his eyes the whole night, but when he caught the side view, Sirius saw that Remus hid his soul deep within himself. He could tell, because Sirius saw something similar when he first began to paint. Everything hidden and locked from the world. All his movements calculated, and words chosen with forethought.

At one point in the early morning, Remus had walked into the kitchen to grab water. Sirius was lounging on the couch. He didn’t think that Remus had noticed him because all of his movements were soft. In the moment, he saw visions of his own hands going to trace Remus’ scars and felt Remus mimic the movements on his own face. When it faded out, Sirius saw the intense hazel eyes staring at him with unknown passion. The connection was broken as soon as Sirius had made it clear that he was aware of the attention.

Thoughts and emotions began to overwhelm Sirius. Coming back to himself, the water was left untouched on the counter. The elevator closed with Remus inside of it without another glance.


	12. A Spark of Sorts

Remus was so sure that Sirius had seen it too. The clear vision of Remus in the kitchen and Sirius unflinching touching his scars. Remus would have thought it were real if Sirius wasn’t so far away on the couch when he came out of it. The problem Remus faced was that was not a realistic event.

There were only three people who would touch his scars. His doctors would run their fingers over the scars meticulously with every intention to simply make sure that scar tissue was not building poorly. Hope Lupin would run her fingers over them when he was asleep. She would be sobbing as quietly as she could whispering unwarranted apologies. Lily would run her fingers over them in pity. Lily didn’t pity Remus in any other fashion, but in the early hours of the day after nightmares plagued him, Lily would run her fingers over them to help with his phantom pains. Her eyes would try to remain neutral, but when she brushed over a thick portion of a scar she would flinch. Even his best friend, who had known him scar-less was bothered by them.

There was hope though. Hope in Remus that hadn’t been there ever since he woke up in the hospital. Hopes that someone would touch him and know that Remus was broken, yet loved him because of it. Knew that Remus had lost pieces, broken pieces, and pieces he had spent hours putting back into place. Someone in Remus’ dream would help him put together his puzzle knowing that the picture wouldn’t ever be whole.

Looking at the spirit and soul in Sirius, he could see that Sirius had found his own pieces. Sirius knew who he was and what he wanted. There wasn’t time to slow down for someone who didn’t have that path. Sirius seemed to like adventure and chasing after what he wanted. Remus liked to stay in his comfort zone, moving slowly when he needed to reach out beyond that.

-

The bookstore was busy as expected on a Saturday afternoon. He enjoyed the distraction. Around closing Remus say Lily jump out of a car with James and Sirius. She was obviously pointing out their apartment above the shop and then pointed into the store. Remus prayed to whatever was out there that they wouldn’t want to come in. Powers were conspiring against him because at the slowest part of the day when Remus had no other distractions, Miss Lily Evens led Sirius Black into the bookstore.

Remus softly waved to them. He didn’t want to seem too unfriendly.

“Look around if you’d like. Remus gets shipments on Friday so there’s some good stuff in stock.”

James and Sirius seemed genuinely interested in some of the shelves. Lily grabbed Remus’ upper arm and pulled him around the back room.

“You left this morning without me. I was worried.”

“Lily, I was fine. You were sleeping quite well, and I didn’t think James could pass up an opportunity to walk you home.”

Lily blushed bright red down her neck. “He just said that he’d be interested in the café next door for dinner. We came over to invite you too.”

“Are you sure you want to move so fast with James?”

“What do you mean? We’re just friends. I told him as much yesterday.”

Remus couldn’t help but worry. Even as she said that her eyes searched out the messy black hair.

“Men and women can be friends. It can be hard when that man obviously wants something more and then proceeds to take her on not-dates.” Remus didn’t know how to phrase the next section politely, but it needed to be said. “People can start to treat you in a way that makes you feel like you owe them what they want. I think you might be in a vulnerable place receiving attention like that.”

Lily went back and forth between angry and contemplative. “It feels nice to have someone be attentive. I don’t want to use him.”

“Friendship is a mutual relationship; I just don’t want him to use that against you to get more.”

Lily had tears streaming down her face. “He doesn’t have anything on his ankle. His pant leg rode up a bit this morning and I wasn’t able to see anything.”

Remus all of the sudden realized why Lily was so confused on what to do. Lily had expressed that she thought he was the one. That he was her knight and she would go slow, but eventually they would come together and be soulmates. Not seeing that mark would have sent her into a spiral of what to do with her feelings now.

“I’m going to tell you something and you aren’t going to do anything about it ok?”

Lily was surprised at the sudden change. “Ok.”

“I saw something. Something me and Sirius related.” Lily’s face brightened and began to bounce. “I think he saw it too. I don’t know how to approach that.”

Lily wiped her eyes and immediate went into scheming mode. “You could start with a not-double-date at the café next door.” She winked at him and Remus had to admit. A meal of being able to stare at Sirius was not going to be any sort of pain to him.


	13. Fiasco at the Cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of drama...
> 
> A/N: Comment if you'd like to see sirius/james version of this chapter or just to the next scene where James and Sirius get a tour of their apartment. Thank you all for reading :)

“It’s true. I had white ribbon on my dress and my sister cut off the sleeves so there was no white other than her at the wedding.”

James and Sirius were laughing so hard that Remus had almost found it amusing too. Being there was a whole other story. Petunia had grabbed scissors and chased Lily down. Lily at the time had thought Petunia meant to cut off her hair. Remus had to help Lily sew the shoulders of the dress to make it look more natural.

The group had been enjoying the café to themselves. Not many people were interested in coffee and sandwiches on a Saturday night. James had taken the seat next to Lily before Remus had even gotten back from the counter leaving him to sit next to Sirius.

“What about you Remus? Tell us about your family.”

Remus knew that Sirius meant well, but family was a touchy subject. “My dad no longer with us, and my mom lives in the countryside. I try to call once a week at-least, we just spent the holidays there.”

Remus was not enjoying the attention. Lily was always good at reading that in Remus though. She started chatting about her latest job search. She had been looking to waitress or temp somewhere to fill her time. James had suggested that she apply with the company he works for.

“You never did tell me what you did James.”

“I work with Sirius investing in people’s business and helping them set up their company. We help them out the first few years and then find the next idea.”

 ** _A real knight in shining armor_** Remus thought. He couldn’t help but note that meant James was most likely super rich as well. Someone who was most likely used to getting his way with a bit of money.

Sirius turned to Remus trying to start a conversation again. “What would you like to do with your English degree?”

Why Sirius was constantly turning the attention back to Remus, he didn’t know. He almost felt like it was a person interrogation. “I plan on working in publishing. I’ve written one book and plan on writing more, but publishing is something a little more consistent.”

“Is the book something you think I would find interesting?”

This was a point that Remus never liked to talk about much, but he felt trapped in a corner. “I wrote a book about my experience as a teenager. Someone approached me and said that if I wrote about it, they could sell it.” Oh, how Remus regretted that. He would have hung up the phone and gone about his day if he had known what he knew now. “Got a bit of a paycheck, but basically sold my soul and lots of people now know about my personal life.”

James and Sirius was obviously waiting for Remus to explain or go on more about the book. Lily tried to jump in and explain. “Remus really likes people to wait and read it until he knows them better if they haven’t already.”

James looked confused. “Bunch of embarrassing stories about a girl then? Some big party in high school?”

James hadn’t tried to set Remus off. He really hadn’t, but something inside Remus snapped. He resented that James seemed to try and make light of the unknown situation.

“I was kidnapped for a year by my dad’s coworker.”

Remus couldn’t help but feel satisfied as the playfulness dropped from James face and was replaced with shame. After a beat, Remus felt shame as well. Insensitivity was not James’ goal; it just was the result by accident. Before anyone else could speak, Sirius spoke up.

“We’ll wait until you gift us a copy of it then.” Sirius tried to add some light back into the conversations, and funny enough, it worked. James held up his hand in a fake pledge as well. “Any ideas of what your next book will be?”

“He’s writing a children’s book, but he hasn’t found an illustrator.”

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ shoulders, an intimate act that Remus and Lily were both surprised by, and he had the smile of the Cheshire cat. “I know of a pretty good artist who might have some free time.”

Remus wasn’t used to being this vulnerable. “I think I’m good on my own.”

“Are you?”

The mood shift made it known that Sirius was alluding to something different entirely. Remus didn’t want to approach this subject at all. In public or in private. They were locked in a silent battle of wills. Sirius wanting Remus to fight back and Remus wanting Sirius to back down.

-

“I’m going to take both bills to the front counter and pay. Lily would you like to join me?”

Lily did not want James to pay for her meal. That would be a little too close to a date for her. Remus had been right about not letting a new friend get the wrong impression. With the two across from her fighting some unspoken battle with their eyes, she felt like she needed to stay and back Remus.

“Leave my bill. I’ll take care of it myself.”

“I really insist. I was raised to take care of ladies in my presence.”

This hit a nerve. Severus would say similar things when they were out. That a man was meant to take care of a woman. Women were meant to be docile and sit back while someone else was in charge. She wasn’t going to let this man she’d known for less than a month tell her she couldn’t pay for her own dinner.

“I really must insist that I’m not a lady in your sense of the term then. I’ll be taking care of my own meal.”

James passed his eyes between Remus and Sirius. “How about we go pay together. I’d have something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“I won’t be convinced to do something I don’t want. I’m paying for my meal.”

“Lily don’t you think we could talk about this over there?”

Remus broke eye contact with Sirius long enough to glare at James. “Anything you need to say to her should be gentlemanly enough to say it in front of me.”

Fire lit behind James eyes. The usual carefree man was enraged by the insinuation Remus was making. Lily wanted to reach her hand over to his and calm him down, but the last time she had done that to someone this enraged she had ended up with a black eye.

James went to grab her hand, but so deep in thoughts of her last relationship she instinctively flinched. Lots of things happened at once. Remus shot up fast enough to concern James. James tried to step in front Lily ready to confront Remus. Sirius was trying to talk the boys down. Saying something about how there was no reason to make this more than it was. Lily could see the mistake before it happened. Sirius placed his hand on Remus’ chest and all hell broke loose.

If Remus wasn’t ready for it, touching his torso was the worst thing you could do to calm him down. In a panic, Remus’ fist connected with Sirius’ nose. Thankfully no one else was in the café but the waitress. There was no audience for the absolute fiasco this had become.


	14. Fiasco at the Cafe Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookstore and Cafe scene from Sirius and James pov.
> 
> James knows something Lily doesn't. Everyone knows about Sirius and Remus, but no one wants to say it.
> 
> A/N: thanks for the feedback @br4inde4d hope you enjoy!  
> \   
> Also thank you to   
> Caleigh_Hader (my first commenter), omayao, BlueJohnXD, and Ggzand_wolfstar.

The bookstore was well stocked for a small bookstore. James couldn’t keep his eyes off of the doorway where Lily had taken Remus of to. Remus had been friendly in appearance, yet there was a contention that was clear as day.

“What do you think your girlfriend wanted to talk to him about?”

This teasing was going to become unfunny very fast if Sirius kept it up the whole night. James had offered to take the group to dinner as a sort of apology for ‘The Lobby’ incident. It wasn’t his direct fault, after all Sirius had cut his hand and they had simply forgotten to send the code, but he still felt bad. Lily after a bit of pushing agreed to a ride home and a small meal at the café under their apartment.

“Probably about how he got stuck with a git as a soulmate.” James retorted.

Sirius stuck out his tongue and browsed the books. James knew his best friend had it bad. Sirius would always drag his feet and complain anytime they went to a bookstore. Sirius never had much interest of any type of media that wasn’t illustrated. Manuals, textbooks, fiction, non-fiction, it didn’t matter. In fact, Sirius had done all of his book reports on comic books in high school. When the teacher had refused, Sirius wrote a ten-page essay about the validity of comics in the literature community, stating that if one could comment on the paintings of the Renaissance, one could analyze the literature implications in a comic book. Apparently, the teacher thought that fighting him would be too much work and had allowed him to do so for the rest of the year.

James started towards the front to see if the others were ready to leave yet. He could hear Remus whisper. “I saw something. Something me and Sirius related. I think he saw it too. I don’t know how to approach that.”

So the vision was mutual like Sirius thought. James wondered why Remus hadn’t addressed it with Sirius then. His mother had always taught him that soulmates were above all else sought after. If Remus thought that even for a moment Sirius might be his, why would he have left like he did.

“You could start with a not-double-date at the café next door.” Lily responded.

Not-date, James didn’t like that word. He had thought of it as a date-date. He had to remember that Lily was most likely getting out of a bad situation and needed to take things slow. James had seen Lily’s mark on her ankle as she had gotten her shoes on for them to take her back to her apartment. Their marks were in different locations, but he would have recognized the swirling lines anywhere. They were soulmates. She had clearly stated though that right now she wasn’t looking for anything the night of the movie.

Everything pointed to her being in an abuse situation with her last partner. While domestic partner abuse wasn’t something James knew much about, he had experienced the second hand affects that parental abuse had on Sirius when he had come to live with them. Sirius had jumped at every noise, had lashed out at any type of affection, and had found it hard to integrate his past experiences in with his new family. James would let her take her time. He would try and slow down. Give her room to come to him as not to scare her off. He would let her integrate at her pace, just as he had let Sirius.

When she walked around the corner though, James remembered just how hard that would be. He found her to be his perfect fit. He could play of her strengths and she could rely on him in her weaknesses. Just in that moment, James wanted nothing more than to tell her. For her sake, and her timeline, he would wait and watch for the right time.

-

James quickly nudged Sirius and told him what he had heard. Sirius quickly went into wooing mood. Remus seemed odd around him, but Sirius believed that if this is what the universe wanted, he wasn’t going to fight it. This was an incredibly big deal, because Sirius had done nothing but fight the universe for so long, wanting to be the one in control of his destiny. If Remus did have visions of Sirius and Sirius had visions of Remus, it was decided. The only technicality for Sirius was to get to know one another.

He had rushed to the table to take the opposite side as James, hopefully cornering Remus to sit next to him. Maybe he could hold his hand or wrap his arm around his shoulder. Sirius had always enjoyed physical affection. He wondered what Remus would like.

Lily was going on about some story about her sister’s wedding. He laughed in all the right places, but all his thoughts were on how close Remus was siting. Her story ended and it was the perfect time to move on to Remus.

“What about you Remus? Tell us about your family.”

“My dad no longer with us, and my mom lives in the countryside. I try to call once a week at-least, we just spent the holidays there.”

Sirius knew a bit about complicated family life. The look on Remus’ face was the same look Sirius had when someone had asked him about his family life before the Potters. Noted. Family was a sensitive subject to talk about in front of other people.

Lily and James changed the subject to work. He glared at James to stop talking. As excited as he was, Lily didn’t have a problem talking to James, Remus for some reason did have a problem talking to Sirius though.

Sirius turned to Remus trying to start a conversation again. “What would you like to do with your English degree?”

“I plan on working in publishing. I’ve written one book and plan on writing more, but publishing is something a little more consistent.”

This got his attention. Remus had written something available for pubic consumption. A window into the soul of his soulmate. Sirius prayed there were some illustrations. He would read it even if there weren’t. Maybe Remus would read it to him.

Most people would have elaborated and bragged about their work, but his odd ball didn’t.

“Is the book something you think I would find interesting?”

“I wrote a book about my experience as a teenager. Someone approached me and said that if I wrote about it, they could sell it. Got a bit of a paycheck, but basically sold my soul and lots of people now know about my personal life.”

Lily tried to jump in and explain. “Remus really likes people to wait and read it until he knows them better if they haven’t already.”

Sirius felt jealous in that moment. A man molded from the universe just for him was closed off to what seemed like the whole world except his brother’s soulmate. Sirius wanted to be Remus’ vault. Wanted to hold the most precious secret and have Remus trust that he was safe with Sirius.

James dropped his fork confused and then decided to try and tease information out of Remus. “Bunch of embarrassing stories about a girl then? Some big party in high school?”

Sirius could almost see the snap in Remus’ body language. “I was kidnapped for a year by my dad’s coworker.”

How the hell was Sirius supposed to continue the conversation after that?

The playfulness dropped from James face and was replaced with shame. After a beat, Remus’ posture softened as well.

“We’ll wait until you gift us a copy of it then.” Sirius tried to add some light back into the conversations holding his hand up in a pledge motion to which James copied. “Any ideas of what your next book will be?”

“He’s writing a children’s book, but he hasn’t found an illustrator.” Lily piped in.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ shoulders, he had wanted to do it all night and after the recent confession felt protective. “I know of a pretty good artist who might have some free time.”

“I think I’m good on my own.”

Sirius had almost laughed at the obvious insinuation. Remus wasn’t going to be able to make Sirius run so easily. He locked eyes with Remus daring him to acknowledge him and the connection they had. “Are you?”

-

“I’m going to take both bills to the front counter and pay. Lily would you like to join me?”

James was trying to leave Sirius and Remus to talk, but Lily apparently had other plans she argued back and forth about the bill. James was trying to make it obvious that he was just trying to pull her form the table. Something must have angered her because she snapped at him. He went to placate and be as subtle as possible. “How about we go pay together. I’d have something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“I won’t be convinced to do something I don’t want. I’m paying for my meal.”

“Lily don’t you think we could talk about this over there?”

For some reason this was the breaking point for Remus. All the tension that hung silently was aired out when Remus glared right into James’ soul. There was fire there.

“Anything you need to say to her should be gentlemanly enough to say it in front of me.”

James knew that throwing punches verbal or nonverbal only led to more violence, but the insinuation that James had anything other than good intentions set James off. He tried to remove himself from the situation, but his hand went for Lily’s instinctually.

Lily quickly jumped and James saw it written all over her face. The tension and sudden movement without warning had sent her back somewhere in her head. Back to a time she wasn’t safe. Remus stood up and James stepped in front of Lily trying to make sure that any anger directed at him wasn’t absorbed by her instead.

For a moment it was only glaring, until Sirius stood up. At that moment, Remus turned to Sirius and punched him in the nose. James would have flown over the table if Lily didn’t have his hand in hers.

James didn’t know how this had happened, but this had become a fiasco.


	15. There Goes a Piece of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily lets go of a piece of her heart.

James had excused himself and walked out of the café and hadn’t come back. Remus was in his room. Most likely on the phone with Kingsley, trying to sort things out before charges were made. Sirius sat shirtless on the bathroom counter while Lily wiped the drying blood off his face. There was a bruise already forming under the skin.

Lily couldn’t help the apologies coming out of her mouth. “Please, it was all reflex for him. He was caught off guard when you touched him.”

She couldn’t tell the emotions Sirius was trying to display as around his nose and eyes were swollen. She thought it best to continue though she could hear Kingsley’s lawyer voice telling her to wait for representation.

“His can get phantom pains and sometimes unexpected touch can trigger that pain.”

Still there was no change in emotion on Sirius’ face. He looked at her as if to continue though.

“Please don’t press charges. Remus is already having a hard time dropping false charges and this won’t help the chance of that happening.”

Lily did recognize the next emotion to flicker in his eyes. Anger. “I wouldn’t. I think you know why.”

No charges would be pressed. A sigh of relief was let out. Remus would have one less thing to worry about. As for that reason, that was a conversation for the two of them to have. She had promised not to meddle. Not to speak on Remus’ behave in any matter regarding soulmate to Sirius.

“How about I get him to clean up the rest while I try and find James, does that work?”

Sirius nodded too eagerly. She knocked on the door of Remus’ room. He sat on his bed tracing the blood on his knuckles. Lily usually had a soft approach when it came to Remus. He had been hurt enough for a lifetime. If soft was an option, she would choose it. Right now, she thought a hard and quick approach would move things in the right direction.

“He’s requesting you to help in the bathroom. I need to find James.”

Remus got up slowly and brushed past her to get to her bathroom. This was going to end up good but hurt like hell going down for Remus. Lily thought of the first time Remus let her touch him after _the incident_. He had held back tears of what she knew now were phantom pains. Eventually, he would call her when he couldn’t sleep to trace his scars to sooth those pains.

Lily never held anything but platonic feelings for Remus, but this was the moment of realization in her mind that she was no longer going to be that person for him. That the emotional connection they shared would no longer be needed. He had found the universe’s design for him. She had just been the place holder. Those sleepless dark mornings would slowly stop for her and begin for Sirius.

Where would she be once, they stopped completely? Alone? Playing pretend with a stranger she had randomly met at a bookstore? She wished more for her mother to tell her what to do. For her father to tell her that she was welcome to come have tea with him when she was lonely. She even missed the moments between fights, where Petunia would braid her hair when Lily was taking too long to do it.

She felt a bit of herself die as she saw Remus smile in the mirror at himself. Something he hadn’t done in years. Remus was doing it because of him though. One minute with Sirius and Remus had been able to look at himself and smile. Lily had tried for years to get Remus to even remotely like his reflection. Lily didn’t want to feel this way. She grabbed a few of her things and picked up her phone.

When she had moved in, Remus had looked over her shoulder while she had deleted _his_ number, but she had always had it memorized. It hadn’t changed in the years they had known each other. He was bound to take her back. He had even told her she would crawl back to him. He was right. She needed him when her friends eventually didn’t need her anymore.

The phone rang once, twice, before she heard the deep voice of Severus on the other line. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please don't hate me for this chapter. I felt so sad writing it,, but felt like it was important to the story. Also, I have only dealt with emotional manipulation and trauma, not physical. I'm basing some of Lily off of that.  
> I love and appreciate the comments and feedback! Cute fluff coming next to soften the blow.


	16. The Center of the Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute fluff between soulmates (Wolfstar).

Sirius probably wanted to cuss him out to his face. Tell him the assault charges that would be pressed against him. Tell him that with the money he had, Remus would never be able to afford a lawyer to get him out of it.

Sirius just sat staring at Remus from the counter. Remus turned on the sink and waited for the water to run warm. The ice pack on his nose should help the swelling and if he held the warm wet rag to the blood dripping down his chest, the blood would wash away a bit better than the dry rag Lily had been using.

There was silence between the two for a moment. Remus was barely breathing and was sure he would pass out at any moment.

“No charges will be pressed.” Relief hit Remus at the statement. He wouldn’t have yet another thing on his record. Sirius then reached out and almost touched the bridge of Remus’ nose and stopped just shy and said the most unexpected thing. “We match now.”

Remus for the first time in a long time stared at his reflection. It had probably been years since he had looked in a mirror more than 15 seconds. The bump on his nose did match the swollen part of Sirius’ nose. Though Sirius’ would go back to normal with time, but Remus couldn’t help but smile and laugh.

Remus registered the closing of the front door signaling that Lily had gone to find James. They were truly alone in the apartment.

“I think were soulmates.”

 ** _Right to the point,_** Remus scoffed to himself. Of course, Sirius had no problem just blurting out information like that. He wanted to smart mouth back. He instead went to defense. Remus needed to let Sirius know what he was in for if he chose to continue this conversation.

“You don’t want this. I don’t live the same as you.”

“I’m sure we live similar enough. I may go to bed later than you do, but I would come to bed early for you.”

“I don’t deal with change well. I live the same day over and over again.”

There was a long pause before Sirius responded. “Wouldn’t we just find a new normal?”

“You live your life running around making dreams come true, traveling to whatever country fits your fancy that month. I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

“What if that became your new normal?”

“Even if it did, it would take long enough that you would have lost your patience.”

Sirius thought for a long while about his words. Remus almost left, taking his silence as his answer. It was a low voice, almost a whisper that came out of Sirius. It sounded full of tears though his eyes had none.

“I was extremely afraid of water when I moved to the Potter’s. When Mrs. Potter taught me to swim out in the lake by their house, we started by spending a day with our feet in the water. She slowly moved me deeper day by day. It took me three months to reach the center of the lake. I am _always_ one to jump in headfirst. I told her every day that I could just go out and didn’t need to wade in the shallow end anymore. The one day I tried, I almost drowned.”

Remus admitted to himself that it seemed very off topic, but allowed Sirius to continue.

“Slowing down doesn’t come natural to me Remus, but that day I got to the center, was the best day of the whole summer.”

Remus got the message now but waited for Sirius to say it out loud. Make it real by expressing the feeling for both of them to hear.

“I think that this could be the best thing to ever happen to either of us if we work with each other. We’ll start as friends and take it slow. You promise to keep the center of the lake as your goal. I’ll promise to not have a timeline for when you need to get there. That sound fair?”

Remus considered the realistic consequences of being vulnerable and building a romantic relationship with Sirius. At that moment, the center of the lake sounded worth it for the pain the journey might be. He nodded and held out his hand to Sirius.

This was Remus’ first step out into the water, and it honestly felt refreshing.


	17. Pacing the Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus search for Lily.

The rays of Sunday morning hit Sirius’ face. He hadn’t expected to fall asleep on the couch of Remus’ apartment. His back and nose may ache, but last night was worth it. Remus was up and cooking something that smelled delicious. Sirius sat up and greeted a fully dressed and ready for the day Remus.

“Heard from James yet?” Remus inquired.

Sirius checked his phone and saw that James had texted him what would have been shortly after Sirius fell asleep. It was a simple text stating that James had decided to go home and to wish Lily a goodnight.

“Yeah. He’s fallen pretty hard for Lily. Wanted me to wish her goodnight at like 3 am.”

The glasses Remus was holding shattered on the floor. He was frozen there, his shoulders began to shake a little, and his eyes became unfocused. Sirius looked around for what might have set him off. After Remus wasn’t responding to his inquires from the couch, Sirius got up and tried to walk around the glass that spread across the kitchen floor.

Before grabbing him, Sirius remembered his sore nose. **_Best to avoid that_**. “Remus I’m about to touch your shoulders to try and get your attention.” Gently, Sirius laid his hands on the man’s shoulders. Even though it seemed silly saying it out loud, something must have helped because Sirius was not swung at. “What’s going on? You need to tell me so I can try and help you.” Silence still permeated in the apartment. **_Lily might be able to help_**. Sirius didn’t like that thought on gut reaction. The bead of Sirius that felt jealous of Lily had to be set aside if he wanted to help Remus though. “I’m going to get Lily. She probably knows what to do, right?”

This snapped Remus out of it. Remus started grabbing at things on the table and running back and forth across the apartment grabbing items as he went. His mumblings were hard to make out as Sirius tried to catch up and get him to speak up. Sirius had to lean against the front door so Remus couldn’t leave before giving a straight answer.

His words sent an ice down his spine. “Lily went to go get James last night. She didn’t come home to the apartment. James wanted us to wish her a goodnight, meaning she didn’t end up with him. She didn’t end up with him, but didn’t come home after leaving.”

-

Remus was yelling in the police station. “Like hell I have to wait 48 hours. I can fill out a police report and you won’t send out a search party until 48 hours after that. That’s where the 48 hours comes in.”

Sirius felt bad for the officer a bit. Sure, the officer seemed uncooperative, but Remus on a war path was like staring at the sun. One could not simply stand in the way of the sun.

“She just left an abusive boyfriend. Not to mention the fact that she’s just a woman. That seems to be good enough reason for some men to leave someone laying in a ditch. Stranger or not.”

The officer kept trying to placate Remus with reasons. Finally, Sirius was sick of the back and forth. He stepped out and called up the Potter’s PI. They had used him once or twice when Sirius had run off and wasn’t heard from for a few days. Barty Crouch would always find him no matter how meticulous he had been in covering his tracks. “Crouch, I need you to help find a girl. Went missing last night. She’s most likely with her ex-boyfriend, but she also went missing at night in the city, so it could be that too. Finding her as quickly as possible would be much appreciated with a very nice bonus to your usual rate if you can do it.”

Taking a few details that Sirius had, Barty Crouch said he would call as soon as he could with an update. He returned to Remus who was furiously scribbling out the paperwork. Several cheap pens were snapped in half and discarded on the floor. Remus’ hands were covered in ink and copies of ruined forms were balled beside him. The receptionist looked a little annoyed when Remus went up again with a broken pen and asked for another set of the forms.

Sirius texted James the general idea of what was happening and the reassurance that Crouch was on the case. He returned the clipboard with all the information for Remus to spare the officer and receptionist more of Remus’ wrath.

-

 ** _What would help?_** Sirius would want to be distracted if James went missing, but this was probably hitting a nerve too close to sit back and do nothing for Remus. He had said he had been kidnapped, that might be what he’s going back to right now in his head. His closest friend, in an unknown situation, not answering his calls. Even a person without trauma that deep would jump to that. **_What would Lily do?_** Sirius silently pleaded for some inspiration from Lily. She had grown on him he hated to admit. He had always liked to be social, but people wanting to become close to him were put through the rigors to stay.

Lightning inspiration hit. They would search. Remus might feel better if he and Sirius went out searching alleys. It might set his mind at ease not seeing her dumped in an alley way passed out drunk or something. He reckons that both he and Remus knew where she was deep down. She went back to her ex. Sirius didn’t think Remus wanted to believe she may have gone willingly, so Sirius was there to calm his mind while he waited to hear from Lily.

-

What Sirius knew all too well, was it didn’t take much to justify and return to an abusive situation. He had lived with and made excuses for his parents until he was 15 or so. All Sirius knew of her ex was what she had told him and James on the car ride to the café.

Severus was one of her best friends. He started to disagree with the group on some ‘values’ as Severus called them and stopped hanging out with them as much. Lily hadn’t heard from him in a little over a year until her parents’ funeral where they started talking again and ended up dating shortly after.

The biggest apprehension that Sirius had towards Severus and Lily’s relationship was that Lily had refused to say the word abuse, or directly talk about physical violence. Even though James and Sirius had both seen the bruise on her face the night of the gallery. In fact, many times when she would talk about Severus, it was in defense. She said she left over a difference of opinion and a fight that got heated.

Sirius could see past that flowered up story. She had tried to state an opinion that Severus disagreed with and he had hit her. It may have been the first time her face was hit and that’s what triggered her to seek Remus, but as soon as the bruise healed, it was easy to forget and go back.

-

If Remus felt better walking up and down the streets looking in stores and alleys, Sirius would walk with him. When Remus found no sign of her and started on that Severus must have taken her against her will, Sirius just listened. They both knew though. Something had triggered Lily to go back to Severus after the café. Sirius knew that Remus might be thinking that this was his fault.


	18. Two-Way Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter gets a bit dark. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THERE IS DESCRIPTION OF PHYSICAL ABUSE. I have experienced emotional manipulation so I’m basing a lot of the information of research and applying my experience. If you feel like those details will trigger or make you uncomfortable, I will do a quick summary of what you need to know and star (***) when the descriptive scenes begin.

James paced the penthouse for hours before he got a text from Crouch with a hotel address and room number. Crouch was a good PI for many reasons. One being that he knew how to get results, and he knew who the true customer was. Sirius called and technically requested the information, but James had shortly called after and demanded that Crouch give him the information first. He had also told Crouch to wait off on sending Sirius the information until he was ready for him. James asked for Crouch to send a picture to identify the scum of the earth he was looking for.

After talking with Lily about her past he wanted to kill Severus. Someone who was so manipulative taking advantage of his soulmate ripped his heart open. Hearing that Lily was missing, and Sirius suspected she had willingly gone back to her ex was terrifying. She had said that she had left her house keys. A sign that she didn’t think she would need them, which was also odd because she had also said Remus always kept the door locked. All the signs pointed to her going back willingly.

-

James pulled up to the hotel. A business event was finishing up and there were people chatting in the hall. James walked up to the reception desk and handed the woman a hundred-dollar bill.

“I need a copy of the key for 261.”

The woman simply stared at him. James didn’t want to wait for a police warrant to get a key or sit in the lobby all night for Lily or Severus to come out. He folded another four and placed it in her hand. The woman quickly turned to the computer and handed him a key.

James knew from Crouch that Severus was at this event for his work. If he hadn’t already gone back to the room, James didn’t have much time to get Lily. He rapped his knuckles against the door. No answer, no movement that he could hear. He slipped the door open. The room was dark and the bed creaked as someone moved.

-****-

As he turned the corner, Lily was perched on the edge of the bed. Obviously surprised to see him. Even in the dark, he could see the handprint on her cheek and split lip she was sporting. “Get whatever bag you came with and leave with me now, please.”

“I’m not going to leave with you. I’m with Severus now. He’d be really upset if he saw me with someone else, even if we are just friends.”

James wanted to scream and pull out his hair. There were two sort of options he could go with, he could reason to her sensible side if she wasn’t too far gone, or if she was to far in the delusion, he would need to play within the boundaries of that delusion to get her somewhere safe. There was one way to test if that sensibility was at the surface right now.

“Lily, was he the one to split you lip?”

“It’s not what you think. You don’t know what happened before that. I had said something…”

Ok, rational was gone. She was a danger to herself and he knew that she had played into Severus’ lies for whatever reason. James went for a half lie that might pull her out of it.

“Remus really needs you. He went into a full panic and no one can pull him out of it. He’s just outside. I’ll bring you back before Severus even knows your gone.”

Lily’s eyes glazed over. “He and Sirius seemed to have connected, I’m sure he can pull him out.”

James made a note of that. One of the triggers to send her back seemed to be Sirius’ relationship with Remus. “For my sanity, please. Sirius isn’t helping much, and he’s just been asking for you.”

Her face turned into a sad smile and tears rolled down her chin. “Severus asked me not to see him anymore. He’s part of the reason we broke up last time. If I want to be with Severus, I need to stop seeing Remus.”

James was running out of ideas and time. He quickly pulled out his phone and sent Crouch the ‘ok’ message he had saved to signal to send the information to Sirius. All his ideas were to high probability of failing in his mind. He didn’t love the idea. Especially with her lip looking like it did, but he was stronger than her. If he needed to carry her fireman style, kicking and screaming, he _could_.

James grabbed her upper arm and panic hit her body. She froze and kept eye contact with him the entire time. He wanted to throw-up at the look she gave him. At the fear evident in her body language, but this was important. Her safety was in jeopardy. He knew it was wrong but getting her out was the only thing on his mind. Now that she was off the bed and the light from the bathroom lit the rest of her, he could see at the hem of her shirt there was the start of a pretty bad bruises across her stomach.

He did what he thought would best. He got angry at her. He went to use her fear against her. He was so desperate, and it was the only thing he could think of. “You are going to leave with me now and you have no option. It would be a mistake to stay here. I’ll carry you out on my shoulder if I have to.”

Lily started to shake with tears and nodded her head moving to grab her bag. They had run out of time though. A slender man with short hair and a hooked nose stood in the doorway. An abuser wasn’t going to give up his toy so easily. There was no rationale or fear tactic James could use on him that would allow Lily to leave with him now.

Severus remained calm. He simply walked into the room sizing James up. He held out his arm to Lily who looked between the two men. James regretted making her fear him for this ‘rescue’ attempt. She slowly walked forward skirting as far from James as she could and helped Severus with his cuff links.

“Is this the man you’ve been talking about all night? After you flirted with my boss all evening of course.”

Lily’s voice came out small. James could hardly hear her. “Yes.”

“This was your replacement for me the past few weeks? Sold your body out for some help on the bills?”

She just nodded this time. The situation was so much worse than James anticipated. Lily would do anything to placate this man’s wrath and then tell herself she deserved it when he couldn’t hold it back. Severus had a hook in deep.

“You got tired of her that fast?” He directed the question at James this time. James remained quiet. He wouldn’t play into this game anymore. “Did the bills overwhelm you? She is in quite the amount of debt. Petunia wasn’t much help being absorbed in her new union.”

Severus was trying to get a rise out of James. He was trying to ‘alpha’ male James. Showing him that he was in charge of the situation. He wasn’t though. James knew that he had help on the way and that Remus would stop at nothing to make sure Lily came with him. He would demand justice and make sure that Severus only left the hotel in a cop car.

“Did James share you too? With his art friend? Did you give into that demand for him too? Did you bargain for extra, or did you do it just to try to keep him?”

Screw waiting. Severus looked fit enough, but James wrestled in high school and college. He pinned Severus into a position he wouldn’t get out of easily on the ground. Every time Severus tried to move James hit him, but the man did not learn to stay down. Lily was frozen in the corner curled into a ball, her hands on her head.

Severus took advantage of James’ distracted state and got into a more even position. The two were going at it. James gained control and pinned him against the wall.

Severus moved his eyes to Lily. “He won’t love you, you know. He doesn’t know you. I’m sure he’ll leave as soon as he finds out all about you. I on the other hand have the patience to put up with it at least.”

James saw red. He wanted to put Severus’ head through the wall. He wanted to snap his neck off. The only thing in that moment that stopped him was the sound of the door unlocking.

-****-

Police ran into the room. They pulled the two men off each other and handcuffed them both. One of them attempted to pull Lily up, but she just screamed. It was a knife to his heart. James wanted to run over and comfort her, but the current situation didn’t call for it. Thankfully, he saw Sirius escorted in and pull Lily into his arms. He cradled her in his arms and gave a brief look to James.

She was ok. She would be fine with time. That was what mattered right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter gets a bit dark. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THERE IS DESCRIPTION OF PHYSICAL ABUSE. I have experienced emotional manipulation so I’m basing a lot of the information of research and applying my experience. If you feel like those details will trigger or make you uncomfortable, I will do a quick summary of what you need to know and star (***) when the descriptive scenes begin.


	19. Unlikely Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I really love this chapter. I've seen a lot of tiktoks explaining the difference between James and Severus and wanted this chapter to explore the difference of them in this story and in HP. 
> 
> "James was a good person that did the wrong thing. Severus was a bad person who was manipulating someone by doing good things sometimes. To Lily in this state, they were the same thing. Men who sometimes did good things, sometimes did bad things, and both capable of hurting her if they wanted to."
> 
> Please comment what you'd like to see or have enjoyed.

Sirius was furious at James at the moment. James had told Crouch to withhold information from Sirius, approached Lily with no plan on how to get her out, and proceeded to beat the bloody hell out of her abuser in front of her.

-

Crouch sent the text that had confirmed Severus Snape was staying in a hotel about a half hour out and James confirmed Lily was there too. That confirmation set Remus into a panic attack. He was rocking back and forth and then started scratching his skin until it bled. The sight was gruesome. **_Come on Sirius, stay calm. Right now, a good outcome depends on you_**. **_Remus first._** He took Remus’ phone and dialed the mental health number he had on there. When they came, he informed them that the therapist information would be on Remus’ phone and to contact them. After he was assured in Remus’ safety, he rushed to the hotel address.

Along the way he called the police informing them of the situation and the potential scene he thought they might find. When he finally reached the hotel parking lot there were three cop cars as well. Barty had given him the hotel room, so Sirius ran straight there.

An officer was blocking off the hall around the room. Sirius knew to wait patiently, but it was hard. No one had come out of the room. There were noises over their radio and a bit of chatter between officers. After what felt an eternity of waiting, the heart wrenching scream of Lily Evens caused him to attempt to break through to the room.

“Officer, please, I’m the one that called you guys here. She’s a friend of mine, she might feel safer coming with me.” Sirius tried to plead.

After checking with his commander and taking Sirius’ information, he was allowed into the dark room. Lily was curled in on herself in the corner. James and Severus were both handcuffed and sitting on opposite sides of the bed, the officers waiting to continue until Lily was out with the paramedics.

-

So here Sirius sat, he had his sketch book drawing his latest vision. Lily was sedated once they reached the hospital. She would not cooperate with anyone. She nearly broke Sirius’ hand when they came to take her blood. When tests showed she needed a bit of surgery, Lily lashed around the room.

The fragile state of her broke his heart. Sirius caught her and held her against him. After a moment of struggling she resigned her attempts to get away. Sirius held her in his arms while the pushed the sedative. “Please don’t let them hurt me please. They’ll come back and take me.”

“Darling the nurses are here to get your appendix out; they’ll bring you back to us.”

Lily shook her head. Her eyes attempting to stay open, fighting the medication in her system. “Severus and James. They’ll come back for me. I won’t be able to say no to either of them. They’ll take me and I won’t be able to say no.” Sirius didn’t know what to say.

James was his best friend and brother since childhood. He knew that James was a good person that did the wrong thing. Severus was a bad person who was manipulating someone by doing good things sometimes. To Lily in this state, they were the same thing. Men who sometimes did good things, sometimes did bad things, and both capable of hurting her if they wanted to.

She lulled back and forth on his shoulder. She had stopped sobbing because of the sedation, yet tears were still falling. His shoulder was soaked. This here was a woman her wouldn’t have chosen to be in his life. He didn’t think they got along well, yet here she was. His brother’s soulmate ( ** _though she didn’t know that yet_** ), and his soulmate’s closest friend. **_What would those two men want him to do for her?_** He knew. He swore right there to her.

“I won’t leave you alone with either of them if you don’t want. I’ll always make sure you are protected.”

-

When she got out of surgery, Sirius was asleep. He was laying on her hand without tubes sticking out. She briefly recalled him coming in the hotel room, holding her close in the hospital, and promising to protect her.

She smiled despite the circumstances. Sirius wasn’t originally who she would have chosen for Remus. Sirius seemed rash and insensitive on occasion. He seemed loud and outgoing. Remus was quiet and enjoyed his privacy. She thought the two were too polar opposites.

In this moment, him laying on her hand sitting in the most uncomfortable looking hospital chair, she knew he was the best choice. His sketch book was laying by her knees. When the nurse came in, she signaled for him to hand her the book. It seemed intrusive, but Lily saw the first piece and couldn’t stop herself from flipping through the pages.

The open page was the drawing of two arms, bloody streaks running down to the fingertips. It was beautifully sad. The next twenty or so were different versions of Remus. Profile, straight on, sketches, detailed versions, and ones that Sirius had drawn himself and Remus. She wanted to cry. Remus never thought he was worthy of desire, yet here this man was. His drawings worshipped Remus in a way. It seemed so intrusive. It made her jealous. To be desired and worshiped in this way.

Her machines started to go off, alerting the nurse and waking Sirius. She was sobbing and the stitches she could feel on her stomach started to be painful. “Lily, love, you need to calm down. You don’t want to pull any stiches.” Sirius tried to warn her. She couldn’t seem to pull herself together. Sirius took her hand and laid it on his chest. She tried to match her breathing to his. Her pain lessened with the meds the nurse pushed through.

“Where’s Remus?”

“He hurt himself when he heard. They are keeping him in the 48-hour observation room. He’ll be right here when he’s released.”

Lily felt guilty. She hadn’t thought that Remus would be worried about her at all. She thought that he would be relieved that he didn’t have to pay for the both of them. Lily wanted to cry again. She had hurt her best friend who had been so kind to take her him. Would he be willing to take her back?

“Sirius, what if Remus doesn’t take me back as a friend? What if he can’t trust me again?”

Sirius took a minute to answer and it began to scare her. Maybe he couldn’t think of any scenario that Remus would want to forgive her.

“Remus is going to want you back in the apartment _both_ of you belong in as soon as possible. He’ll dote on you so much; you’ll get sick of it.” Lily was relieved to hear that. He would want her back. Even if he didn’t need her, he wanted her to come back. Sirius took her face gently and made sure he had eye contact before continuing. “If by some alternate universe craziness, he doesn’t. I’ll take you in. Find us a place and help pay the way until you’ve shown yourself that you are brave and brilliant again.”

The moment would have been perfect, if James Potter hadn’t walked in the room all cut and bruised up.


	20. Hospital Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James have a moment. Not a good one.

James had spent hours at the police station. They had questioned him about Lily, Severus, and himself. James gave his side of the story. In his official statement, he did disclose that he believed Lily was his soulmate. It explained his behavior a little bit better to the officers than ‘some random girl I met three weeks ago’. With that James was granted bail, Severus was not. James couldn’t help but smirk as he left the well dressed, but completely bloody Severus in the jail cell behind him.

James called Remus and it went straight to voicemail. Sirius’ phone rang, but inevitably went to voicemail as well. He texted Sirius and asked where Lily was. There was no response. James was anxious. He sat at the penthouse for another few hours. Memories of her face, the bruises on her hips, the things Severus had said about her, the horrible things James had said to her. It was like a nightmare come to life. James got a text from Remus.

**Remus**

Lily’s at St Mungo Hospital. Sirius is with her.

That was all James needed to jump into his car and race a fast as he could down the highway.

-

James enjoyed the smells of hospitals. They weren’t overpowering. It’s the white walls everywhere that made him feel like the hallway was twice a long as it actually was. Remus had given him the room number and he made his way down the never-ending halls.

The door was open. He saw Lily placing her hand on Sirius’ chest. Sirius was talking to her in soft words. Her face looked similar to the night they had met. A bit swollen and bruised. He wanted to walk up and rub her pain away. Absorb it into himself.

Her eyes met his and his stomach dropped with the fear he saw there. She was like a cornered animal. She tried to sit up, but Sirius softly held her down. Something about stiches and a promise was exchanged between the two. James went to move in further, but Sirius quickly strode to him. James went to hug his brother; he was greeted with a punch to his gut. Sirius was pushing him out of the room.

“What the hell? I want to make sure Lily’s ok.”

Sirius looked as though he didn’t know what to say or how to feel. His body language was tense, but his face was soft. Sirius was waffling with what to say and James was getting angry at being kept out of the room by his own brother.

“Do you remember the first family dinner we had?”

 ** _Did James remember?_** Of course, he did.

-

_Flashback_

Sirius had dropped a china plate from his parent’s china set. His parents had using them to celebrate Sirius coming to live with them. Sirius dropped his plate not knowing how hot it was. Everyone had frozen in the kitchen. The Potters were waiting for Sirius scream or tell them that he was hurt.

Sirius instead dropped to his knees trying to pick up the pieces as fast as he could. His brother’s hands started to bleed from the sharp edges. Mr. Potter had carefully knelt next to him. This sent Sirius into a spiral. Crawling through the glass on the floor, Sirius cried in front of James for the first time. Begged Mr. Potter not to beat him, saying he could work off whatever the cost of the plate was. Begged him to understand it was an accident. Told him that his back wouldn’t be able to handle another punishment after his last on, because it hadn’t healed yet.

Sirius ran off for the first time away from the Potters that night after not receiving a punishment. Sirius had told James that not letting him ‘have it’ that night would only give Mr. Potter more time to come up with a more painful punishment. James had thought the notion absurd and that Sirius wasn’t actually going to make a run for it. He had.

Fleamont and Euphemia had taken him aside as the police looked for Sirius that night. Had told James that victims of abuse often didn’t jump into ‘normal’ life very fast. That Sirius really thought that every parent would have beaten their child with a belt if they dropped a plate.

James didn’t understand even after that night. It never made much sense that Sirius would be afraid when the Potters never gave him something to be afraid of. The bad people weren’t apart of his life anymore.

_End Flashback_

-

“Yeah. What does that have to do with this?” Sirius gave him a look like it should be obvious. “I’m not him. Why would she be scared of me?” Another look from Sirius. “Go on just tell me.”

Sirius rubbed his hand down his face. “You just beat the living shit out of her ex-boyfriend. Showing her that you can pack an even stronger punch than he can.”

“I wouldn’t use that kind of strength on her though.”

“Did you show her any signs that you wouldn’t?”

James looked at his shoes. He had said in the hotel room something. Told her that he would carry her out of the room if he needed to. “I didn’t say I would hurt her. Just carry her out.”

Sirius grabbed his hair and the two brothers stood in silence until Sirius tried to calmly explain. “She doesn’t want you around her alone. She correlates you and him. Even if you think she shouldn’t, she does.”

James wanted to protest but Sirius stopped him. “I promised to help her. She doesn’t want to be left alone with you. If you really want her, you’ll respect that. You’ll earn her trust and go at her pace.”

James was furious. Who was Sirius to tell him how to handle his soulmate connection? “Sirius, I think I’ll choose how to handle this.”

James went for the door and Sirius practically body slammed him into the wall. “You should know that I made a promise to her. I don’t take my promises lightly, you know that above all else. She doesn’t want to be alone with you. I’m telling you as brothers, that you have a chance if you take it slow. I am telling you as her protector, you need to watch your step if you don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you'd like to see happen in the story. Any perspectives you want to hear from more?


	21. Hospital Visits Part 2

Sirius came back in with James behind him. Sirius held a care-free smile on his face, but Lily was terrified. Sirius had promised to protect her, but James was strong and determined. James had swung Severus around like he was a rag doll. It was still clear as day. If Lily had stayed in the room with both of those men and they had decided to team up, she would have stood no chance.

James seemed sweet the past few weeks, but last night, he was all rage. Lily knew now that deep inside of James laid the ability to be dangerous. Lily wasn’t going to fall for another Severus. She would have to be vigilant in making sure of it.

-

James was immediately annoyed with Sirius. James went to go sit in the chair next to her, but Sirius slipped it teasing that James would be more comfortable on the spinning stool the nurse would use when they came it. He opted for standing over the wobbling chair. James reached for Lily’s hand, but Sirius got there first. Lily was a deer in the headlights not taking her eyes of James for a moment.

Sirius blabbed on about hospital pudding and other nonsense things. James had it with Sirius. His soulmate was extremely hurt and here he was making light of it. James wanted to shake some sense into him.

After it was clear that Sirius was leaving, even after multiple attempts of James making up excuses for him to leave. James decided to get something off his chest. Severus had addressed several concerning things, and James wanted answers.

“Lily, why did you tell Severus we were dating?”

The heat from Sirius’ glare made him want to back down. This situation wasn’t between him and Sirius though. Severus had said concerning things and he wanted to know how much was true.

“I didn’t mean to. I don’t know why I said that.” Her voice cracked. “I was talking about the gallery at that dinner and he just assumed that it had been a date.”

James had wanted it to be a date. He had been excited when he thought it was a date. Why would she be so adamant against it? “He said he was helping you to pay some bills. Did you need help still?”

Lily wouldn’t look him in the eyes. Her hands twisted together pulling at her tubes. James wanted to reach to stop her. Made sure she wouldn’t pull them out. She scurried back on the bed at his movement. If that didn’t break his heart, the fact that she looked to his brother for something instead of him did him in.

“Why don’t you go get some food from the cafeteria? I think Lily would like some saltines to settle her stomach.”

-

Remus passed James as he was leaving the room. Remus had caught James saying that Lily was having Severus help pay some bills. He wanted to throw up. If that’s why she went back, Remus wouldn’t forgive himself. Lily had helped on several occasions with his legal bills during their time to overturn false charges. Then another though wrecked his body. **_Did she go to Severus for help with the legal bills?_**

He needed to stop that. Remus needed to focus on Lily. Sirius stood and when Remus was close enough, he stretched up to whisper “Is it ok if I hug you?” Remus was grateful that he had asked. Most people thought it was weird to ask so they either didn’t touch Remus or made him uncomfortable by touching him anyway. Remus pulled him in close. Touching had never been the way Remus expressed love, but Sirius melted into him like butter.

Lily’s machine went off signaling that her bag of meds was ready to be changed. This brought his attention back to her. Remus took the seat and Sirius stood.

Remus wanted to ask what had happened, what drove her back, why she didn’t say anything. He wanted to know everything. All of those were selfish questions though. He ended up asking “What do you need?” Her response surprised him. She started to laugh. When her giggles had cleared, she with a sobering smile and tears in her eyes requested him to lay with her.

“Just like when you have nightmares.”

Remus tried to make the small bed enough for the two of them side by side. He ended up having to situate Lily on top of him laying in the crook of his neck. Her hands started to play with his hands. They slowly moved to the freshly wrapped bandages on his arms. The only sign of her crying was the dampening of his shirt. He asked Sirius to grab him a brush. Remus started brushing her hair back. He would take a small strand and loosely braid and unbraid it.

-

Sirius stared at the two friends laying in the hospital bed. He was surprised to not feel jealousy at all. Instead, he took out his sketchbook and captured the moment forever. The comfortable silence lulled Sirius to sleep.


	22. Memories of Runaways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Contains description of parental physical abuse. Sirius backstory that isn't 100% necessary to understand the story, incase this chapter is something you don't want to read.

_Flashback/Dream Sequence_

Sirius was laying on a bed. The summer had just started, and it was already too hot move. He had taken off his shirt to keep cool.

The sound of high heels making it up the stairs had Sirius scrabbling for somewhere to hide. It was too late, because his mother was standing at the door.

“Your father will see you now.”

Sirius hadn’t requested a meeting. He spent as little time with his father as possible. If he refused this, he’d have more hell to pay.

All he could remember about that meeting was his father questioning about some missing item from his study. Sirius had no idea what he was talking about. His father became angry and picked up his cane. The Black’s tried to leave no permanent marks. His cane was blunt enough to not break skin and leave scars. Sirius begged him to stop. Sirius even falsely confessed to stealing the item in order to get the pain to stop. Sirius would say anything to get the pain to stop.

When Sirius came to, he realized he was still in his father’s study. It was the first time Sirius had ever passed out during a punishment. His house was quiet though. He heard no high heels of his mother, heavy boots of his father, or the barely perceptible shoes of Regulus. Sirius hauled himself up the stairs almost having to drag himself by the banister. Sirius was not able to tell how long it took him to move. He felt like he wasn’t moving at all.

This had been the worst punishment in his whole life. Including the time his mother stabbed his hand into the table and told him that if he wanted to leave, he would have to pull the knife out himself. His mother had done this after Sirius claimed to be self sufficient enough to choose the high school he wanted to go to, not the private school she was insisting on.

When Sirius got to his room, he found a backpack on his bed. A note from Regulus on top read: ‘Get out. They’ll be home for dinner and I don’t think you’ll survive it if you’re here when they come back. If you’re reading this, I’ve already left. I won’t say where I went incase it’s intercepted. I tried to wake you up before I left, I tried to carry you out, but I wasn’t able to. I’ve been able to stash some money away from the last several months. I’ve left half with you. Go live with someone you’re safe with. I’ll do the same. One day I’ll try and find you again. I promise…”

Sirius grabbed a couple changes of clothes, a few items of sentiment, and Regulus’ necklace from his room. Sirius took one last look at his childhood nightmare home. To no one but himself, Sirius whispered out loud. “I promise too. I promise to find you one day.”

_End Flashback/Dream Sequence_


	23. Love Between Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James wants to understand and Sirius helps.

“Wake up Sirius. You need to wake up.”

Sirius was sweating profusely. It took him a moment to re-center himself in the hospital room and not his father’s study. He didn’t have nightmares much anymore. Not of his parents. Therapy with the Potters had helped him to get passed the trauma and abuse of his childhood. Finding Lily the way he did triggered the nightmare though. Thinking back to her crouched in the corner crying. It reminded him of him and his brother at a young age. It had brought memories back into focus.

James was at eye level with Sirius wiping his forehead with a damp paper towel. Sirius made it known that he was awake and listening.

“Let’s go for a walk.” James suggested.

Sirius had a knee jerk reaction to the request “I can’t leave Lily I promised.”

James though about it for a minute. “You said you promised to not leave her alone with me right?”

Sirius nodded. He was ashamed that he made a promise that technically went against the code of brothers. James had obviously been mad that Sirius had made the promise and was following through with it.

“What if you woke her up and told her that I would be with you?”

Sirius shook his head “She’s worried about Severus too.”

James face showed he didn’t like to be compared to Severus but didn’t say anything out loud. “What if Remus promised to stay with her? Also, if we told a nurse to be on look out. That might make her more comfortable.”

Sirius was surprised at James’ rational behavior at the situation. It seemed to be night and day from when he last saw James. Sirius did just that. Lily seemed apprehensive to reply with James in the room. Remus told her that the nurses had a panic button and would be vigilant in their watch. With everyone placated, Sirius and James left the room.

-

James didn’t know whether to demand answers or wait for Sirius to explain.

“I looked up a bit about abuse victims, when you asked me to leave. I didn’t know why. I still don’t understand it, but I want to. I know it will be hard to hear, but I want to know.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, you’re Sirius.” James hadn’t made that pun in years, but it cleared the tension from between the two of them. They both laughed and wheezed even though they were in public. After they both sobered up, Sirius started to explain.

“You didn’t mean to, but in that fight with Severus in front of her, you two became correlated in her mind. You’re right that sometimes you have to use force to remove someone from immediate danger, but you should have waited for back up. You did your best, but it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt her still.”

“So, what do I do now. Just never see her again without someone else in the room?”

Sirius pondered for a moment. “You need to take it slow. Wait for her. For now, be extra aware of how your actions might be perceived by her. Make sure to be aware of how she’s feeling.”

**_How the hell was James supposed to read her mind?_ **

“James, you’re a good man. You need to show her that even though you are capable of doing bad things, you are not a bad man. Be authentically you, while understanding that she’s seeing things through the filter of someone who’s been abused.”

“How am I supposed to read her moods?”

“If you look closely enough, you’ll see it in her body language. I’ll try to help you at first. Try to signal to you if you need to back off or if it’s ok to move forward.”

James felt like the task was impossible. “Am I really a good man? In that moment I wanted to kill him Sirius. I don’t know if that makes me a good man.”

Sirius wrapped him in a hug. “You are a good man. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.”

James wrapped his arms around his brother tight. He it was nice to know that Sirius was still on his team. That Sirius hadn’t turned against James after he had caused this mess. The two continued around the block. The spoke of a business that had requested funding, new eateries opening up, and new movies being released.


	24. How Do We Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some wolfstar. The next couple of chapters go into the months of Lily's recovery between Remus and Sirius.  
> BETWEEN CHAPTER 23 AND 24.  
> 11/2/2020 - Update of Chapter position.

Lily was coming home from the hospital today. Remus was anxiously rearranging the pillows on her bed. Severus had broken two of Lily’s ribs, caused her appendix to burst, and reinforced the psychological manipulation he had been drilling into her since her parents died. Sirius had been really protective of Lily recently and had offered to give her a ride home.

 ** _Sirius._** Before Lily had gone back to Severus, they had a moment. One of those romantic movie moments. Sirius had said that he would take it as slow as Remus needed, but Remus had to keep moving.

Remus promised himself that he would keep moving. Once he acknowledged the bond that was between them, it seemed to be all consuming.

Sirius had Lily putting most of her weight on him as they came into the apartment. He half expected to see James behind them, but he wasn’t there. Remus didn’t know much that had happened in the actual hotel room, just the after math. Sirius had briefly mentioned that James had taken a few hits and was tending to his wounds at the penthouse.

Sirius placed her in her bed and the two of them moved the pillows around as Lily requested.

“I don’t mean to be a burden; I just can’t seem to move very well.”

Remus cradled her face. “You are not a burden. If moving your pillows is something you need done I would happily do so. You have done so much more for me.”

Sirius held out a little white pill that Lily took. Her eyes started to droop, and her body relaxed into the bed. Remus and Sirius left after they made sure she wouldn’t wake when the moved.

“This isn’t your obligation. If you want to leave Sirius, I’m sure I can manage on my own.”

Sirius folded his hands together and started to play with his fingers. He didn’t move from the couch or lift his head to look at Remus. “I told you that I lived with the Potters for the last few years of high school, right?”

Remus did recall that in he mentioned that in his story.

“My parents were the kind of people Severus was.”

Remus didn’t know how to respond. He was angry, and then sad, and then frustrated. Angry that there were people in this world who hurt others for their own pleasure. Sad that those people were able to get to the people he was closest to. Frustrated that he couldn’t do anything about it. Sirius continued.

“It was a rough day when I left, but there were other days. Days way before the day I knew it was wrong. They would slap me, and I would know that I deserved it. My father would hit me with his briefcase, and it would just be another Tuesday.”

Sirius felt obligated to stay because of his past. Remus felt shame that he had hoped that Sirius was staying for Remus. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t go back. You should go take care of James.”

“She asked me to help her. To not let her be alone with James.”

Remus was intensely confused. Lily had a huge crush on James, why would she ask Sirius, practically James brother, to keep him away from her. “James beat the hell out of Severus. I’m surprised they don’t want to charge him with battery or assault.”

“Why would he do that? He should have just waited for police to take care of it.”

Sirius was quiet. He looked like he was contemplating. He finally shook his head. “I don’t know, he’s a bit irrational.”

“Did that make you think of them?”

Sirius started to cry silently. “I don’t want to associate him with them or Severus. His family proved on multiple occasions that they weren’t my family. It took a while, but they did it.”

“What are you feeling then?”

“I feel like I need to keep James from Lily at all costs. Severus is behind bars, waiting to be charged, but James is out there. He wouldn’t come hurt her, but he doesn’t understand. He had a loving mom and a present father. He was raised with money that was available to him. In high school he was popular. His grades never slipped, he got a scholarship, he was able to help my build a business that we both loved. I don’t think James has ever really felt hurt the way I did, the way Lily did, the way I believe you have.”

Remus understood. When the group had hung out a few times, he always felt like James wasn’t someone he could relate with. While James didn’t ask too many questions, he did treat life with a confidence that came from having a safety net.

“I hate that there is something I resent about my brother.”

“It’s ok to have trouble with family to a certain extent.”

Sirius laughed. “I guess I never got to learn that line very well.”

Remus wasn’t good with words. He wanted to hug Sirius, but the physical affection would have made Remus uncomfortable. He went with a hand on the shoulder. Sirius had more to say.

“I have a brother. A blood brother. One who I grew up with.”

“Want to talk about him.”

Sirius paused. His eyes became cloudy with memory. “I wish I wanted to. I feel like I can’t.”

“When you want to, I’m here.”

-

Sirius had opened up to Remus over the course of a few weeks. Sirius had come to Remus wondering how to bring their friends closer. On one hand helping Lily with her experience and on the other helping James understand the trauma that all of the other’s had gone through. They had come up with a plan to have dinner twice a week. It would be an opportunity to be around Sirius in a non-date-date activity, help Lily still be social, and help James understand.

Remus enjoyed the dinners and they often talked to one another about simple things. The unspoken rule between the four of them were no heavy questions while eating. It was all funny customer stories that Remus had, business meetings that James had attended, paintings that Sirius was working on, and things that had happened at work for Lily.

“I got a request for ‘17 Sex Positions for Your Lover on the Side’. I mean who has the audacity to write that book?”

Sirius was bent over in laughter, chow mien coming out of his nose. James chimed in “Who preorders that at a bookstore under their real name?”

Lily had gotten overwhelmed at the loud and intense turn of the conversation. “I think that I’m going to head to bed now. Thank you for dinner boys.”

James gave her a small nod, Sirius stood to give her a hug. Remus was happy with how close the two had become. Sirius had been vital in making Lily feel understood.

“I’ll head home as well. Sirius are you ready to go?”

Sirius looked at Remus. “Would it be ok if I stayed?”

Remus thought for a moment. **_Keep moving to the center._** “I’d love for you to stay, just not the night if that’s ok.”

“Would I be able to stay on the couch if it gets too late?”

Remus scrunched his face in contemplation. It was a compromise. A big step to have a sleepover. It would be something that made Remus feel vulnerable. “If it gets too late, I’ll go to my bed, and you can sleep on the couch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any requests or things you guys want to see. I have lots of ideas, but if there is an idea or part of the story you want expanded/flashbacked let me know ;)


	25. Lost Brothers and Labels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finds out about Regulus. Remus puts a label on the relationship, and Sirius isn't too happy about it.  
> BETWEEN CHAPTER 23 AND 24.
> 
> 11/2/2020 - Update of Chapter position.

Remus cleaned up the take-out from the takeout. Sirius couldn’t help but notice his fine backside. Going slow was harder than Sirius thought. The more he got to know Remus, the more he began to fall in love. It concerned Sirius that Remus was always hesitant to be vulnerable around him.

Sirius had yet to learn any more on Remus’ past.

“Would you mind if we put a label on this?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. **_Was Remus ready to put a label on this?_** “Ok. What is the label?”

“I’d like to call you my friend.”

Sirius wanted to laugh and cry. The ‘friend’ didn’t even begin to cover what Sirius wanted to be to Remus. Well, it might cover a bit of it. Sirius was ready to date, bring him home, and make them exclusive. Sirius wasn’t dating anyone else, but he wanted to label it as such. As a monogamous relationship with two people falling in love. “I’m a little hurt because I thought we were friends.”

“I think we are too. Friends just means…”

Sirius wondered. What was Remus trying to say? “Please go on. If we’re putting a label on it, I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Friends mean that you drive me home, but don’t expect a kiss goodnight. I can hug you when you need comfort, but not sexual comfort. Friends don’t expect each other to fulfill their sexual needs, and don’t keep the other from fulfilling their needs…elsewhere.”

Sirius was worried. Was Remus fulfilling his **_needs_** elsewhere? They sat in silence. Sirius wanted to push Remus further into the water. Push him into boyfriend territory, but after Remus’ suggested this maybe Sirius and Remus were further away from each other than he thought.

“Are you searching for your needs from someone? Is that why you are asking?”

Remus blushed. “I haven’t… I’ve never… I wanted to make it clear that finding me… that you could do what you wanted… I wouldn’t judge you for getting what you needed from someone who was ready.”

Sirius took his breath of relief. **_How was best to continue though?_** “I’m looking to be exclusive with you. Why don’t we label it as friends, but we seek comfort in one another? No kissing, no sexual expectations, nothing that you don’t want, but when someone asks, I’ll tell them we’re friends.”

Remus considered it for a moment. Sirius was concerned when Remus didn’t answer for a few minutes. “It’s a compromise that internally we know that we’re soulmates with no expectations from each other physically, and externally to the rest of the world we’re friends.”

“I don’t want to leave you…hanging”

Sirius got into Remus’ face, holding his cheeks between his hands. “You are worth the wait. I’m not looking for anyone else.”

Remus smiles at his confirmation. **_Maybe being more verbal would be a good way to go._** Remus seemed to brighten under the confirmation of Sirius’ interest.

After Sirius let go of him and took a step back, Remus held out his hand. “Friends?”

Sirius, as much as he hated the term, relented. “Friends.”

-

After their ‘label’ talk, Remus felt much better. He knew that Sirius wasn’t going to go around telling everyone that they were soulmates. People wouldn’t look at the most handsome man in the world and wonder why the universe had stuck him with someone like him. Sirius wouldn’t ask him to meet the Potters, or hold his hand in public, or invite him to work events.

It had been about a week since that talk. It was a rainy day and Remus was enjoying reading his book near the window. His phone buzzed and someone at the door knocked simultaneously. He phone indicated that Sirius had just arrived.

At the door, Sirius was soaking wet. His tears were evident even with the rain. “Remus, I need you please.” Remus being completely at a loss let Sirius in. He helped take his coat off and laid his socks out to dry.

“Coffee or tea?”

Sirius shook his head. “I need someone to hold me please.”

When Remus hesitated, Sirius started to beg. “I promise I’ll avoid your scars. I won’t push you for anything else, I just need someone to hold me.”

Remus couldn’t stand the heart break on his face. Remus was willing to face the scary nature of physical vulnerability with Sirius. He pulled the shorter man into a hug. Sirius kept his hands at his sides making sure to keep his promise. Remus took Sirius’ head and moved it to the crook of his neck. When Sirius’ face touched the scars that resided there both men tensed in fear of impending pain. Remus was surprised when it never came. After the initial awkwardness had faded, Remus started to enjoy Sirius’ touch. “If you would like to wrap your hands around, I wouldn’t mind trying that.”

Sirius needed no other permission. Sirius held Remus like he was his lifeline.

“Today’s the anniversary of leaving my home and my brother behind.”

“Let’s talk it over with tea or coffee.”

Sirius filled his coffee with whipping cream, cinnamon, and chocolate sauce. Remus had his regular tea with a spoon of milk. Sirius sat on the couch and placed his head in Remus’ lap. “I’m not good at knowing what to do.”

Sirius just smiled at him through his tears. “Would you play with my hair?”

The two sat in silence for a long moment. Sirius would switch between silence and sobs. Remus felt uncomfortable after ten minutes and grabbed the closest book to him. With his hand still in his hair, Remus started reading. Eventually his soulmate’s breathing evened out and the sobbing intervals stopped.

Remus was now left with a sleeping Sirius. Remus loved to study. He had loved going back to school because it left him to his books and studies. It had given him a sense of purpose and stability. He never had gotten an opportunity to study Sirius.

Sirius was a scary subject. A subject that wanted to be apart of him. This man wanted to be in his life and Remus could hardly ask ‘ ** _do you mind if I study you_** ’. Remus was already weird enough without sitting with a note pad, asking all the questions he wanted.

Now he got to study his physical appearance. Long black hair, symmetrical facial features, the beginning of smiles wrinkles around his eyes, and soft eyelashes. Remus ran his fingers along his face soft enough not to wake him.

-

The rain stopped and Sirius began to shift. Remus had gone back to reading his book.

“Were you still up for talking?”

Sirius nodded shyly. “Just a few things. I almost forgot and I never want that to happen again.”

Remus could understand the pain of thinking that one had almost forgotten a lost loved one. The first year Remus didn’t visit his dad on Christmas Eve at the grave, he was in bed for a week with grief.

“His name is Regulus. He helped me leave the house.” Sirius hiccupped and took a sip of his stale coffee. “We promised that we would find one another, but I haven’t had a good lead in years.”

They spoke at length about the good times that Regulus and Sirius had. Remus could tell that Sirius had severely cut around and past the abuse his parents had infused in their life. Remus listened with eager ears. Maybe if Remus studied Sirius more often and let him in as a subject first, he would feel safer letting him in as something more.


	26. Something There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's there that wasn't there before...

Lily had been released from the hospital for three months. She had fully recovered from surgery and the physical bruises. Sirius and she had talked about what James brought up about bills. Lily admitted that her parents had died with a sizable amount of debt. They had requested that Lily and Petunia sell their vacation home, but Petunia had been delaying the sale because she was to absorbed in her new marriage. Sirius offered her a bit of charity. Saying that he would pay off the debt. Lily didn’t want that. She felt like she wanted to work and earn her money. Remus was already paying for everything else, it felt like she needed to do it on her own.

Sirius then told her that a business they had pulled out of a year ago was looking for a personal assistant. He guaranteed that he had no power over hiring, only an inside help to get her an interview. He promised that the job would be all on her merit. James and Sirius wouldn’t be at the business ever most likely. Lily had hesitantly agreed. She had gotten the job and was surprised to find that it was enjoyable.

Lily’s personal life wasn’t too bad either. James had gone back to the charming knight she had known him as before the hotel. Lily still didn’t want to be left alone with him. Sirius and Remus were always around, making sure she wasn’t. The four of them were getting along well.

A new tradition had started, and Lily loved it. Tuesday and Thursday were takeout nights. Sirius liked to invest in the arts, which included cooking. They would all rotate who chose the restaurant, making sure it was a small business, preferably local.

“Dirk Cresswell asked me out on a date this week.” The entire table went silent. “I thought it was nice, and I decided to invite him to dinner next Thursday if that’s ok.”

“You feel ready?” Sirius asked.

Lily nodded her head. “I put a lot of thought into it. I’m going to have him here with you guys for backup, if that’s ok.” She didn’t know why, but she was mainly looking for James approval. She didn’t want to leave him as some sort of fifth wheel. Sirius and Remus had been super cutesy the past month and if Lily brought a date, it would just be James on the outs.

James looked to Sirius who made an odd gesture with his hands. “Of course. You can bring who you want to dinner. I want you to feel comfortable.”

-

A few days later Sirius and Remus were watching a movie at Remus’ apartment. Lily was at work and James was out of town on business. Sirius hardly spent time at his penthouse anymore. He understood that Remus felt safer at his place after being arrested in Sirius’ lobby. Remus had come a way as well. Sirius no longer had to ask to touch Remus as long as he made eye contact before. Remus just needed to know that it was Sirius touching him and not be surprised. This had put Sirius over the moon. He had been touch-starved as a child and from the moment he knew Remus was meant to be his, had craved to always have a hand on him.

Sirius was working on a few ideas for Remus’ kids book while Remus made commentary on the movie.

“Do you think Lily really wants to go on this date?”

Sirius didn’t know what to say to that. He thought that Lily wanted to be better and wanted to be ready to date. If she was actually ready, would show only when she went on the date. “I think she wants to go.”

“Is James going to be ok with his soulmate going on a date with someone else in front of him.”

Sirius shot up. He hadn’t told Remus that James and Lily had matching tattoos. James had been very careful to hide it. He even bought wrap and made sure to cover it every morning in case someone saw it through his white button downs he wore to work. Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius’ dramatics.

“James and Lily are soulmates and you both know it, or James had fallen madly and deeply in love with someone he knows isn’t his soulmates. By the way you talk about soulmates, I guess the first one is true.”

Sirius gave up the charade. He was secretly excited to be able to talk with Remus about it. “I told him it would be best not to pressure her. Telling her might make her feel trapped. I’m coaching him in going slow.”

“You’re such a good friend.” Remus praised him. Friend. Sirius and Remus had defined their relationship to make sure that they were both on the same page. ‘Friend’ was the label Remus was comfortable with now. Sirius wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him now. His face was so close. Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’ hair. He traced his fingers down his jaw and tilted his chin towards him. **_Wait for him to come to you_**. Sirius knew that Remus had gone so outside his comfort zone, just in the last seven seconds. When Remus never made a move to kiss him, Sirius simply traced his fingers across the scars.

“Will you tell me about it?” Remus had still not told Sirius anything more than the fact that he had been kidnapped when he was young. Sirius was curious to know. He thought there were so many landmines in their relationship.

“No.”

“One question? One deep question that I want to know. We’ll do one question at a time. Is that a good compromise?”

Remus was frozen. His eyes were unfocused. Sirius waited for him to come back.

“I will answer one question. Will it be intense?”

“Most likely.”

“We’re friends. I can trust you right?”

There was that word again. ‘Friends’. “Of course.”

Sirius shifted through the many questions he wanted to know. Things that might explain Remus’ behavior or the reasons he avoided certain places. He settled on the first question that Sirius had when he saw the man with many scars.

“What made the scars?”

Remus shot off the couch and started gathering his writings. “Some were a dog attack, some were blades, some were me.” With that Remus left to his bedroom. The door locked after him and the room was quiet. In a weird way, Sirius thought that this was a huge step forward.

-

After an hour of waiting, Remus didn’t hear anything outside of his room. He had told Sirius the horrible nature of his scars. He was sure that Sirius ran off as soon as Remus had left the room. He was surprised to hear Sirius on the other side of his door.

“I’m going to head home and give you your space. I will be back tomorrow if you’re feeling up to it.”

Remus ran to the door desperate to throw it open and embrace Sirius. Something stopped him. He didn’t know what.

He heard his apartment door close and then a text sent to his phone

Sirius

I couldn’t lock the door on the way out.

Thank you for trusting me.

Remus went over to his bookshelf. He had a copy of his book that he had gotten for Sirius. He started writing a personalized message in the front. He wanted Sirius to know. He wanted Sirius and him to be friends like Lily and him were friends. Share everything and support and rely on one another. He sent a text to Sirius when he was finished.

To Sirius

There’s a copy for you of my book by the door if you haven’t gotten too far.

-

The book was gone from the doormat in the morning.

**_Here goes nothing…_ **


	27. Some Heavy Readings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius reads Remus' book. Graphic & Dark WARNING!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER GETS DARK! Please note that this chapter involved Sirius reading Remus' book. It gets graphic and dark and if you don't want those images in your brain I understand.  
> *****************  
> Spoiler for this chapter for those who would like to skip it:  
> *****************  
> Recap of this chapter is that Sirius finds out that Remus had it rough when he was kidnapped. Remus doesn't hear back from Sirius after he collapses from exhaustion and stress.  
> *****************

Sirius hated reading. He had rushed back to the apartment to grab the book Remus had offered him. Sirius had thought that because it was about his favorite subject, Remus, he would be more engaged in the material. That only made it worse. The first paragraph of the book started:

-

_I was once was a boy who believed in fairy tales about princes, princesses, and happily ever after. I still believe in fairy tales, but only the vampires, witches, and werewolves now. I believe because I’ve met them. Stared one in the eye as he tore apart a happily ever after._

-

Sirius wanted to drive to Remus in that moment. He wanted to hold him all night with just the first paragraph. Sirius felt trapped in a paradox he wanted to read for the first time in a long time because it was a portal into a closed off man, he also never wanted to read ever again. In the early hours of the morning, Sirius realized that reading these words weren’t going to change the past, but they would help Sirius sympathize. Sirius read faster than he ever had. Earmarking pages that could explain Remus a bit more.

The last of the passages made Sirius sick. The story was almost unbelievable. Sirius almost couldn’t picture it happening. **_Almost._** The book explained:

-

_After several failed attempts at ransom, I began to wonder if the man would let me go. A fifteen-year-old boy was not worth much. My parents hadn’t even been that wealthy. The man had finally lost it. He pinned me on the ground and attempted to cut my ear off with a pair of scissors. The scissors were only able to cut of the bottom half of the ear, but this seemed to satisfy the man. He threw the piece of me into an envelope and told me to address it to my parents._

_I had to rewrite the address several times as the blood from my fresh wound kept soaking each new envelope. After hours of waiting for it to slow enough to not ruin the paper, and the address being able to be read clearly, the man left._

_He never returned after that night. It was about a week after that the police were able to track down his address from the mailing he had sent. The police found a boy in the basement that night. It wasn’t the boy who went in, but I am the boy who made it out alive._

-

Sirius rushed to the bathroom. He threw up several times. Sirius hadn’t slept and it was nearly noon. The expulsion of what little he had in his stomach and the toll staying up had put on him. Sirius passed out on the bathroom floor sobbing. His heart was burning inside him and Sirius couldn’t put in out.

-

Lily and Remus were sharing breakfast. Both were silent and staring at the phone waiting for it to ring. Luckily, Lily didn’t have to work so she was able to stay with Remus. Remus told Lily as soon as she got home that he had given Sirius a copy of the book. Lily knew what that meant to Remus.

So, they waited. They ate in silence, watched movies that neither were too invested in, and cleaned the house at a lazy pace. When dinner rolled by and they had heard from neither James nor Sirius, Remus knew what that meant. Sirius had decided that he couldn’t handle that baggage.

It had happened before. One man that Remus had gotten involved with had dated Remus for over a year. When Remus offered him the book, the man returned it stating that just the first half was enough to know he didn’t want a future with Remus.

Lily brushed Remus’ hair and ran her fingers over his scars until he fell asleep in her arms. She whispered reassurances that she would always be there. She also believed that Sirius would come back to Remus. That Sirius wasn’t one to run away this easy.

-

He dreamt of Sirius. Visions of Sirius in a cottage that looked a lot like Lily’s vacation home from their youth. Sirius was holding a little boy with large glasses strapped to his head to keep them on. Sirius was singing a song softly, but off key. The small boy slung over his shoulder would appear asleep until Sirius would try and set him down. The boy would jump awake and beg for another song, Sirius would always comply.

-

As Sirius was finally able to put the boy to bed, Remus woke up. Lily was on her side asleep still. Remus checked his phone and still had no messages. **_So much for soulmates._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on updating more chapters tonight or tomorrow too.


	28. Next to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some sweet to go with that last sour chapter. Sirius and Remus fluff.

James was so excited to be back in town. All of his friends had gone radio silence on him. James made sure that work wrapped up early for him out of town so that he could get back for Thursday dinner. He wanted to make it to this dinner before Lily brought her date next week.

Sirius had been helping James out and with Lily he had made a lot of progress. She would look him in the eyes and respond to his questions with her opinions instead of what he might want to hear. Last dinner they had even sat together alone at the table while Sirius went to grab food and Remus had grabbed something in his room.

James felt like he was ten sometimes, being excited about such little steps, but Sirius assured James that they were bigger than he thought. Sirius had also urged James to let Lily date. She would be able to better separate him and her devil ex. She would see a range of people and come to James being able to see that difference better.

James had done his own research after their talk at the hospital. He even went to a support group for partners who had been in bad situations before. James didn’t speak but went to learn from the therapist who lead the group.

-

Walking into the penthouse was a breath of relief. James went to go shower off the trip, but the door was closed. After a moment he knocked. No response. James tried to open the door. It was unlocked but there was weight on the opposite side keeping it closed. James pushed with all his strength to squeeze through a portion of the opened door.

Sirius laid propped against the wall now. Completely devoid of color. James called the emergency number. While they stated they were on their way, he attempted to wake Sirius. His eyes opened but didn’t react to anything that was said.

In desperation, James lifted Sirius up. Making sure he wasn’t going to fall, James moved him to the couch.

“Sirius please tell me what happened. What got you so sick?”

Still no answer. The elevator did open with paramedics. James cracked as they asked him to back up while they tried to hydrate him and get his heart rate back to normal. “Please you have to make sure he’s ok. I don’t have much else if I don’t have him.”

-

Paramedics were able to stabilize Sirius. They told James that rest would be key to recovery.

Looking at the clock, he saw that it was nearly nine at night. He pulled out his phone to call Lily, **_no call Remus_** , so he did. Lily still picked up the phone.

“You have some nerve calling this late.”

“Sirius got sick. He’s at home but the health professionals said he needed rest.”

Lily covered the phone and yelled something to someone off the phone. “Did he said what he thought of the book?”

“Sirius reading a book? I didn’t hear anything about it.”

“Ok. Remus and I will be over soon. We will take the next train over.”

-

The ding of the elevator woke Sirius. His head was pounding. Taking in his environment, he was no longer in the bathroom. James was sitting on his phone, probably playing a game. After a moment Lily cautiously knocked on the open door, making her presence known to James.

“James said you were sick.”

“Yeah I must have fallen asleep in the bathroom this morning. I got sick and just laid down on the floor.”

Remus was skirting on the walls of the room. Sirius wanted to cry. The book put this him in a totally different light to Sirius. Before Remus was a man who had been through hard things like everyone in life and came through the other side fine. Remus really was a man who had been through _harder_ things than most, and still came out kind and soft. Remus was too far for his liking. Sirius went to sit up but realized he did not have enough strength to do so.

“Please…”

Remus was hesitant but came to kneel at the bed and hold his hand. They looked at each other for a long moment. “I don’t think I want you to read the book anymore. I’m going to take your copy back if that’s ok.”

Sirius was extremely confused. “I read the whole thing last night. You can take it back, but I don’t think I can forget it.”

Remus was now drained of color too. “It’s what made you sick didn’t it?”

Sirius contemplated lying. “It was the very end.”

“I understand that you can’t handle this. I can leave now if it would make you more comfortable.”

“Please don’t leave me” Even Sirius was surprised at how beggy his voice sounded. “I wanted to hold you all night. I wanted to comfort you and help you. I hurt so bad that I couldn’t.”

Remus had tears in his eyes. Sirius looked around and saw that at some point Lily and James had slipped out of the room, leaving them alone. “Come lay with me Remus. I’d like to trace your scars if that’s ok. Lily has said that calms you down sometimes.” Remus nodded.

The two lay in bed for what felt like an eternity before Sirius couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. For the briefest moment before he fell asleep, he heard Remus hum quietly and a bit off key his favorite song.


	29. Coffee and Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super short connecting fluff about coffee and cream. Next chapter Lily's date comes to dinner and James brings someone as well...

Lily came over to James as his brother and his paired soulmate talked. She leaned to his ear and started to speak. James didn’t hear a word she said. She was so close to him and his bicep started buzzing. Right where his mark was. She had never been this close to him When she grabbed his hand, he guessed that she wanted to give the couple time to themselves.

James had never felt a mind this singularly focused. All he felt was her hand in his the entire length from the bedroom to the kitchen. She laughed at something. James glanced around to try and find the source of her amusement.

“It seems like you could use a cup of coffee.” Lily started to grab Sirius’ mugs and coffee maker. James hated the taste of the coffee Sirius bought, it was always too sweet. He would take anything from the hands of Lily Evens though. James nodded along not knowing what else to do. “I was saying that you looked tired.”

“Yeah. This trip was with the new investors we got like six months ago wanted to see the business run in person. They were unhappy with some of the business moves the guy made. It was a lot of trying to convince them to see the bigger picture instead of a short-term investment.”

Lily nodded along. She started to sweeten the coffee and James grabbed his cup before she could do anything. “Do you not want sweetener?”

Before James could stop his thought from falling out of his mouth. “You are plenty sweet for me.”

Both of them blushed. James liked the way that when she was uncomfortable and blushed, her dimples would show. Lily added more milk than coffee to hers as well as some salted caramel drizzle. It was the most horrifying thing.

“They look so in love.”

James had to agree. The two friends in the other room were so obviously made for each other. He wondered if anyone would ever look at Lily and him that way. Look and know that they are made for each other. James hoped so.

“You got your hair cut while you were gone.”

James was surprised she noticed. He had trimmed it up for the meeting. “I wanted it to look as nice as possible. This is the first time we are playing with other people’s money and not fully funding it ourselves.”

“Do you enjoy playing knight in shining armor?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “That act you have. Where you see someone and decided to make sure their life is perfect and if it’s not swoop in for them.”

James hadn’t ever thought of it that way. “I never had to worry about myself or the ability to fulfill my dreams. I want other people to be able to live that way too. What’s the fun in sitting around with loads of money? Making other people happy, now that’s fun.”

Lily shifted in her seat. “You like to make other people dependent on you for their happiness?”

He could see the phrase through her ‘abuse glasses’ as Sirius had dubbed it. “That’s not it. I enjoy being able to take my privilege and seen it used to help people who aren’t. When they’re self-sufficient, I leave them to their own. I don’t want control. I just want more happiness in the world.”

Lily took this in. He hoped he had answered the question correctly. She went to change the subject after he didn’t say anything more. “The world is happier when sugar is added to your coffee. Otherwise it’s just bitter and dark.”

James looked at this flaming woman with so much passion, he wanted to help her fulfill her dreams. She was the sweetener to his world.

“Like I said darling, you are plenty sweet for me.”


	30. Sparks Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily enjoys her date, until James brings one too. All is well that ends well right?

When Tuesday dinner rolled around Lily was excited for Dirk to join them for dinner. There was just one thing stopping her from enjoying it 100%. Her and James had an odd exchange the last week when Sirius had gotten sick. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had almost been flirting the way he called her sweet.

They had ordered from an Indian place that Sirius had invested in a year ago. The had opted to go to the penthouse instead of their tiny apartment so they could fit everyone. Sirius and Remus were the only ones there when she arrived.

“James is getting the food this time. Tell us about yourself Dirk.” Remus was excited to get to know someone who had caught Lily’s eye and was trying to read him most definitely.

Dirk went on about his work in the law firm. It was weird to see Sirius slip into business mode. Talked about their goals and what their expansion looked like. When Remus asked Lily how she was getting along, Dirk took the chance to brag about her. “Lily is quite the personal assistant to Slughorn. He raves about her constantly. ‘Always gets my mail right’ or ‘Never gets the coffee wrong’ and ‘Always has great insights to a case’.”

She was not enjoying the attention as Remus started to tease her about it. Luckily James walked in with the food. He also unexpectedly had a girl with him. Sirius greeted this girl with a kiss on the cheek before introducing her as Mary McDonald.

“I’m glad that you could come Mary. James has been wanting to have you around for a while.” Lily felt unexplained jealousy rise in her throat. James had placed Mary’s hand on his arm and lead her to the kitchen. They placed the food on the table and dinner officially started.

Dirk got along fine with the rest of the group. There was lots of chatter. Dirk asked Lily about her interest and hobbies. He asked Remus about his writing after he brought it up. He talked with Sirius and James about new ideas he was interested in pursuing and ideas that they were currently pursing. He asked Mary about her vacation that she just came back from. Dirk was the perfect date.

**_Why then could she only look at James?_ **

-

After Dirk left, the group wanted to play a game. They set out the cards and started playing Uno. Lily didn’t mind playing. It was when James and his date started to treat the game less seriously and flirt more.

“You can’t do that. It’s against the rules.” Lily tried to explain.

Mary just kept laughing “I think that if James just made me draw eight and I still don’t have green, that a yellow should do.”

“I think that’s not how the game works.” Lily was getting sick of this game fast. Remus had stepped out, his social battery depleted. Sirius was watching the game unfold without saying a word. She really didn’t appreciate feeling out numbered.

James leaned into Mary’s shoulder. He grabbed her hand and kissed it “If Mary is going to cheat and still lose, I think she should get a handicap on the next game. Start with three cards. Maybe that will up her chances.”

Lily became intolerant of the behavior. If he wanted to flirt with this girl, don’t do it with the front of a game when other people actually wanted to play. “I think I’m going to check if Remus is ok. You can finish out this game or start a new one. I don’t think I’ll be back.”

Lily went to hid in the bathroom. She knew Remus didn’t want to be disturbed over her unwarranted feelings of jealousy. Finally, the elevator signaled someone’s departure. With that Lily knew James was walking Mary out. This was her chance to head out without having to confront James about her outburst.

If the universe was trying to mortify her more, James was leaning against the wall of the hallway when she came out. She tried not to look at him for too long. “I’m going to go home.”

“Would you like a ride?”

“I think that’s what Mary wanted.”

James smirked, which only made Lily want to punch him. “Sirius is taking her home. Remus is still here though. No need to worry.”

Lily wondered why we would have phrased it like that. For the first few weeks after her last confrontation with Severus, she was nervous to be around James. He was incredibly strong, but after the initial shock, she tried to remember that he hadn’t done anything to her except try to get her out. After they started having dinner so often together and James never flirted with her, she assumed that it put him off of the romantic feelings that might have been there. 

“I wasn’t worried. Not of you.”

James was trying desperately to suppress his grin but was failing. It came out as a boyish smirk. It made Lily’s heart melt. She wanted him to kiss her and then look like that. She didn’t want him to look like that after a date with another woman.

Coming out of her head she realized that she was chest to chest with James. He was leaned up against the wall with his hands in his pocket. Lily had practically pressed herself and molested him in the hall. When she realized this, she jumped back. “I’ll just go.”

She was almost out of the hall when James’ annoyed sigh made her turn around. “Is something the matter? Do you have a problem with me?”

“I do actually. You stare at me all night, almost kiss me, and then walk off like it didn’t happen.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

James walked up to her slowly. Lily wasn’t going to back down. If he wanted to play, she was going to win. “I would touch Mary on the arm, and you would stare at my hand until you were caught, or I moved it.” James moved his hands up her arms. “I would laugh at a joke and you would purse your lips.” He now held her face. “I kissed her on the cheek, and you would blush and snap at who ever was talking with you.” He moved his thumb over her lips.

Lily bubbled at the insinuation that she was not a good guest or date tonight. “I did not snap at anyone tonight.”

James hummed in response. He was still holding her face. She waited for him to do something, but he just continued to stare at her. “I wanted to give you space after everything. I’m waiting for you to come to me, if that’s what you want.”

Lily was shocked. James’s meaning was obvious. There was no room for misinterpretation with the look on his face. Lily had overthought and over-analyzed her whole life; this was obvious, and Lily didn’t want to do ruin this by trying to pull it apart. She kissed him. As soon as their lips touched James enveloped her in his arms.

He tasted like black coffee and gingersnap cookies.


	31. Kiss and Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus hear both sides of the kiss...

James waited for Lily would had obviously hid in the bathroom when Mary had teased her one too many times. When she came out, Lily looked ashamed.

“I’m going to go home.”

“Would you like a ride?”

“I think that’s what Mary wanted.” James sensed that Lily wasn’t referring to his car.

James smirked. She was so jealous. Mary was an old school friend who they hadn’t seen in a few years. Even if she was someone that James might have potential interest in, Lily was his soulmate. He valued that above all else. “Sirius is taking her home. Remus is still here though. No need to worry.” He didn’t want he to think that he had orchestrated Sirius taking Mary home so he could get her alone.

“I wasn’t worried. Not of you.”

That surprised James. It had seemed that Lily and he had found a groove, but only around the others. James was trying desperately to suppress his grin but was failing. Sirius’ had been right, his patient and understanding technique had worked.

Lily had been slowly moving forward and they were so close. James could have moved one inch and kissed her. He wanted to so badly. He wanted to spin her around and pin her to the wall. That thought brought him out of it. **_Slow and steady._**

She must have realized how close they were. She jumped back. “I’ll just go.”

This woman wouldn’t take a chance. They had both been enjoying the moment, why leave. His annoyance was unintentionally made know.

“Is something the matter? Do you have a problem with me?”

“I do actually. You stare at me all night, almost kiss me, and then walk off like it didn’t happen.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

James walked up to her slowly as to not scare her. Lily squared up her shoulders. If she wanted to play games, he was going to give her a game. “I would touch Mary on the arm, and you would stare at my hand until you were caught, or I moved it.” James tried to mimic the way he had placed his hands on Mary. The way his hands had been when Lily turned the brightest red and scrunched her face the hardest. “I would laugh at a joke and you would purse your lips.” Moving to her chin he tilted it up just so their lips were lined up. “I kissed her on the cheek, and you would blush and snap at whoever was talking with you.” He moved his thumb over her lips. He had actually found it amusing and asked Mary if he could kiss her several times on the cheek (platonically of course). Mary understood almost immediately why and thought it was funny. She loved playing along and had even kissed James a few times.

Lily scrunched and turned red. “I did not snap at anyone tonight.”

James hummed in response. He was still holding her face. He was setting the game. **_Kiss me or leave._** When she did nothing, he wanted to tell her. Tell her she was his soulmate. That they were meant to be. That he would do anything for her, all he wanted in return was for her to be apart of his life. He settled on explaining the last few weeks. “I wanted to give you space after everything. I’m waiting for you to come to me, if that’s what you want.”

James thought she was going to back down. He should have known that she wasn’t one to back down. There were lots of things he should have known but didn’t yet.

One thing that he know now, was that Lily tasted like caramel and cream.

-

“Sirius, I kissed her.”

Sirius lowered his cup of coffee. “James are you kidding me? I left you two alone to talk and you take advantage of that?” Sirius had thought that with Remus in his room reading, it would be a great test of if Lily was becoming more comfortable around James. He was disappointed.

“No, I didn’t. We talked and then things were happening, and things got…and there was tension…I guess I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me…but you don’t get it… we kissed!”

Sirius took a moment. If Lily had consented, then Sirius needed to back off. He needed to trust that she would pace herself. Sirius now with concerns addressed, was able to take in the amazing news that James had romantically moved on his soulmate and it had been successful.

When Sirius started smiling, James also had a grin the span of his entire face. The two silently rejoiced. James had been patient and Sirius knew that at many times in the past months, James had been frustrated at the pace that he needed to go to. Lily wasn’t the only one who had made progress towards being more ready for a relationship.

“Do you think she might regret kissing me?”

Sirius could hear the vulnerability in his voice. He didn’t know what Lily would be thinking. In this moment, he needed to be James’ brother more than Lily’s voice. Start playing wingman now that Lily was back on her feet. “I’m sure she regrets not doing it earlier. All the girls in school raved about James Potter and his famous lips…and tongue.”

James did shove Sirius at that comment.

-

Lily had been silent the whole train ride home. Remus was getting a little worried. Sirius had told Remus that he was the one to take Mary home, and the two love birds were left alone. Remus had wished that Sirius had told him before, but nothing too bad seemed to have happened.

The moment Remus locked the door Lily turn to him and blurted “I kissed him.” This was the last thing he thought Lily would have said or done. Remus wasn’t good at this.

“Did you like it?”

Lily lit up like a Christmas tree. “I did.”

The two stood there in the living room. Remus didn’t know where to look. Lily’s gears were turning, and she obviously had something she wanted to say. “What’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to get too involved. He was raised to value the soulmate connection above all else. I wouldn’t want to be the other girl, or the second choice.”

Remus tried to keep his face neutral. James had a good reason for keeping his discovery of their matching marks a secret. Sirius had a good reason for keeping it from Remus, but Remus had worked it out himself. Remus was good at keeping to himself, but Lily was quite perceptive when it came to Remus.

“You know something.” Remus went to walk past Lily to his room. “What do you know Lupin?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You are a terrible liar. What do you know that I don’t know about this?”

“I don’t know you’ll have to ask him.” Remus knew that was the wrong thing to say. It was practically admitting that he knew something.

“Does James already know who his soulmate is?”

Remus was at a loss of what to say. He could tell the truth and step over James. The other hand was it was really something that James should tell her.

“What happened? I know he’s not mine, he doesn’t have the matching mark.”

“Placement between soulmates can be different.” Remus recited the passage he had read when researching soulmate. He instantly regretted sharing that bit of information.

“What exactly does that mean Remus John Lupin?”

Remus stayed still. He hoped that he would disappear into the wall. This was all too much. He was too overwhelmed with what to do. “Please. I didn’t want to overstep. I’m on your side, but there were lots of factors to consider. I want you to be happy, but Severus made it complicated.”

Lily wrapped herself around Remus. “You’ll always be the first man I loved. You have always loved me too. Thank you for always trying to put me first.” Lily pulled away and started putting on her coat and shoes. Before she closed the door behind her she turned back. “I think you should move forward with Sirius. You two are obviously more than friends. I think Sirius might be waiting for you to kiss him first too.”

With that she went out to get her answers. Remus sat on his bed that night. Him and Sirius had just done friend things. The most couple thing they did was hold hands. Remus had done a lot of research on soulmates. Some soulmates he found lived their whole lives with one another, but never had romantic feelings for one another. These soulmates were labeled as ‘platonic’. This felt more true to Remus. After Sirius had read the book, the physical closeness and touching had lessened significantly. He didn’t think that Sirius would ever want to kiss him or love him like a partner. Remus had been trying to convince himself that never having Sirius’ heart would be ok. He would have a place in it and that would be enough for him.


	32. Regrets and All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jily for this chapter. Wolfstar is coming in the next few chapters.

In the late hours of the night James heard the elevator ding. Sirius and James had broken out the expensive alcohol and were working through the bottles fast.

“James Potter, where is it?” Lily had walked in striding fast towards them.

His addled brain tried to figure out what she was looking for. She was beautiful. He couldn’t think about her request much after his thoughts floated to her hair. “You are like a bright fire.”

“That’s great. Tell me where it is, or I’ll search for it myself.”

Sirius was also confused. Both the men tried to figure out what she was talking about. Sirius must have gotten distracted by something as well because giggles bubbled from him and he said. “Miss Evens. You kissed my brother.”

Lily didn’t seem to find this amusing. “Potter, take your shirt off now.”

“Is that anyway to seduce a man?” Sirius asked.

James with all inhibitions lowered, blurted “Only if you take yours off first.”

Lily started unbuttoning his shirt. James had no problems with that. She started talking about how Remus wouldn’t have seen James with his pants off. James was very confused as to why she was talking about Remus when she was taking off his clothes. He got a bit jealous when he wondered if she had seen Remus with his pants off.

“I prefer you to say my name while were doing this.”

“James. I need you to sober up a bit.” Lily pointed to his wrapped bicep. “What happened here?”

James went with the first lie that came to his head. “Almost chopped my arm off in the elevator.” That would definitely throw her off her fascination. **_Maybe she’ll do my pants next._**

“You are one idiotic man.” The wrap started to come undone.

“No! His arm will fall off. He’ll die!” Sirius shouted trying to get Lily to stop.

“You are both terrible liars when you’re drunk and are horrible at improve.” With that, the bandage fell away, and James looked up. **_Did she recognize the pattern? What would she think of him keeping it from her?_**

“How long have you known?”

While James still couldn’t concentrate and was on the edge of blacking out, he was able to manage saying “Our first movie night.”

He didn’t hear her reaction. That was the last thing that James remembered of the night of celebration between him and Sirius.

-

Lily saw the matching mark on his arm and wanted to cry.

“How long have you known?”

James head was lulling from side to side. “Our first movie night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

James eyes rolled back and became unresponsive. Sirius started to shake James. When he didn’t get a response, Sirius looked her dead in the eyes. “I told you he would die. Look at what you’ve done to him.”

“Oh, shut up. Help me get the lug to his bed. I wouldn’t want him to wake up with a hangover _and_ an ache in his neck.”

Sirius and Lily only got about halfway dragging James by his feet before Sirius went off to throw up and Lily wasn’t able to do it by herself.

She leaned down into James ear, and even though James wasn’t able to hear her, she said “You are so lucky I love you.” She texted Remus that she’ll be staying with James that night. Remus texted back a quick thank you. Remus didn’t always have the right words, but always had the right idea. Lily curled into James neck. The ground felt like heaven when she was in the arms of her soulmate.

-

James hated hangovers. Sirius must had cuddled up to him in the middle of the night because there was a head laying in his shoulder.

“Hey. Stop taking advantage of me and go cuddle with Remus. I’m too hung over for this.”

He heard a light laugh. “I guess I’ll head out if you would rather me go home.”

 ** _Lily was still here._** He tried to play it cool. “Good morning. I was just about to make breakfast. Did you want some?”

Lily laughed way to loud for his headache to take. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere with the hangover you have. You had at least three bottles yourself.”

The two laid in silence on the floor and James almost fell asleep again. It was warm and the sun was coming through the window. He had his soulmate in his arms and felt complete.

“When were you going to tell me?” Lily’s voice was quiet and almost melancholy.

She had seen the mark and recognized it. There was no hiding it and waiting for the right moment. His plan to reveal it to her were all thrown off now. “I didn’t know whether to tell you after you told me you weren’t wanting a relationship, or after the hotel.” James was trying to infuse some humor. She did not laugh.

“Do you not want me after the hotel thing happened?”

 ** _How could she think that?_** James sat up as fast as he could. Which was a bad plan, because his stomach rebelled automatically. He was able to stumble to the bathroom before anything too bad happened.

James was leaning over the toilet for a while. Lily’s hands pushed the hairs around his face back when he finally came up for air. All he could do was stare at her. She was so strong. She was caring. When she spoke, it was soft yet it was filled with passion. “You are my perfect puzzle piece.”

“That would be so much nicer if you hadn’t just thrown up.”

“I shouldn’t tell you I love you then?”

“Did you not want to have me as your soulmate after hearing what Severus said?”

James closed his eyes and reveled in the coolness of her hands on his neck and face. “I wanted to kill him.” She gasped, but James continued. “If he was manipulating you with money, that is lower than dirt.”

“Remus said they set his court date a few days ago.”

“What you did with him doesn’t matter to me. What you do with me is what matters now.”

“I did things I’m not proud of.”

James opened his eyes. She was crying. “I’ve done things that I’m not proud of either. Will you learn to love me anyways?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “What would you regret?”

He sat up against the wall. This is not where he thought this conversation would take place, but he didn’t want to put it off any longer. He tried to keep eye contact even with his headache. “I regret going to that hotel without a plan. I regret thinking I knew what was best. I regret not texting Sirius earlier. I regret the way you looked at me when you left that hotel. I regret the way you looked at me when I first came to the hospital.” James hoped she believed him. “I’ve tried every day since then to be whatever you needed. I don’t want to be him. I want to be with you; however you want that to be.”

Lily kissed him. James kept his mouth closed, confident that he didn’t taste good at all. She continued to pepper his face with kisses when she tired of his mouth. Even with his fever, the heat of her mouth was comforting.

“When I thought it wasn’t you, my heart broke. You in that bookshop made me feel more than I had ever felt before. I don’t have to learn to love you because I already have learned to love you.” James held her head in his hands. “James Potter I love you, regrets and all.”

“I love you regrets and all my Lily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you want to see next. More backstory? Wolfstar pining? Any characters you wanna see that haven't been mentioned?


	33. What We Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I though Sirius should get a little love on his birthday ( 11/3 ;) )  
> Remus and Sirius...talk it out

Remus hadn’t spoken to Sirius about the night he had read Remus’ book and then fell asleep with him. Sirius had woken up to Remus closing his bedroom door without a word. It had been a week since. Sirius didn’t think much of his slow progress with Remus until yesterday. James had connected with his soulmate and everything looked effortless. Even with all of the trauma that Lily had, they had connected as if nothing had ever happened. The closest he had gotten to Remus was holding hands in bed, and Remus leaving without saying goodbye.

Sirius understood. After reading the horrible things that were done to him, Sirius could understand how trust would never come easy. Sirius was just beginning to question if it would ever come.

Sirius wondered if Remus looked at him when he wasn’t looking. Much like Sirius would stare at Remus when he wasn’t looking. He was sure that he had memorized every part of Remus’ face the amount of times he drew it. Sirius wanted him, but not under duress. So, he would wait.

-

This was the second night Lily hadn’t come home. While Remus lived alone before Lily moved in, he had gotten used to another presence in the apartment. Remus felt lonely and replaced. His insomnia was keeping him up and the apartment felt suffocating.

He pondered on what Lily had last said to him. The fact that Sirius might be waiting for Remus to kiss him first was an absurd thought. Sirius’ lips were plump and most likely soft and delicious. If Remus kissed Sirius, all he would feel was the chapped scar tissue that sat in place of lips. Sirius couldn’t possibly desire that. No one would desire that.

As Remus settled into his bed for the night, he couldn’t help but come back to reality. If someone was going to make the first move, it needed to be Sirius.

-

_Dream Sequence_

Sirius was above Remus. Remus had his hands tied to Sirius’ headboard. It had been well covered, but Remus did see the hoops and ropes attached to his bed set. Usually used for bondage. Remus had dabbled in BDSM, but with trust issues it made the lifestyle hard.

Sirius was all around him, touching him and whispering sweet nothings. Remus was begging him for more. “Please, more.”

“You have never asked for more.”

In a moment, the dream changed. The voice was no longer Sirius’. It was **his**. The soft painter’s hands were replaced with the cold metal of a blade. Remus was still tied down. There was no escape.

“Sirius, please. Help me please.”

Remus continued to thrash back and forth. There was no escape.

“He won’t want you after I’m done with you.”

Remus could feel each new cut made. Then came the rubbing alcohol. **He** only used that when Remus had particularly annoyed **him**. Remus kept screaming.

“Please. I’ve learned my lesson. Please.”

It didn’t stop. Soon Remus was shaking. It felt like an earthquake. His body was being jostled back and forth. **He** disappeared. Remus was left alone sharking in a dusty basement.

“Remus I’m here.”

Had Sirius come after all? Had Sirius just watched as **he** had torn him apart? Remus sobbed. Sirius would never look at him the same.

“Please, Remus you need to wake up.”

_End Dream Sequence_

-

Sirius was tired of the animalistic noises coming from James bedroom. He was jealous and angry. Sirius needed to leave before he throttled them both. Sirius took Lily’s keys so that he could go visit Remus. **_Remus might be up_**. Sirius had found the pattern that Remus often replied to texts in the earliest hours of the morning. He shot off a text and a few moments later knocked on the door. Remus didn’t answer. He used Lily’s key to get in.

The living room was empty, but he could hear Remus screaming. Sirius tried the door. It was locked. Sirius started slamming into the door. After a few attempts, the door splintered. Sirius started to kick in at the weak points.

As soon as there was enough room for him to make it through, Sirius ran to Remus’ side.

“Remus can you hear me?”

There was no direct response. Just mumblings and murmurings.

“Please. I’ve learned my lesson. Please.”

Sirius started to shake Remus awake. “Remus I’m here. Please, Remus you need to wake up.”

Remus shot up in a sweat. He was looking at Sirius, but his eyes were unfocused. “Don’t touch them. Don’t touch them.”

Sirius’ heart broke at the pleading. “I won’t touch them. I can’t see where they are. Tell me where they are.”

“All over. They’re all over.” Remus was hysterical. “I couldn’t get him to stop. I didn’t want you to see.”

Sirius was desperate to help. “I won’t let him come back.”

This reassurance brought focus back to Remus’ eyes. He blinked back the tears. Coming out of nightmares was a sensitive place. Sirius wanted to ground Remus back to reality. Sirius wanted to ground Remus to him.

“Can you name me three ice cream flavors?” Remus looked at him questioningly. “Just do it Remus.”

“Rocky road, vanilla, and cookie dough.”

“Good. Good. Now tell me three favorite books.”

“Just three?”

Sirius laughed. Remus was coming back down from the adrenaline. “Just three. Maybe the last three that you read.”

“My English textbook, ‘Grapes of Wrath’, and ‘Basics of Business Management’”

“Why are you reading ‘Basics of Business Management’? I didn’t think a publishing major would require that.”

Remus blushed. Sirius knew that Remus was coming down, but he wanted to kiss him. His face was flush from the combination cry and embarrassment. He also seemed more prone to eye contact after waking up. This was the longest they had maintained that eye contact.

“My soulmate is really into business.”

The words _soulmate_ made Sirius lose his breath. “It’s been a few months since you’ve said that out loud.”

“I’m confused. We talk about your business quite frequently.”

“It’s been awhile since you said I was your soulmate.” Sirius was delighted to the base of his soul. The connection seemed to pull them together until their noses were almost touching. Remus would usually pull away when Sirius got this close. The most physical contact they had had was when they shared a bed that night after Sirius read the book. Since then, Remus had been more thoughtful in touching Sirius. He could feel his soulmate overthinking every move he made.

“I did some research.”

“Do enlighten me Remus.”

“I read about unique soulmates. Ones that don’t often occur. Things like not being able to see color until you find them, being drawn together like literal magnets, or visions.”

Remus was doing research on their connection. **Maybe he was growing more comfortable with the ideas of being with someone forever.** Remus might want to move forward. This was it. He wasn’t going to interrupt and risk Remus not moving forward.

“There is something rare called a ‘platonic soulmate’. It’s where the soulmate connection doesn’t have romantic feelings behind it. I just wanted to let you know as we continue to be ‘friends’ its normal to not have romantic feelings.”

Sirius broke. His body was wracked with a sob. “Remus, I know that it might take time with everything you’ve been through to learn how to love. I will have enough of that for both of us in the beginning. I’m willing to wait, just don’t give up on me please.” Sirius grabbed Remus face. He was frantic to grab any part of Remus that could love him eventually. “Please learn to love me. It doesn’t have to be now. Just eventually will be enough of a promise for me.”

Remus gaped at Sirius. “Sirius, I’m trying to let you know it’s ok for you not to have feelings for me.”

Sirius was offended. He angrily stood up and got off the bed. “Not have feelings? For you? I feel like I’m the only one with feelings here. I want nothing more than to love you and care for you.”

Remus got up as well. He straightened his back and squared his shoulders. “How could you ever want this, want me Sirius? It’s been months since we realized what we have. We’ve barely made any progress. Even when we do, what will change? Will you kiss me? Will you want me? Will there be any desire between the two of us? With the way I look, I doubt that there will be any desire or heat between the two of us.”

Sirius was fuming. How dare he belittle what they had together? Passion bounced between the two of them until Sirius couldn’t take it. He grabbed Remus and pulled him down. He brough their lips together. He tried to be tentative at first. He didn’t want to push Remus past what he was comfortable with.

When Remus didn’t push away, Sirius pulled him in. Their kiss became heated and intense. Words weren’t going to convince Remus of his desire; he was going to show him. Sirius rubbed on him just right. He was going to feel that desire that Sirius tried to hide.

Remus did push away at that. Sirius was worried that he had scared Remus away. That he moved too fast and too far.

“I guess it isn’t platonic.”

“Ever the Sherlock Holmes you are Remus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been contemplating some smutty or more mature. Thoughts? Should it be a separate oneshot or included in the main story?


	34. Labels and Haircuts

Remus laid in Sirius neck. Sirius was playing with his hair, a new sensation Remus was learning to enjoy. “When was the last time you got your haircut?”

Remus thought on it. “Around the time Lily was released. It was a quick cut, but it was getting too long.”

Sirius started to play with his hair with more intention seemingly. “Do you cut your own hair?”

Remus knew he wasn’t the best hairdresser, but Remus wouldn’t let anyone near his face with scissors since he was fifteen. “It’s the only way I can do it.”

Remus wondered what Sirius thought of his hair. Sirius seemingly took pride in his hair. It always looked perfectly placed and properly taken care of. Sirius was beautiful. He wondered if Sirius would be ok with Remus’ appearance if they went in public together.

Sirius was definitely studying Remus’ hair at this point. “What if I were to cut your hair?”

Remus stilled. Not even Lily had the nerve to get near Remus with scissors. She had once tried to cut his hair and when she started buzzing around his ear, he slapped her hand away and ended up with a bald spot.

“Cutting your hair could be a boyfriend thing to do.”

 ** _Boyfriend._** That was the label the had settled on after they had kissed. Remus didn’t hate the term.

-

Sirius was setting up the perfect serene scene to cut Remus’ hair. Trying to keep him as calm as possible was key. There was a pot of tea boiling, a candle lit, and the temperature cool. Remus walked in from his shift at the bookstore.

Sirius couldn’t stop smiling. He was excited to perform his first boyfriend duty. Making breakfast before Remus went to work didn’t count. This was something Lily had never done. While the two of them were friends, Sirius often was jealous at how close Lily was to **_his boyfriend_**.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He was excited to share this with James. He wanted to wait and tell James in person. He would be so excited. First thing first, the haircut.

“Anything about the environment triggering?” Remus shook his head. **_Good_**. “I’m just using the scissors, no buzzers for the loud noise.”

Remus sat down. He was stiff and had his eyes closed. Sirius began to even out the hair. Remus started shaking and Sirius got closer to his face. Sirius decided that talking might help. “I used to cut Regulus’ hair. He started growing it out at school when he wasn’t around our parents. We would meet up before we went back, and I would cut his har off. Make it nice and short like they wanted. I would do the upkeep for him. I had to cut my hair as well. He wasn’t very good at cutting hair. I haven’t cut my hair any shorter than my shoulders since I joined the Potters.”

By the end of the story, Remus’ hair was done. He looked more… put together. Remus looked great before, now his hair was less choppy.

“How does it look?”

“Would you like to look in a mirror?” Sirius said before he could think about it too much. “Remus. I didn’t mean…”

“No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t, but I’m sure Lily will describe it.”

“Well, I would love to show you off.”


	35. Brighter and Lighter Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus shows off his hair cut.

Sirius was nervous. Sirius hadn’t felt nervous in a long time. James had met Remus. They were already friends. James even knew that they were soulmates. Something felt different about this though. Remus and his fresh haircut were enjoying the early summer breeze.

Sirius had never seen him look so free. His face wasn’t smiling per se but is was soft. His eyes were closed, and his head tilted back. Sirius wondered if he had put that feeling on his face. If he hadn’t Sirius needed to know immediately what had. He didn’t want to disturb the peace. For now, he would let him be.

-

Remus leaned out the window. Summer was here and the air was bright. Summer reminded him of freedom and warmth. His hair probably looked nice now. It might look nice in a mirror. Remus took a quick glance into the passenger sideview mirror.

What he saw surprised him. Usually his face was tense when he looked at himself, now his face was soft. He almost looked happy. His hair looked less crazy too. The wind was giving him the crazy appearance. He wondered for a moment why he looked content. Did he always look this content?

He realized that he hadn’t even focused on the scars. His scars looked thinner than they felt under his fingers. Maybe it was healing that was occurring. Maybe it was the unexpected soulmate who was hot, caring, and absolutely perfect.

Remus wanted a life with him. He hoped that Sirius wanted a life with him too.

-

James and Lily had quite a night. He enjoyed…exploring Lily last night. Lily had been a demanding lover and James had not minded one bit. James enjoyed catering. Most women James had been with here timid. While he sure didn’t mind showing them the finer things in live, he enjoyed her take over in the bedroom.

Sirius had left a note on the fridge that he had taken Lily’s keys and would be home later today. In all honest, James had forgotten the rest of the world. He was currently making curry for Lily. He was hoping to impress her with the one thing he knew he could make well. He tasted the rice. This batch would make his mother proud.

Lily and James started dinner. The two were just enjoying each other.

“You two lovers better be dressed, or I’ll have to pluck my eyes out.”

Sirius knew that James did not easily embarrass, but Lily turned bright red. She mouthed ‘ _Were we that loud?’_. James nodded and shoved another fork in his mouth.

Lily went to return her now empty bowl to the sink. “Is Remus with you? James was telling me about…” Lily’s sentence was punctuated with her bowl dropping on the floor. James looked up to make sure she was alright. She was just staring at Remus. James could tell that he had gotten his hair cut. Remus cleaned up nice. Lily looked between Sirius and Remus several times.

James felt like there was something he wasn’t understanding. “Did you get your haircut today Remus?”

Sirius puffed his chest a bit. “I did it actually. Told him how I used to do it in school all the time.”

“Is that true Remus? Did you let Sirius cut your hair?” James could tell Lily had a lump in her throat. Holding back tears somehow.

“I did. Did he mess it up? I didn’t think it looked to bad when I saw it in his sideview mirror.”

“You looked in a mirror?”

James was severely lost. Mirrors were an everyday item. Not looking in a mirror would take an enormous amount of effort.

“I did. I looked fine. I thought I did.”

Lily ran into Remus’ arms. “Absolutely, you do love. You’ll always be my handsome man. Your mom will want to see it as soon as she’s able to call.”

Remus smiled behind Lily’s shoulder. James felt like he was intruding on a moment. He didn’t want to disturb the two.

“I’ll have to tell her about my new boyfriend then.”

-

Lily was in shock. It seemed like so much had changed in 48 hours. She and James had connected on every level. Lily meant every…level… possible. She hadn’t felt confident in such a long time and it was just so natural with James. One this was for sure, James aimed to please.

Their day was full of bliss. James had even offered to cook. When Sirius had teased them from the other room on being too loud, Lily was embarrassed. When he came around the corner with Remus, Lily was shocked. Remus’ hair was short on the sides and blended out nicely to the longer top. His hair had never looked nice. Not that Lily cared. It was just something that he couldn’t handle.

-

_Flashback_

Remus had a date and was insisting on cutting his hair right before. He wanted to make the best impression. Lily knew that Remus had a problem with scissors. Neither of them liked to think about why Remus was so tense over a simple haircut. With every snip Remus flinched. After ten minutes of struggling Remus was rocking and shaking, but Remus insisted that she continue. Lily turned on the buzzer to make it go a little faster. She thought it would make him feel better. It did not. He slapped the buzzer when it got close to his ear. Unfortunately, it caused the guard to fall off and there was a large bald spot that extenuated the choppy hair cut he had.

_End Flashback_

-

“Did you get your haircut today Remus?” James asked.

Sirius had a look of pride on his face. “I did it actually. Told him how I used to do it in school all the time.” No wonder Sirius looked prideful. He had read the book. He knew what created those scars. He knew how Remus lost his ear. She was sure that it was a big deal for Remus to let Sirius do that.

“Is that true Remus? Did you let Sirius cut your hair?” She wanted to cry. Had something changed between the two of them? She thought that Remus would never heal. It had been so slow going over the last five years.

At her tone, Remus looked scared. “I did. Did he mess it up? I didn’t think it looked to bad when I saw it in his sideview mirror.”

“You looked in a mirror?” Did the whole world change in the last day? Remus had not willingly reflected on himself in years. For heavens sake, he had his bathroom mirror covered.

Remus could tell that Lily knew the importance of that for him. “I did. I looked fine. I thought I did.”

Lily ran into Remus’ arms. She wanted to include Sirius in this hug. That man had healed Remus somehow. Remus was learning to see what every other friend saw in him. “Absolutely, you do love. You’ll always be my handsome man. Your mom will want to see it as soon as she’s able to call.”

“I’ll have to tell her about my new boyfriend then.”

They had made it official. The whole world was looking brighter. Lily was starting to think that this was the new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your comments I love them! What would you want to see next. I have Wallaburg and Orion interactions coming up soon!


	36. About Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus talk about meeting each other's family.

Sirius was very much enjoying eating curry with his brother, **boyfriend¸** and brother’s girlfriend. It felt surreal. For the first time in a long time, Sirius saw it as _his_ family. A felling that he had shoved deep down was bubbling to the surface. **_He had another brother that he wasn’t even bothering to look for._** Sirius had tried not to think about it anymore. He had done a lot of work searching when he could afford Crouch on his own. It never resulted in much, it seemed as though Regulus had been taken from the sky never to return. He had hoped that Regulus would reach out to him. His personal assistant was told to carefully sort through any contact that he received for the possibility of it being Regulus.

The Blacks might know. They were always keen to spy and manipulated. He might even be with them. Sirius had considered going back just to see if either had been the case. It was hard because he had no contact with extended family other than Andromeda. With her ‘living in sin’ with her atheist husband, he doubted they got a Christmas card from any of the Black’s. He loved Andromeda and she was due to get married soon. It was a bit of a ‘shotgun’ wedding as she would be eight months pregnant at the ceremony, but they were only doing a ceremony for legal reasons. Not wanting to have any problems for their child if something happened to them. Sirius had a smile plastered to his face when he remembered that Remus would be coming as his plus one. Remus and he would be going as a couple. He’d have to make sure that Remus was available though. Sirius mentally noted to ask later.

“When is the court date for Severus?” Sirius asked James.

James scanned over his phone calendar. “’Bout a month away. Why?”

“Andromeda is getting married to Ted. I know they’re around the same time. Wanted to make sure it didn’t conflict.”

“They moved Severus’ hearing up. They’re sure it’s a pretty open and closed case.” Lily tried to put on a brave face, but the whole group was worried that he wouldn’t get the sentence he deserved. James and Sirius had both offered Lily the best legal counsel to work against him. It was nonnegotiable. Sirius had also made it clear to Lily that she wouldn’t need to pay them back. Sirius needed this as a catharsis himself. He would never be able to make his parents pay for what they did, but he could ensure that other people who were deserving, got what was coming to them.

-

“Andromeda is your cousin, right?” Remus was trying to bring up the courage to ask if Sirius was planning on taking him, even though at the time of reservation, they weren’t official. This was one thing he hated about being together. Remus was always so nervous and vulnerable.

“She is. The only good one in the family too. The whole lot of those crazy purists who think that their religion is above all else. Andromeda wasn’t beaten from what I know, but that didn’t stop them from messing with her psyche. Her sister Bellatrix is practically brain washed the other way. Would die for any of their beliefs, maybe even kill.”

“Will they be coming to the wedding?”

“I wouldn’t be going if they were.”

Remus took a deep breath. Here was his opening. “Will I be going?”

Sirius paused for the briefest of moments but after a moment continued to paint his most recent idea. Remus sat editing his dissertation paper for school. Graduation would be a bitter-sweet release from this final assignment. He was on track to finish his maters dissertation in December.

“Do you have other plans?” Sirius inquired.

“I was just wondering if you…we were going as a…we.”

“Why wouldn’t we go as…a we?”

Remus was confused. It was a reasonable question. There would be family pictures and meeting Sirius’ cousin. It would be an official step. Something that Sirius wouldn’t be able to take back.

“I just thought, since you hadn’t said anything, you might not want me to be there”

Sirius placed his brush down on the pallet. “I thought it went unsaid.”

Remus thought about it. He was wondering what was getting at him if Sirius was so eager to take him to the wedding. It took a moment for Remus to find the root cause. After a moment, he realized. Sirius hadn’t taken him to meet any other family. Remus knew that he would never meet his blood relatives, but his parents, the Potters, Remus didn’t know how to ask to meet them. He didn’t know if Sirius _wanted_ him to meet them until they were sure of where things would go.

“I haven’t met any other family of yours.” Remus felt stupid saying out loud. Like a whiny baby or a clingy lover.

“I didn’t think you’d want to meet the Blacks. I hate them.”

“I meant…” Remus didn’t want to go down this hole. He was only going to get Sirius to admit out loud that he wasn’t ready for Remus to meet the Potters. “Listen Sirius. We can always talk about this later.”

Sirius went back to painting though Remus could see Sirius looked at him from the corner of his eye. His brow was furrowed in thought. Remus didn’t like that. He enjoyed the face Sirius made when painting. He equated it to the look he saw in his reflection just that day on their drive. Content. Now, Sirius had a look of deep thought. There was nothing but anxiety that Sirius would connect the dots on what Remus was thinking. He could tell the moment Sirius figured it out. Sirius rubbed his face getting paint in streaks on his face.

“Is this about the Potters?”

“I was just wondering if they even know about me.”

“Would you freak out if I told you they knew I met my soulmate? That I’ve shown them pictures and talked about you?”

Remus would. He had no idea what they thought of him. Remus tried to play it off. “Of course not.”

Sirius saw right through that bull. “Even though we’ve labeled things, I am more than happy to take things slow. We’re still learning to tread water. When you want to meet them, they are so excited to meet you.”

“They are?”

“Is your mom not excited to meet me?”

Remus flushed in shame. He hadn’t told his mom yet. He was worried that Sirius would leave, and he’d have to face her and tell her he had run off another one. “She doesn’t know yet.”

“Can I ask why?”

Remus curled into the chair trying to make himself as small as possible. “I didn’t know if you’d stick around. I didn’t want her to get her hopes up.”

Sirius went back to painting with a pondering face. He sighed in resignation. “When you’re ready, I’ll try to be ready too. Just know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Remus couldn’t help but think, **_We’ll see about that._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm loving all the comments and enjoying every new bookmark and kudo :) Thank you for reading. I have more chapters coming out this weeked. I decided against adding more mature material directly into this story. Ill look at adding them as one shots and connect them in a collection to this story. Just so people who enjoy not having that in their stories can still enjoy this one.


	37. Court Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus had his day in court. He reveals some information to James.
> 
> Warning talks of Remus backstory and miscarriage. I have extensive experience with infertility.

Lily stood outside of the courtroom. She hoped she looked brave and confident. “You’ll be out here the whole time?” She looked to Remus who had taken a seat on the nearest bench to their assigned room.

“I’ll be right here. Sirius said he’ll be in there for me. He’ll be there for you the whole time.” Remus comforted her. While she wanted all the support she could get while she testified, Remus couldn’t go in the courtroom without going back to testifying against **him**. Lily had been there when Remus testified.

-WARNING REMUS BACKSTORY GRAPHIC FLASHBACK-

_Flashback_

Remus sat on the stand testifying against Fenrir Greyback. The opposing party had taken to questioning. For some reason, the questioning had been leading in a direction implying that Remus had been with Fenrir willingly. Remus was on the stand holding it together as well as he could. When the lawyer implied that Remus had hurt himself and framed Greyback, Remus lost it. He was desperate in his pleas for the attorney to understand that hadn’t happened. It got bad enough the judge refused the line of questioning to go any further.

Fenrir had been committed to a high security prison for life. When more information later came out that Remus wasn’t the first child that had been hurt by Fenrir, he was sentenced to death by injection. Remus refused to step in the prison or the courthouse. He claimed that he didn’t want to be within any radius of that evil ever again.

_End Flashback_

_­_ -END FLASHBACK-

The fact that Remus was even in the courthouse was a big deal to him. “James will be there too. Lily I really wish I could. I need to let you focus on you.”

“I understand.”

There court case was called in session. An hour later, after evidence was presented and testimonies were shared, the court was called to recess. Severus approached her. He was cuffed at his hands and feet, but he still terrified her.

“Hello Lily.”

“Severus.”

He grinned and her, but all she could see was a snake in the grass. “James seems very taken with you. Does he know about your dark demons, or are you keeping those hidden?”

Before she could answer James had worked through the crowd that was leaving. “Don’t say another word to her.” With that she walked out with James arm in arm. She couldn’t help but replay all the things in her life she wanted to keep away from James. All the dark skeletons she had in her closet.

“James will you love me even when you find out more about me?”

James turned to her and took her face in his hands. “What have I said to you every time I’ve told you every time you’ve questioned me?”

Lily smiled. “Regrets and all.”

“Miss Evens. I will love you regrets and all.”

“James, I have something to tell you.”

She was interrupted by James hand on her lips. “Wait until he’s gone and away. I don’t want you to feel obligated to tell me anything because of something he said to you.”

-

The judge awards Lily the permanent restraining order, but instead of jail time, he is only sentence to parole and community service. James is ticked and Sirius is disappointed. All Lily really wanted was the retaining order and domestic violence shown on public records. Sirius won’t be allowed to interact or knowingly be within fifty miles of Lily. It was a relief.

Severus right before he was escorted out of the building stopped and spoke with James. Lily couldn’t hear what was said. All she saw was the look on James face harden and Sirius motion for him to leave.

-

James was livid that the little slime ball got off so easily. Sirius understood that one couldn’t be sent away forever for domestic abuse, especially a first-time charge, but had hoped that Severus was hit by a bus before it even came to a trial.

Severus walked up to James. “I just wanted to warn you. That you’re not her first anything. You won’t even be the first one to give her a child. Trust me. She’s not as sweet as you’d think.”

Sirius placed his hand on James shoulder. Surely understanding that James was about to beat him senseless again. “You need to leave Severus. At least fifty miles away from here as soon as possible.”

-WARNING TW: TALKING ABOUT MISCARRIAGE-

Sirius had taken Remus home separate leaving James to drive just him and Lily. James knew that Lily had a life before him. I mean James had plenty of exes that could spill dirt on him, but was Severus said, he had to know if it was true.

“Severus said something to me.”

Lily nodded her head. “I saw. What did he say?”

“He said something about you having a child or something before me.” Everything went fuzzy to James when she didn’t automatically deny it. “Is it true?”

“James…”

“Where are they? What happened to them?”

“What do you think happened? What did Severus say?”

James was too anxious to play this game. “Just tell me Lily. This is important.”

“Have you ever heard of an ectopic pregnancy?”

No. He had not. He went for shaking his head instead of a verbal answer.

“It’s when the pregnancy develops where its not meant to. It was dangerous to keep it. It wasn’t going to be safe for me or the baby. I went to an appointment to check up on them and there wasn’t a heartbeat.” Her eyes were full, and she had pulled her knees up to her chest. James wanted to pull the car over and hold her. They would be able to do that at home in the comfort of their bed if he kept driving.

James knew it shouldn’t matter, but he wanted to know. “Whose was it?”

“It’s why I left Severus. He got too angry when I came back from the appointment. He thought that I had done it on purpose.” She was weeping. “James you have to understand it wasn’t my fault. It was already gone.”

James was heart broken for Lily. He also wanted to punch Severus. James didn’t think he would ever **_not_** want to punch him in the face. “What does that mean for us?”

“I’m confused. What do you mean?” Lily was tried to dry her tears on the sweater she had borrowed from him.

“Will this affect any kids we might have?”

This made Lily’s tears start again. “You’d want to still have kids with me?”

James saw his mistake. She thought that this was a breaking point for them. He saw it as being open and learning about one another. “I will always love you regrets and all. I understand that things happen. I want to know everything about you. It worried me that if left alone with my thoughts I would spiral.”

Lily twisted her hands with the hoodie. “There’s a high possibility that it could happen again. I might not ever be able to give you children.”

That hit James. He wanted to be a father. The same type of father he had. “Can we put a pin in that? I don’t know if I’m ready for that conversation.”

There was a sob that came out of Lily. “Will you leave me when that happens?”

“No.” James knew that he wouldn’t leave Lily over anything. He didn’t know how to come to terms with this information right now. “Right now, I just want to go home and make you soup. Does that sound good to you?”

“Everything sounds good to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad fluff this chapter, but there is some drama/cutesy/cotton candy coming up.
> 
> Comment and like! It's very much appreciated.


	38. Remus' New Piercing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets a new piercing.

Sirius had decided to take Remus out on a date. A real date, just the two of them. He decided on an ice-cream parlor. He had noticed Remus’ sweet tooth and penchant for chocolate.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you Remus. Something that would surprise me.”

Remus pondered into his ice-cream. Sirius knew the second he had it, because Remus tried and failed to keep his face neutral.

“I pierced my ear in middle school. My father took me down to the tattoo and piercing parlor. He thought I would chicken out, which I did after the first one.”

Sirius was shocked. “Bad boy Lupin with his sweater vests and earring. Were you a hoop or stud kind of guy?”

Remus blushed deeply. “It was a silver hoop. Just a small one that went just around my earlobe. Not like Lily wears with her formal wear.”

“Would you pierce your ear again?”

Remus laughed a bit. Sirius was relieved at the sound. He was worried poking around this category. “I don’t have much to pierce anymore. I would if I could.”

Sirius had an idea. An idea to give Remus that little bit of himself that was taken. He really hoped that Remus would go for it. “Have you ever heard of an industrial piercing?”

-

Sirius showed Remus a few pictures of what he was thinking, and Remus was in love.

“Do you think that there’s a parlor open?”

Sirius broke into a boyish ‘cat that ate the canary’ grin. “I’m sure that I could find one.”

The took the car down to main street, where Sirius led him into the shop he says he got his rook piercing and a tattoo he promised to show Remus one day. Remus looked over their selection of in stock piercings. There was a lightning bolt shape one that caught his eye.

“Will you hold my hand?” Sirius grabbed his hand and kissed it lightly. Like a prince charming would.

“Would you want me to talk to you?” Remus just nodded. “I’d love to paint you next if that’s ok. I just finished the one for Andromeda.” Remus could feel the rubbing alcohol and his brain threatened to send him back to the basement. Send him into a spiraling panic attack, but Sirius’ voice kept him there. “I was going to offer to paint Lily too. One for James for Christmas. Do you think she’d go for that?”

Before Remus could answer the question there was a quick sharp pain. “All done.” The employee held up a mirror towards his ear. “Do you like it?”

“I love it. Sirius how do you think it looks.”

Sirius was looking at him oddly. It was like Sirius’ mind was completely somewhere else. “I think it looks great.”

“I’m glad.” Remus kept rubbing the shell of his ear. “My mom is going to freak out when she sees this.”

-

“What the hell is that Remus?” Remus came walking into the apartment nonchalant, with a dazed look, and what looked like an earring.

He tried to look innocent. “What is what?”

“That piece of metal sticking out of your ear!”

Remus looked entirely carefree as he threw his head back. “Lily don’t act like a mom. I went to a shop with Sirius.”

Lily thought a bit of teasing was in order. “Wanted to impress your bad boy boyfriend?”

“I told him about my piercing before. He showed me this type and I don’t know...it just happened.”

Remus had it bad. Sirius had broken through Remus’ carefully constructed shell in just a few months. Remus dropped his head to hide this smile. He continued on to his room without another word.

“Well. Goodnight lover boy.”

“Goodnight my flower.”

Lily went back to her tv show. She couldn’t wait to see what Sirius pulled out of Remus next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts :)


	39. Wedding Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An article is published in a tabloid about Remus and Sirius being in a relationship. Sirius and Remus talk marriage on the eve of Andromeda's wedding.

**_DOES SIRIUS BLACK HAVE A NEW BEAU?_ **

_Seen out together Tuesday night getting dessert and later photographed entering and exiting a parlor together. The identity of this person has been confirmed by sources as REMUS LUPIN, an author with a tragic past. Playboy Black is off the market, but will it really last that long?_

-

The article continued to theorize about why Sirius was with him. Remus didn’t think that his life was so exciting to explore, but this tabloid obviously thought it was interesting enough. He couldn’t get the phrase _‘Will it really last’_ out of his mind. He really hoped so. Remus saw them getting married and starting a family. He hadn’t talked to Sirius about marriage or kids. He had held onto that vision of him and Sirius with a little boy.

The visions that lead them together were sparse but would still happen. When Remus was particularly missing Sirius, he would see a flash of past memories of Sirius. Most were light and lovely memories of Sirius playing a prank with James, enjoying the summer sun, or serving detention in school. Remus was concerned when on occasion he would see Sirius with large bruises on his hands, hiding in a dark space, or at a cold dark dinner table across from two severe adults.

On very rare occasions Remus would see what he thought was a future possibility vision. He would see him and Sirius doing things that they hadn’t done before. Most were just small acts of PDA, but Remus was certain he’d remember if they had already happened. They were always vague and seemed to be written in sand instead of carved into stone like the others.

The apartment was empty except Remus again today. Lily was sick with the flu and had gone to the doctor. James had said not to worry and that he would take care of her at his house as to not get Remus sick.

Text Chat: Sirius

**Remus**

Are you free to come over this afternoon?

**Sirius**

I am in a few hours. Finishing up some paperwork for James since he left early to take Lily.

**Remus**

Did you see the tabloid that wrote an article on us?

**Sirius**

All a bunch of garbage.

Except the part where they said I’m with you for your good looks, that part was true. *winking emoji*

**Remus**

I think they meant that I was with you for your looks. *rolling eye emoji*

**Sirius**

Well is it true?

**Remus**

I think that tabloids are trash. Even as someone interested in publishing, I would never stoop so low as a tabloid publishing job.

**Sirius**

*pouty face emoji* You were supposed to say I was so handsome and that’s why you’re with me.

**Remus**

I know you know that you have attractive facial features and nice hair. Why do I need to tell you that you’re handsome?

**Sirius**

Because I like to hear it.

**Remus**

Well since you demanded so nicely…

I think you’re handsome.

**Sirius**

That’s it. I _have_ to come over right now so I can kiss you.

OMW *kiss face emoji*

-

Sirius arrived around ten minutes later with wine. “I brought the best stuff I could find. James was hiding it in his office.”

Remus was confused. The group had gone out for drinks, but Remus didn’t drink. He was always the designated driver because of this. “Sirius, you know I don’t drink.”

“I thought you were just always cool to play dd.”

“I don’t like the altered state it puts me in.”

Sirius seemed to comprehend and put the bottle aside. “That is totally fine.” It was a bit awkward between them. Remus hoped this wouldn’t be a big deal that he wouldn’t drink even with Sirius in private. “Does that mean I can’t drink either?” Sirius asked.

“Just don’t push me to do it with you.”

Sirius grinned and popped the bottle. “I guess I get the whole bottle to myself.”

“You have a wedding to attend and tomorrow. I wouldn’t drink too much.”

Sirius groaned and closed the bottle back up. “I guess we will just have to fill our time another way.”

“I was working on some manuscripts. Would you like to read as well?”

Sirius groaned “I hate reading.”

Remus had to laugh. Naturally ‘too cool for school’ didn’t like reading. “Well isn’t it ironic that you’re marrying a writer.” Sirius froze. Remus couldn’t believe those words had actually come out of his mouth. “I didn’t mean anytime soon.”

Sirius cleared his throat. “I just think you should know I don’t really believe in marriage.”

That confused Remus. “You don’t believe in it like people don’t believe in the tooth fairy?”

“I don’t believe it makes a difference in a relationship.” Sirius shifted and Remus could tell he was about to reveal something personal. Remus needed to brace himself to be understanding, even if his feelings were hurt right now. “My parents were married and did it ‘the right way’. It didn’t mean my house wasn’t a hell hole.”

“Our kids wouldn’t have that type of house though.”

Sirius laughed. “It’s a good thing that we’ll never have kids to find out.”

This was breaking his heart. Remus had wanted to live a normal life for so long. He was starting to see building a family as a real possibility and Sirius was tearing it down with one conversation. “Not even adopting, or surrogacy?”

“No.” Sirius had a sharp bite to his tone now. “Just drop it please.”

“How about we just wade in the water where we are and work on it?”

Sirius’ face was still dark and brooding. He obviously didn’t want to relent on his position. There was a fight behind his eyes and in his soul. Eventually, he agreed. The night went on as normal. They watched a movie and enjoyed some food, but Remus couldn’t help but feel the tension from their conversation linger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend. More chapters to come. Comment your favorite parts and what you'd like to see more of.


	40. Andromeda's Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andromeda gets married and family shows up to the reception. TW: Religious Trauma.
> 
> The black's instead of being blood purists, they are in a religious cult of sorts.

The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t religious in the slightest, which Remus understood. Remus imagined if Sirius ever did get married, he would want something similar. Ted and Andromeda’s wedding was roughly twenty-five people, all of them from Ted’s side of the family. Sirius was in a deep conversation with Ted’s father. They were talking about Mr. Tonks’ most recent motorcycle purchase.

Lunch was being served for their reception when a group of people came into the private venue. The entire group was dressed like they had stepped out of a historical Victorian magazine. They looked entirely unhappy to be coming to a wedding. One woman with platinum blonde hair was frantically searching the crowd while the others simply stood in the doorway. In that moment, Remus was reminded of vampires waiting to be let in. Once the most eager woman found what she was looking for she broke from the crowd of people.

Remus watched as she shuffled to Andromeda who lit up, until she saw the additional people with her.

“Sirius, do you know the people that just arrived?”

Sirius broke from the conversation to examine who Remus was talking about. In the moment of recognition for Sirius, Remus realized why they looked so familiar. The Black family bone structure. Their sharp cheekbones and hard-set jaw when they frowned. **_This was Sirius’ family._**

Sirius jumped up from the table with a quick apology before standing at Andromeda’s back. Remus wanted to go with him but knew that it was best to wait and watch for when Sirius really needed him.

-

Sirius walked up to hear Narcissa profusely apologizing. “They saw the invitation you sent before I could tear it up. I was going to come on my own, I promise. They just saw it as well. Andy, you know what their like. I didn’t know what to do. We haven’t been in contact for so long. I didn’t have a number or anything.”

Druella and Cygnus were hard set in ‘the belief’. If they thought they needed to come to this wedding to ruin it or condemn Andromeda to hell, they were going to. Andromeda was trying to comfort her sister, but Narcissa was trying to keep up appearances to her parents still. Narcissa had always wanted to leave according to Andromeda, but never had the courage to abandon the only life she had ever lived.

“Good day Andromeda. We heard of your commitment to your sins and are here to give you our officially statement of disownment.” Cygnus spoke as if he wasn’t about to remove his daughter from his family in his mind.

Andromeda wasn’t taking it. “I’m no longer a Black. I chose not to be anymore. You can try to disown me all you want. It was my choice first to break off from you.”

“Whatever your perception might be, I am here to inform you that you have been removed from the will and the family tree. No longer will you bear the blessings of a Black.”

“Fantastic. Now leave. You weren’t invited.”

Bellatrix stepped in and right in Andromeda’s face. “How dare you take the Black name so lightly. How dare you step away from the pure way. Mother and Father will enjoy passing off their name to the worthy of us.”

Sirius had had too much of this. “Bellatrix, you need to leave along with your parents.”

“Dirt of the ground has no right to command the waves of the ocean.” Bellatrix built an air of superiority.

“I’ll have security escort you out.”

“Regulus was much better suited to be heir.”

With the mention of Regulus, Sirius felt the need to stop trying to push them out and get the answers he had been searching for. “Have you heard from him?”

Bellatrix smirked. “Have you not asked your broken-hearted mother? If you were to endure the cleansing, you would be welcomed back. You have yet to reach a point of no return.”

“Has Regulus returned or not?”

Cygnus interrupted. “Bellatrix, our duty has been completed. We are to not stay in the presence of sin any long. We are to try and remain pure from their influence.”

Sirius was defeated he didn’t want to go back to his home just to get information that might not be there. He was worried he wouldn’t leave alive. His cousin, aunt, and uncle turned to leave. Andromeda whispered to Narcissa. “Anytime. I’m here.” She discreetly slipped her a paper. Narcissa nodded stiffly before turning to Sirius. “Do not return. Regulus has been lost long ago. Even with attempts to find him, Walburga has not been successful. Heed my warning and do not return.”

Sirius took a relieved breath. Regulus hadn’t gone back or been caught. When the family left, Remus slowly approached him. Sirius had tried to keep his strong persona on while his family was there. He didn’t want to give them one scrap of weakness, but in the arms of his soulmate he broke. He started to sob. Everything felt otherworldly. He was no longer in his own body. The noises coming from him sounded echoed in his ears. He could hardly hear Remus talking to him. The air started to get to thin for Sirius to breath. He kept attempting to take control of his body. His lungs were no longer working, and his eyes were unfocused. Sirius could no longer control himself. He had retreated far into himself and something else had taken control of him.

-

“You need to stay with me. Steady your breathing.” Sirius was not listening to him. His breathing remained irregular and eyes were glossed over. Sirius passed out in Remus’ arms.

The paramedics were quick to come and as they were putting Sirius in the back of the car, Remus went to Andromeda. “I apologize for anything taking away from your day. I hope that I am able to see you more in the future.”

Andromeda’s eyes were welling. “Just send me a message when he’s feeling better.”

“The paramedics said that his breathing regulated. We’ll head to his penthouse and when he wakes, I’ll make sure to let you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Jily coming up. I love feedback. If you have any leave it in the comments!


	41. Not the Flu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crazy fluff. Lily is sick...or is she?

James was filling out paperwork for Lily. She was too dizzy to focus. “Do you have a middle name?”

“Jacqueline.”

Her head was between her knees. James wished he could help. “Mine is Fleamont, after my father.”

Lily hummed almost like she was asleep. “What is your health insurance?”

“I don’t have any James.”

“Doesn’t your work offer it?”

“James. I’m only part time and working off a bit of debt.”

This was unacceptable. “You could get on mine if you’d like.”

Lily laughed from her hunched position. James didn’t know what she thought was so funny. “We’d have to be married or I have to work for you. I’m not going to work for you and I don’t think the other is happening any time soon.”

“Why not?” James was slightly offended. Lily knew how much he valued their soulmate connection. He had been planning on getting a ring soon. While her dad was no longer alive, he wanted to promise Remus his devotion to Lily. It had been a Potter tradition, that instead of asking for their bride’s hand, they convinced the father of their devotion to their bride. It came from their European knight heritage. He had it all planned out. Why did she think it would be so far out.

“What are you going to propose to me right here?”

James was going to do just that. He got up and knelt in front of Lily. At this movement, Lily sat up straight.

“Lily Jacqueline Evens, would you allow me to be bound to you in marriage for the rest of forever?”

Lily lit up. “I will always love you, regrets and all.”

“Is that a yes?”

Lily giggled and her cheeks were flush. James would never forget this moment. “Yes. Forever it will be then.”

James went to kiss her, but Lily turned her head. “I still have the flu. I wouldn’t want to get you sick.”

“I’ll risk it.”

-

They had taken some blood and run some tests and the doctor still hadn’t been in to visit Lily. James was nervous that is was something bad. Doctors usually took a while to analyze notes if it was bad, right?

“Hello Miss Evens. My name is Doctor Abbott.” The physician noted James presence. “Would you like your results in private. There are a few things to discuss.”

“This is actually my fiancé.”

That sent chills down James spine. Lily had said yes. She had told the doctor. She hadn’t been making a joke when she said yes.

“Then let’s continue. The results indicate you might be pregnant. Is this a conversation you would like to continue with company present.”

Before Lily could even answer James spouted out. “I’d like to stay.” Still the doctor waited for Lily to nod in confirmation.

“You noted an ectopic pregnancy previously, so we’re going to do an ultrasound right now if that’s ok.”

The doctor set everything up and started to rub this wand over her stomach. James felt nothing but jitters. **_Was this really happening?_** He felt like life just handed him everything on a silver platter in the last hour. The doctor seemed to find exactly what they were looking for. “It looks like I found them. Their also right when they are supposed to be, so mom, there is no worries about placement. I’m not able to turn this machine very well for you to see, but would dad like to come over.”

There was a pause. It hit James like a freight train. He was dad. The doctor was inviting him to see his kids. He walked over to the machine. There seemed to just be a bunch of static on the screen. **_Did the doctor expect him to make something of this?_** After a moment, Doctor Abbott pointed to one of the darker spots. “This one is baby one.” She drew a red circle around it. She moved to the second dark spot. “This is baby two.”

Lily sat up causing the image to disappear. “Two? There can’t be two.”

“It can be a little shocking at first, but you’ll have time to prepare. Looks to be about six weeks along.”

James knew what that meant. He had gotten Lily pregnant the first night that they were together. James thought he had been careful, but those two dark spots on the screen were showing him otherwise. If he couldn’t even remember proper conception prevention, how was he supposed to raise two kids. He removed his glasses and rubbed his face.

“Are you still ok?” Lily had an icepack to help with her fever blocker her expression. James knew that she was hiding on purpose. She was a bit blurry without his glasses.

“Lily all of my dreams have come true. Are you feeling ok? Goodness, Lily you’re pregnant. You are not to lift a finger for the next year.” He turned to the doctor. “Wait, how long is pregnancy?”

“It will be about another eight months for you two. I’ll set you up with some vitamins and appointments. You two can clean up and talk while we put that together.” The doctor left leaving the two alone.

“Is this a good thing Lily? Are you happy about this?”

Lily started to bawl. “James what if I love these ones too? What if something happens? It’s all so scary.”

“You want to do this? Do you want to do this with me?”

“James, I would only want to do this with you.”

“Then, the plan is to do everything we can to keep you safe and healthy. We’ll get married next week at my parents’ estate. We can invite everyone to brunch after. No wedding jitters or stress. We’ll find your dream home and move in. I’ll set up a nursery and you can tell me where to put everything and what color to choose.” James was cradling Lily into his chest. “This is going to work out.”

“Next week in the gardens at your parents’ estate? I feel like I’m living in a fairytale.”

“We will take these pictures and tell my parents and then Sirius and Remus tomorrow.”

-

That night Lily met his parents in an official capacity. They had talked over the phone and chatted a bit. James told his parents of his proposal and their expected twins. His mother was over the moon and his father took him aside after dinner. He gave him an expectant father talk. Told him about fatherhood, they drank whiskey, and James felt the pride his father wore for him.

He couldn’t wait to tell Sirius tomorrow. His brother would be the next to know. The hopeful godfather of Lily and his child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love your comments. Appreciate all the kudos and all the love in general. :) So happy. Enjoy the weekend. More to come. Writing the next section right after this post.


	42. Celebrating Great News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius disowns himself. James and Lily tell Sirius and Remus. James explains some misunderstandings from their youth to Sirius.

Sirius woke up shortly after Remus got him home. The paramedics said it was shock. Sirius was fine with a bit of water and a nap. Sirius rubbed his face into his chest and groaned.

“Good afternoon. Did you rest well?” The responses were still just mumbling and groans. “Lily said she and James wanted us to meet them at the apartment. James called on your phone. He and Lily were up with the Potters last night.”

“I promise to take you there next week.”

Remus kept running his hands through Sirius’ hair. “Take your time. Whenever you’re ready.”

Sirius nodded. “In the cult my parents live in, there’s an official disownment statement. It means that you are no longer attached to them in any sense. Andromeda got hers yesterday even though she has been gone for years.” Sirius hid further in Remus’ shoulder. “I never got that.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I feel like I am unwillingly connected to them. I feel like I want to go back just to get that closure.”

“Could I say it?”

Sirius looked confused. “Why would you say it?”

Remus stroked Sirius’ cheek. “You might just need to hear it out loud. Or you could disown yourself.”

Sirius thought about it for a long time. “You wouldn’t find that weird?”

Remus agreed nonverbally. He couldn’t predict how it would go. Cults had some odd rituals that might seem odd, but if they help Sirius that’s all that mattered. “Tell me about it. You may not believe it but tell me what the process is.”

“When a child has gone beyond _cleansing_ , they are given a disownment statement. You are told that you are taken from the will, family tree, and revoked the blessing of the house. Which is bull because there isn’t anything good coming from that house.”

“What is the cleansing?”

Sirius went dead in the eyes. Remus had over stepped. He sat silently waiting for Sirius to continue or move to another subject. “The cleansing is a ritual full of nothing but pain. A sinner who wishes to be forgiven is given a punishment of the group’s choice. Some walk on coals, some are starved. When I dared to disobey and questioned my parents’ decisions for me, my mother pinned my hand to the table with a knife and I had to take it out myself. It wasn’t voluntary at all, but they thought it needed done.”

Remus felt bile rise. He wanted to take away the left-over pain in whatever way he could. “Do you want to say it or should I?”

“I want to do it. It is my choice to leave.” Sirius was set. Determination showed all through his body. He stood up and straightened his outfit. There was a settling in his soul. He looked at Remus. “I remove myself from the will and the family tree. I no longer wish to bear the blessings of the Blacks.” The ritual seemed formal and heartless. As soon as the words left him, Sirius broke down in another round of tears. “Remus, has it always been that simple? To feel removed from them?”

“I think you’ve gotten there with time. You are in charge of your destiny. You are not tied to them.”

Sirius smiled through the tears. “Not anymore. Officially I am not tied to them anymore.”

“Are you ready to meet James and Lily or should we reschedule?”

“I’m ready to go hang out with my brother and his girlfriend. Next week I’ll take you to meet my parents with James. It’s unfair he took Lily without me.” Sirius’ whole demeanor changed on a dime. He was the relaxed and carefree boyfriend Remus knew. If anything _was_ different, he seemed to be carrying less on his shoulders.

-

“So how did meeting mom and dad go?”

“It went really well. In fact, we have some big news to share.” James informed him. Sirius was on edge. James had informed Sirius of the plan to propose to Lily soon, but he would have thought that he would have waited a bit longer. Maybe he had gone ring shopping without Sirius. His stomach dropped at that a bit. **_No. James is my brother whether or not we go ring shopping together._**

Lily took Remus’ hands. “James asked me to marry him.”

Remus jumped up and almost grappled Lily to the ground. “I am ecstatic for you.”

“Remus we’re getting married next week at the Potter estate. I was wondering if you would walk me down the aisle.”

Emotion overcame Remus’ entire person. His voice was only above a whisper. “I would be honored beyond anything else.”

James hit Sirius on the shoulder. “You’ll be my best man of course, right?”

“If this is your idea of a proposal, I pity Lily and the mess you probably made of your proposal to her.” Sirius slammed his shoulder into James’.

“The waiting room of the doctor’s office was plenty romantic for me.”

Sirius couldn’t tell if Lily was serious. “Is that really where it happened? James, you didn’t...” Sirius whined. “I had to listen to you plan for hours about horses or air-balloons and you choose the doctors office while she was sick. Some romantic you turned out to be.”

Lily and James started to have that secret smile, like they knew something about that was funny he didn’t get yet. “What did you two do, huh? James you have on your mischief making face.”

After a glance between the two, James had Lily take lead. “The doctor was able to figure out what it was.”

Remus paled. “Lily it isn’t anything serious right? You aren’t getting married next week because you’re dying right?”

She quickly soothed Remus. “Nothing like that. We actually brought the results for you.” She handed Remus a scrap of paper. He examined it a few times. James handed him a similar piece. It looked like static on the screen with two red circles drawn. Both Sirius and Remus were intensely lost.

Remus got it before Sirius did. “Is this true?”

“Well that is my name and I was there for it.” The two friends laughed and hugged. They both looked over the picture with awe.

Sirius was frustrated to be the last one in the loop. “James what’s up with the broken tv picture.”

James stepped over his should from the chair Sirius now sat in. James pointed to a faint dot in the center of the red circle and then to the other. “Those are your nieces or nephews.” Sirius was thrown off. **_What did James mean by…_**

Sirius got it. “Your going to have a baby?” He pushed the chair over in the same grappling hug as Remus just gave.

“Yeah, we are.” Sirius looked at the photo. It was confirmation that his family was expanding. “Sirius, I know that you’re not into that religion stuff, but we want you to be the godfather, if you’re up for it.”

At that request, Sirius cracked. With facing his family and coming to terms with the revelation that he could disown himself from them, he had dissolved completely into tears. He grasped onto James like he was drowning. “I would love nothing more.” Both men were crying tears of joy. 

Sirius after a while was able to slow the flow to a soft streak down his face. “Does it also mean I get to come up with a name?”

The group laughed at the request. Lily hugged Sirius lightly after he had let go of James. “How about you can make a suggestion.”

“Deal.”

-

Lily was chatting with Remus about some of the ideas she had for the wedding. Remus didn’t look particularly interested in the details but seemed excited by her excitement. James was happy that she had him.

“Sirius how was the wedding? I’m sad I didn’t get to go, but glad Remus was able to meet Andromeda.”

Sirius looked melancholy at the question. “She sent an invitation to Narcissa, but the rest of the family showed up too.”

“They didn’t do anything to either of you guys right?”

Sirius shook his head. **_Good._** James would have had his lawyers called in a second to press full charges on whatever they had done.

“They officially disowned Andromeda. I spiraled a bit and went into shock after they left.” Sirius seemed to contemplate his next thought a little harder than most times. “I decided to get some closure and used their disowning ritual. I officially denounced them.” Sirius said the last bit with pride.

James knew very little of the cult that Sirius was brought up in. There wasn’t much on the internet and Sirius seldomly talked about it. He knew that they were official in all of their dealings and strict in their rules.

“Did you get that closure once you did that?” Sirius welled with tears. James didn’t mean to make him cry again. “It’s ok if you didn’t. You’re my brother no matter what.”

“I finally feel like the tie to them is gone.”

“That is wonderful.” Sirius rubbed his eyes. His face was swollen, and James felt bad for piling on this intense news on top of the day Sirius already had.

“Do you think your parents would be my parents too?”

It was such an unexpected question for James to hear. When Sirius had come to live with them, his parents in a heartbeat thought of Sirius as their son. There had never been a question in the Potter household that Sirius was one of them. With the lack of response Sirius continued.

“I know that it’s weird to adopt someone in their twenties, but I just have always wanted them to be my parents too.”

“They have always considered you theirs. Since the day you unpacked your bags, you were my brother and their son.” James didn’t know if the next facts would hurt or help Sirius, but he knew that the story needed to be told. “My parents tried to gain legal custody over you. Officially adopt you and all. The hospital had taken pictures of your injuries when they took you there the first night. You were a bit out of it, I don’t even know if you remember.” Sirius was shocked by the information. It all seemed new to him, so James continued. “They filed for custody of you, but you would have had to testify. The tried to petition the court to not have you testify, but it didn’t go through. Without that, all they could get were the emancipation letters for you. When you signed those, it protected your parents from coming back for you.”

“They weren’t trying to make me responsible for myself when they had me sign those?”

James heart broke at the misunderstanding. “No. They wanted the opposite actually. They didn’t say anything because they knew better than I at the time what you were processing.”

Sirius hung his head low. James was sure that if Sirius had tears left to cry, he would be. “They wanted me?”

“They still do Sirius.”

Sirius smiled. James saw for a moment the broken friend who had shown up on his porch with nothing more than a backpack, who had turned into a brother over time. Somewhere in Sirius, that little boy healed with the understanding that he was tied to his chosen family through love. He was intertwined with them and wanted by people who loved him, just for being him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these characters so much. <3 Comment if there's a character you want to see or hear more from.


	43. Meeting the Potters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius contemplates his relationship with Remus. Remus overhears a conversation.

Remus was sweating and it wasn’t because it was a hundred degrees outside. He was ‘meeting the parents’ which he had never done before. This was all new territory for him. James was driving and Sirius had claimed shotgun. He claimed that the front gave him the best light for sketching.

Lily laid on Remus’ shoulder and fell asleep about fifteen minutes into the drive. Remus laid his head back and attempted to nap. About an hour into the drive, he must have convinced the two up front that he was asleep as well because James and Sirius started talking.

“How’s it going with you and Remus?”

“It’s ok. Why?”

“Well. I’m getting married and having kids soon. I was wondering if you and Remus had talked about moving forward.”

“I think we’re just going to stay where we are.” Sirius’ voice had dropped the enthusiasm that it usually had.

James pressed him despite the tone change. “Forever?”

“What is so bad about where we are?”

“Lily and I are going to look for a townhome near the apartment. She wanted to be close to Remus still.” This was news to Remus. Though it was to be expected with everything going on. “We were going to stay at the loft until then. Do you think you’ll move in with Remus when Lily and I find something?”

Sirius’ pencil was still drawing heavy on the page filling the silence with the scratching. “Does he seem like he would want to find somewhere new?” Sirius asked James. Remus thought about what his answer would have been if Sirius had asked him instead. If they found another place that worked for them both, he would be willing to move. He would love nothing more than to wake up with Sirius each day, but Sirius seemed to like his own space.

“He seems completely in love with you.”

“Well, we haven’t said that to each other yet. I don’t know if we’re there.”

That hurt Remus to his core. He had done everything but said those words. He tried to show Sirius in everyway that he was in love with him. He wanted to open his eyes and shake him until he understood that Remus loved him with his whole soul.

“If you can’t see that man is in love with you, then you are dumber than I thought you were.”

Sirius scoffed. “I’m not dumb or blind or whatever.”

“Do you not want to say it first?” James was quiet.

“It’s not that I want him to say it first. I wasn’t loved for a long time James. Most people throw those words at each other like they are nothing. I want it to be a moment. It’s stupid, but I want it to be like the movies.”

James laughed, but Remus thought it was sweet. He would plan something worthy of Sirius. Something to make him feel special. He would get to ideas as soon as they arrived.

-

Euphemia and Fleamont were at the door waiting for them to arrive. They always did this and for the first time. They were always so excited when James visited. Sirius felt like it was for him too this time.

“My boys are home! Get over here and let me look at you Sirius. I haven’t seen you in so long.” Euphemia started straightening out his shirt and kissing his face. Sirius embraced her in a tightly. The woman who taught him about himself, how to treat a love interest, and supported his dreams in every way she could. This was his mom.

“I’m so happy to see you too.”

She smiled and glanced over his shoulder. Her voice was low as to keep the conversation between the two of them. “Is that him?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know it is.”

“He seems sweet. I can’t wait to get to know him.”

She went over and shook Remus’ hand and hugged Lily. She ushered them all in and the house smelled like roast beef with dinner being prepped. This was his family and he was bringing his boyfriend home to meet them. He was thrilled beyond belief. It seemed unreal.

Fleamont helped them grab their bags. “James your old room should be big enough for the two of you. Remus, we have a guest room made up for you. Sirius will be right across the hall and he knows where everything is if you get lost.

-

Remus pulled James aside after all the bags were unpacked. Sirius wanted to follow and ask what it was about, but Lily pulled him out the garden. “I was wondering if you had any opinions on where we should set the chairs up.”

“I have no idea. I’m not a wedding planner.” He was somewhere else. More specifically his mind was out by the late where Sirius saw James and Remus walking. James was pointing out something to him. “James tells me you guys are finding a townhouse.”

“We are.” Lily smiled at Sirius. That knowing smile that Sirius hated. “Remus tells me things too.”

“Is that what he’s talking to James about?”

“James is just showing him around the estate.” Lily was a horrible liar. Her face told him what he needed to know. James and Remus were talking about Sirius.

Sirius tried to bring himself back to the present moment. “I think you should have everyone face the estate.”

“That is a great plan.” Lily hooked her arm in Sirius’ “Now, I’m ready for some food as I am eating for three.”

-

Dinner was amazing. Remus was able to hold up under the pressure Sirius knew he felt. Fleamont asked him about his latest readings. They got caught up discussing the implications of some old novelist that was no longer alive. Euphemia talked to Remus about his new children’s book that he was sending out to publishers. Remus raved about Sirius’ artwork and Euphemia kept looking over and telling him how amazing the two of them looked together.

Soon the conversation shifted to the wedding. All of the details that were required to ensure that everything went smoothly. Flowers, ribbons, and all that. Honestly, Sirius tuned out.

-

Sirius was pulled aside by Fleamont before he could catch Remus on his way back to the rooms.

“James tells me you had a run in with the Blacks. Did you need to talk about it?”

Sirius was unsure. It had been a big deal, but he was moving past it. “I don’t think I do.”

Fleamont leaned against the front of his desk. Sirius was worried. “Is there something else that I’ve done?”

There was just a smile on his father-figure’s face. “I’m always worried for you.”

“Anything in particular? I don’t really have anything else going on.”

Fleamont blew out his breath. “I worry that with all the changes happening with James, you might feel lost in the shuffle. I wanted to make sure that you knew, I am still looking out for you.”

Sirius _had_ felt that way. While there were feelings of excitement for his brother, he was concerned that James would forget him. “What if James moves out and we’re no longer brothers?”

There was serious pondering. Fleamont studied Sirius with his eyes. “If Regulus walked in this room after the ten or so years you’ve been apart, would you still call him your brother?”

There was no hesitation. “Yes, I would.”

“You and James have lived in the same house since you were teens. I want you to know that an address doesn’t make a family. I think you know that to some degree already.” Sirius didn’t know what else to say. He smiled and turned to leave when Fleamont clasped his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. “You are my son. I will always love you. Whatever you need, I will be here.”

-

Sirius opened his bedroom door and was ready sleep. This whole week had been so intense with emotion.

There was a note on the bed that prevented him from falling asleep immediately:

**_Meet me by the lake when you come back. -R_ **


	44. A Movie Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus says something that is long overdue.

As the sun was setting, Sirius could see Remus’ form. As he reached the lake, he could better tell that Remus was standing on the shore with his pants rolled up.

“What the heck are you doing? Are we going to go for a sunset swim?” Remus turned to Sirius and there was a look that he hadn’t seen before. Remus held his soul at the surface of his eyes. It wasn’t hunched and hiding; it was bold and beautiful. “What are we going to do here?”

“Roll up your pants Sirius and get in the water.”

Sirius was baffled at the dominance in his voice. “Yes sir.” It only took him a moment, but he was able to get his skinny jeans up. Remus took his hands and steadied him.

“You once told me about the summer you learned to swim. You compared it to me learning how to love. Sirius, I wanted to tell you that I’ve gotten to the center of the lake. You told me you thought it would be worth the wait. I don’t know about you, but it was all worth it to me. You were bold and jumping headfirst into everything like you do but let me take my time.” Remus leaned into touch Sirius’ face. This felt like a fairytale. **_No. It felt like a movie moment._** Panic set in.

“Remus you don’t have to say it. I don’t know what James told you, but I’m happy with how things are.”

“Sirius, I am so happy with everything. I want to tell you because I feel you need to know. I try and show you through everything I do, but the words need to be said. I love you Sirius. I want to wake up with you every morning and read you to sleep every night. I want to watch you paint. I want to tell you that I love you whenever I want, and I want you to tell me you love me too.” He was loving sappy romantic Remus. He was speechless. “Please say something Sirius.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just short fluff. More coming soon.


	45. A Wedding in the Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily get married.

James was nervous for his wedding tomorrow. Before they were to get married, he had a wedding gift. Hopefully Lily would love it.

“I got you something.”

Lily lit up. James had found that Lily loved presents. He couldn’t wait to spoil her, but one gift at a time. “What kind of something?”

It was going well. This was a good start. “I got you a vacation home. Somewhere we could go honeymoon.”

“Where?”

“I bought your parents’ vacation home.” Her face was unreadable. “It’s not official yet. I put in an offer and I was just waiting for your realtor to send back the papers.”

“You really did that, for me?” Lily was still indecipherable.

“I did. I thought that we could go out there with the twins for summers like you used to do.” James was full of nervous energy. She hadn’t moved a muscle in her face. He had no idea if this was good or bad.

She broke out into a smile. “That is so thoughtful. I’m glad I get to marry you tomorrow.” She leaned over and kissed him. Lily’s reaction was always a reward in and of itself. It was also a way to help her with the debt that built up from her parents. Two birds, one stone.

“Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.”

-

“Sirius you have the rings, right?” James had to ask every time he saw Sirius.

“I’m going to lose them on purpose the next time you ask. I’ll swallow them.”

James was standing at the end of the aisle just waiting for the ceremony to start. “Did Lily like her dress? She was worried that she wouldn’t.”

Sirius groaned. “She loved the dress, it fit fine, I have the rings, she’s still coming down the aisle in ten minutes, and the weather isn’t going to turn into rain. You need to calm down.”

That was a nice sentiment until he tried to apply it. His nerves would not settle. “Do you think that I’ll make a good dad?”

“Please don’t get cold feet about this. I don’t want to have to hog tie you to the flower arch.”

James got even more nerves with the non-answer he got. He wasn’t going to be a good father and Lily wasn’t coming down the aisle because of it. “Sirius, I’ve never been a dad. I don’t know how to do this. She’s not going to want me.”

Sirius looked down the aisle and hit him in the shoulder. “There she is you dimwit. Now turn around and calm down. Remember to tell her she looks beautiful.”

Lily was wearing a soft white gown. It was vintage and billowing. She looked like an angel on Remus’ arm. Her hair curled softly and pinned in a white flower crown. As she walked down the aisle, soft piano music played. Their ten or so guests stood while she walked towards him. He reached out for her as soon as she was in arm’s length.

The priest babbled on about love or marriage. James could only hear his heartbeat in his ears.

“You’ve written your own vows?” The priest brought James back to reality with that.

“I promise to be your knight in shining armor when you need it. I will support you in your dreams and endeavors and put you above all else.”

The whole crowd was silent at the end of his vows. **_Had James done it wrong?_**

“Lily if you would like to present yours?”

Lily pulled out her sheet. She had written a whole page. James had done it wrong. He should have just gone with the traditional vows. This was all wrong. A shotgun wedding to a soulmate after just getting out of a bad relationship. He had proposed in a hospital while she was sick. This was the least romantic thing ever. It was all wrong. He was already not living up to his vows. Lily had apparently finished her vows because Sirius was handing him the rings.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Seal your union with a kiss.”

The crowd cheered while Lily and he ran through rice. He had done it. Lily had come down the aisle and there were sealed in holy matrimony. Now he needed to be the knight who took her into the sunset.

“We have a cottage to get to Mr. Potter.”

He was still in his daze but couldn’t help responding. “We sure do Mrs. Potter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy the short updates. Comment what more you'd like to see. I have another drama story line that I'm trying to work through so longer chapters coming soon.


	46. The Best Man of the Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius POV of James' wedding day! Something sets him off and Remus gets worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to abs_jones and Mmciver who wanted to hear Lily's vows. Back to a normal length chapter and some drama....

Sirius was going to knock out James’ teeth if he asked another question. He had been antsy and jittery all morning.

“Sirius you have the rings, right?” James was messing with his tie for the hundredth time.

Sirius stepped up to redo it. James was just making it more of a mess with each attempt. “I’m going to lose them on purpose the next time you ask. I’ll swallow them.”

James didn’t seem to hear him. “Did Lily like her dress? She was worried that she wouldn’t.”

Sirius groaned. Lily was in her room calm as a breeze for Remus, while Sirius was stuck here dealing with a hurricane. “She loved the dress, it fit fine, I have the rings, she’s still coming down the aisle in ten minutes, and the weather isn’t going to turn into rain. You need to calm down.”

James stopped playing with his tie and had moved onto cleaning his glasses over and over. “Do you think that I’ll make a good dad?”

 ** _Shoot._** If James kept up this line of thinking, he was going to run. In all honesty to his question, Sirius didn’t know if James would make a good dad. James had never been one before. That wouldn’t comfort James who was looking for reassurance. Sirius went with a distraction tactic.

“Please don’t get cold feet about this. I don’t want to have to hog tie you to the flower arch.”

“Sirius, I’ve never been a dad. I don’t know how to do this. She’s not going to want me.”

Sirius wanted to agree. He wanted to tell James that he knew nothing of fatherhood and might turn out to be a crap dad. While Fleamont had been a great person to look up to, Sirius was sure that he still made mistakes. **_Was someone a good parent even if they made mistakes?_** Sirius looked down the aisle. His saving grace had arrived, and he could exit this conversation. “There she is you dimwit. Now turn around and calm down.” Sirius saw Remus all dressed up leading Lily down the aisle. He for a moment wondered if Remus would dress in the same grey tux he had on now if they had a wedding. “Remember to tell her she looks beautiful.”

Sirius was trying to remind James, but also reminding himself. **_I need to remember to tell him how angelic he looks today._** Sirius in that moment zoned out into a grainy vision. Him and Remus laying on Remus’ couch. Their legs and arms intertwined. What stood out more their little fingers were hooked together. Sirius tried to hear what they were saying, but Sirius couldn’t make it out. Sirius came back as the priest started to talk about vows.

“You’ve written your own vows?” The priest had to nudge James a little to get him to pay attention. Sirius had not read over James vows. James had been secretive. He stated that Lily should hear them first. Took him five hours locked in his room. Sirius was prepared to stand there for hours for him to recite it all.

“I promise to be your knight in shining armor when you need it. I will support you in your dreams and endeavors and put you above all else.”

That was all the man had written? It took him five hours to come up with that? Sirius was embarrassed for his brother. He had begged Lily on letting them write their own vows. Told her it would be romantic and personal. That was shorter than some book titles.

Everyone waited in silence for him to continue. When it was clear he wasn’t going to, the priest turned to Lily. “Lily if you would like to present yours?”

Sirius could see Lily smile and fold out her sheet. “Most of my life I had everything I could need. When I _wanted_ something, I pushed and worked until I got it. When I met you, you seemed to be able to pluck the stars from the sky for me as if they were fruit off a tree. I won’t be able to promise you the stars, so I promise you all of me. I’ll give you my love, my heart, and the rest of my forever.”

Sirius was about to cry. She obviously had cut quite a bit out, but he was grateful to her not giving a forty-minute speech after James spoke for _less than a minute._

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Seal your union with a kiss.”

They kissed and Sirius went to go hug James when the two ran off down the aisle. While he watched his brother run off without saying goodbye, his heart crushed into a pile of rubble. **_So, this is where it starts?_** A decade of being brothers and he was forgotten in one moment. No goodbyes or even second glance.

For a second, he wondered if Regulus looked back at the house before he left Sirius laying on floor. If he paused and considered coming back and taking the risk of being caught to make sure he left with Sirius too.

-

Sirius was in a bad mood during the lunch that the Potter’s served. He continued to stab at his food, but never actually eat it. Remus was worried. The wedding had been beautiful. James’ vows may have been short, but Lily seemed to like it all the same. She was so excited to get to the vacation home that they had skipped their own reception.

“Sirius are you ok?”

Sirius grunted. His eyes were still making a hole in the plate. Remus took it as Sirius needing some space. Remus went to talk with Euphemia. She was chatting with Fleamont over if Lily and James had enough gasoline in their car to get to the next station.

“Does Sirius look upset to you?” Remus inquired from Euphemia as she was walking off to grab another salad bowl.

Euphemia looked over as discreetly as she could. Her face turned into a sad smile. “Fleamont said he might be struggling more with James getting married than he lets on.” She motioned for Fleamont to join them and pointed out the sad man at the table.

Remus was at a loss for what to do. “How do I fix it?”

“Sirius has that look on his face that he used to have right before he ran off.” Fleamont commented. Remus did not want that for sure.

“What did you do back then?”

Euphemia chuckled. “We would call the Crouch’s PI agency and they would drag him back home. He would promise to never do it again and then something would set him off again.”

Sirius was an adult and would be much harder to track if he ran. Remus couldn’t let that happen without him. If Sirius wanted to run, Remus wanted to know where he went. He turned to the table to make sure Sirius hadn’t disappeared. He was still there at the table, bending his fork against the table.

“I’ll stay with him tonight if that’s ok. Make sure he doesn’t head off in the middle of the night.”

“We’ll all keep a watch on him to make sure he doesn’t run off too easily.” Fleamont’s face reflected Remus’ fear. If Sirius left and didn’t want to be found, it would be impossible to track him down.

-

Remus had needed to clean off for the day. Sirius was just laying on his childhood bed glaring at the ceiling. His heart broke for his soulmate. The water of the shower washed over him but couldn’t reach the anxiety that had filled his whole day.

When Remus left the shower, he realized that he had been in there longer than intended. He dressed and ran into the bedroom to make sure that Sirius was still there. His stomach dropped when he wasn’t. There was a scrap of paper on the pillow:

_I don’t want you to worry that something bad has happened to me Remus, so I’m leaving you a note. I need to be alone. I can’t handle this anymore._

Almost as an after thought at the bottom of the page was written:

_You looked angelic today._

That was it, Sirius had run off. Remus dashed through the halls towards the entrance. Hopefully able to intercept Sirius. He started yelling through the halls. “He made a run for it. Euphemia have you seen him?”

The Potters shook their head, and both started to search for him as well. When Remus reached the front door, he didn’t see Sirius or the car they planned to leave in. Remus cursed to himself and into the void of the night screamed for Sirius.

-

As Sirius drove of the property, he threw his cellphone out the window. He knew Crouch and his tricks to find people. Sirius wasn’t a teenage boy anymore. He didn’t want to be found this time.

He never wanted someone else to leave him ever again. He didn’t want to feel the abandonment of not having a family ever again. If he left and cut them off, he would never feel the sting of rejection he was feeling now that James had left. Just the same terrible agony he had when Regulus had left him. He would never feel the stab in his gut when Remus could no longer handle his clingy or needy nature. Remus could never leave him now, because he was going to leave first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love for the story!


	47. Hotels in Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and James find Sirius.

This had been the longest week of Remus’ life. Sirius had gone missing the night of the wedding, James and Lily were unreachable for some reason, and Remus had no idea where to start his search. He just sat there on the couch waiting for Lily to walk through the door. They were supposed to be back to the penthouse any minute.

The ding of the elevator was his sanity’s savior. He heard Lily and James giggling about something. As they rounded the corner, James was half dressed, and Lily was working on the other half.

“You guys please stop. I’d rather not see what you were planning on doing right now.” The couple jumped surprised at Remus being there at all.

James quickly was buttoning his shirt back up. “Remus! I expected Sirius to be at your place today.”

That put a lump in Remus’ throat. He had thought that too. “Sirius ran off last week. We haven’t been able to get a lead.”

James face dropped with that information. “What do you mean ran off?”

“Your parents said it was like when he was a teen. Crouch hasn’t been able to find anything.” Remus broke. He had been trying to keep it together, but it was all falling apart. Lily held him as he cried. James went off and was yelling over the phone at someone.

James came back into the room after he hung up. “He’s using the business card. The accountant gave me some trouble, but I got it. His last purchase was in Vegas. I was able to get a private plane reserved. We leave in two hours.” With that James was off to his room to pack. Remus was still sobbing. He wasn’t able to stop.

“Darling have you eaten or showered recently?” Lily was softly stroking his hair. Remus hadn’t eaten in a day or two. He hadn’t showered in case someone had called or had information. “I hate to say it, but you smell a bit. Let us go get you showered and dressed. I’ll cook some food for us to take.”

Remus nodded softly and went off to Sirius’ bathroom. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror or stay in the shower too long without breaking down. James lent him a hoodie and sweatpants. Lily was kind enough to pack a few sweets for the plane ride.

If Remus hadn’t been in the pits of depression for the last week, he would have enjoyed flying private for the first time in his life. There was no crowd, getting stopped at security, or wait time for boarding. It was perfect cure for the anxiety he had of traveling. All he could think of was Sirius. He hoped that Sirius would be happy, at least a little bit, to see him.

-

James was furious. This was some game Sirius was playing. Running out on his boyfriend and family. Leaving no trace for them to follow. He was glad that Sirius had added him on as a partner for the business or they never would have been able to get the information from accounting.

They reached the hotel most recently charged on the card. James approached the front desk. “I’m needing a room number for a Sirius Black.”

The woman smiled at him and explained the privacy policy. “You’ll need to have the card number on file for us to give the information.” James pulled out the card for her to check. “I’m sorry. There’s not a Sirius Black checked in at this hotel.”

What the hell would he have put it under? “Try Padfoot for the first name.”

She typed out on the computer. “Yes room 568. Here’s your room key. Please enjoy your stay here in Las Vegas.”

James thanked the girl and left Lily and Remus in the dust. He needed to get to Sirius before he did something stupid. Crouch had told him that he caught Sirius trying to jump off a bridge. James remembered the nights that Sirius would pound his head against the wall until James would come in to his room. His head would be bruised for a week. Sirius didn’t have his own wellbeing in mind when he was like this.

As a teen James had always chalked it up to being a bit of a drama attention seeker, now he new a bit differently. Sirius had lots of buried trauma. Much of which he refused to address with people he loved. Therapy had been some help, but James still didn’t know much about Sirius’ past experiences. 

He reached the hotel door and inserted the key.

“Is that housekeeping to refill the fridge? You can just leave it there.” Sirius’ slurred. He was face down on the bed with the tv blaring.

The scene disturbed James. “Want to tell me why you’re here drinking away your problems while your family is fretting over you?”

Sirius only turned to be able to make eye contact. “I don’t want you here.”

“That is the biggest load of hogwash I have ever heard. Now, would you like to talk it out or rough it out?” James had often given Sirius this option at school when he got frustrated with something. A bit of wrestling seemed to sort him out and gave Sirius an outlet.

“Why don’t you and your family go enjoy being happy? I would like to wallow.”

James lifted Sirius by his shirt collar. He was limp from the alcohol he could practically smell in his veins. “Your family is wallowing because you up and left without a single word.”

“Nu-uh. I left I note for Remus.”

“That crap about you not wanting to be with him anymore. That note? That wasn’t who you really are so tell me what’s wrong!”

Sirius went from limp to alive with fire. “You want to know what’s wrong? I was beaten by parents who never loved me and left to fend for myself by my brother one night when he got the opportunity to leave. I think that I have a family finally. You make me believe that family isn’t what I had, then guess what. You find someone else to rely on. Once you have her locked down, I don’t get a second look. I should have just learned it the first time. Brothers are only there if it’s convenient for them.”

James saw the bitter soul that had formed around Sirius. “You know it wasn’t like that. I was gone a week.”

“Yeah and Regulus said that he would be back for me one day too.” Sirius practically spat the words at him. “Here I am ten years later without him.”

James had no more words. He embraced Sirius as tight as he could. Sirius fought him and screamed for him to let him go, but James continued to hang on. He would prove to Sirius that Lily wouldn’t come between them. That he could love them both. Trying to convey in that one hug that he would always come back for him.

Remus entered the room. “Sirius. You’re alright.” Remus’ voice was a soft relived. At the sound, Sirius stopped fighting.

“Remus? You came for me too?”

Remus ran to the bed as well joining the embrace. “I’ve been looking for you all week. I was so worried.”

“I left a note that I was fine.” Sirius sounded like a chastised child.

“I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but I didn’t want to be without you.”

At this sentiment Sirius broke from James and fell into Remus’ arms. Remus lowered them to a laying position. James left the room where he met Lily in the hall.

“I think he’ll be ok. We have him now James. We can take care of the problem now together.”

James took Lily into his arms. “Thank you for coming. I love you.”

-

Remus held him in silence. Sirius didn’t realize how much he had missed being held like this. “James left without a goodbye and that’s what set you off?”

Sirius was embarrassed. It seemed like such a small thing that sent him into this spiral that caused such a big commotion. “Yeah.”

Remus hummed. “Regulus didn’t _try_ to abandon you.”

Sirius scoffed. “He did. He left me in that hell hole with a bag and a note hoping that I woke up before my parents got home.”

Remus seemed to think over his response. “He was fourteen in an abusive household. I’m sure he did what he thought would help you, but he needed to think about him too.”

Sirius had never thought about it like that. He had always seen the two as a pair. When he thought about it that way, Sirius had to agree. If Sirius thought that it was his only chance to leave, he would have tried everything to get Regulus to come with him. In the end, he would have left without him if needs be.

“I have no trace to him.”

“Maybe you need to stop trying to find him. Understand that he got out and there might be a reason he hid the way he did.”

It would take time, but that seemed to be the only course of action he had now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of angst and drama. Promise that Regulus isn't too far behind...


	48. Conventions and Secret Missions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius move in together. Remus has a secret mission and might have struck gold.

Fall was here and Remus was enjoying the change in seasons. More had changed than just the seasons. James and Lily found a townhome and Remus had fallen in love with it just as much as they had. When Remus proposed buying the townhome just down the street from them, Sirius had readily agreed. It was similar in location and had room for a studio for Sirius. Remus remembered the day they agreed to move in together.

-

_Flashback_

Remus had been raving to Sirius about Lily’s apartment after they had moved the final pieces of furniture in. “And the fireplace will be so nice in the winters.”

Sirius was sick of it. Remus could tell, but it was just so perfect, he couldn’t help himself. Sirius snapped. “Why don’t you just move in with them? You seem to love it enough to leave here.”

Remus froze. **_Should he take a leap of faith?_** “Why don’t we just move in together?”

This caught Sirius off guard. “You want to move in with me?”

Remus laughed. They had been dating for a while, proclaimed love to each other, and talked about spending that rest of their life together. “At some point, doesn’t the rest of our life together include living together?”

“I thought after the whole running episode, you would want to take it slower.”

Remus thought that was hilarious. If anything, his episode made Remus want to move forward faster with him. He wanted Sirius and himself to become more intimate and closer to each other. “You know, I saw a for sale sign down the road from their townhome, if you wanted to check it out with me.”

_End Flashback_

-

They had requested their realtor to make an offer the moment they went through the house. Sirius set up his painting studio in the loft. It had an extra room for Remus to have an office and library, but Remus still spent much of his time on the lounge couch watching Sirius paint while he read.

Moving in together had brought a peace to Sirius’ mind set. Remus had also convinced Sirius to talk to him more about his life growing up instead of holding it in. James had set up a weekly lunch or dinner outside of work for the first few weeks back from his honeymoon to help reassure Sirius too.

Sirius had stopped searching for Regulus actively and the mental load that had been lifted allowed for Sirius to do more. He was able to forgive Regulus and himself for the things that happened that day he left. He had set that newly found energy towards setting up a nonprofit for those suffering from abuse at home in honor of Regulus. Sirius had always put on a faux mask of light and happiness, but with the recent changes, his light was all authentic.

Remus may have convinced Sirius to stop searching, but he was just getting started. Sirius had been searching for Regulus by his name, Remus was going to search for people who worked with survivors and escapees of religious cults. Seeing if any had ideas of where a person would go after. He had found a doctor who worked in psychology and sociology, Doctor Oliva Longbottom. Her recent papers and studies had been around trauma and religion.

She was speaking at a convention out of state. He didn’t yet want to inform Sirius of his endeavors, so he went under the guise of a publishing conference. The day came to leave, and Sirius was at the hanger to kiss him off.

“I could get used to this perk of dating rich. Private jet to any destination”

Sirius cracked with laughter. “Enjoy your convention.”

Remus looked him deep in his eyes. “Would you wish me luck?”

Sirius looked confused. “Luck for what?”

“Just wish me luck you crazy man.” Remus wanted all the help to make some headway on his secret search.

“Good luck. Find a good book or whatever.”

-

There were several speakers about abuse and trauma, Remus found it interesting. Many times, he had forgotten about his mission. The hour came where he entered the hall the doctor was speaking in, he tried to get a front seat. He could feel it in his bones. This was a big step into finding Regulus.

Olivia Longbottom gave her speech on empowering people through trauma. It was interesting. About halfway through she saw his intense eye contact and he knew that she had noticed his, probably off putting, attention.

After it was over, he waited for the room to clear and the doctor to become available to speak.

“Hello, doctor. I really enjoyed your speech.”

She was reserved and looking around the crowd a bit nervous. Remus tried to step back to make her more comfortable.

“I saw that. You seemed very interested.”

Remus didn’t know how to proceed. Straight into the point was best. “Have you ever heard of a religious cult called the ‘pureblood society’?”

Her back went ridged and her face drained of color. “I’ve studied many religions and their sociological impact.”

“I was wondering if you’ve come into contact with many people who have escaped.”

She narrowed her eyes. “If I had, those people have chosen to leave and would no longer wish to be associated with that society.”

Remus felt like he was losing her. This was his best trail he had. “I’ve been looking for someone and after every means to find them, they are still illusive. It’s really important to me that I find them. Would you know where to start with that?”

“Every patient or study subject I have known that have left are not interested in a _cleansing_ or do not care for any other ritual you are hoping to provide them.” She was glaring at him now. Remus understood why, she thought he was one of them. He tried to smile to lighten to mood. Her eyes went over his shoulder again. He didn’t want to corner her, but he did want answers.

“I’m not here for a ritual offering. I’m looking for a Regulus Black.”

She was as stiff as a board. Her face showed a mix between enraged and afraid. “Sir, I don’t know what you’re getting at, but you need to leave.”

Her eyes connected with someone over her shoulder and she started to motion something with her hands. When Remus looked over his shoulder, it was a man with black hair cut into a drop fade. He was wearing a black turtleneck and grey pants. He was holding a bouquet of flowers, Remus assumed for the woman he was talking with. He had a huge smile on his face until he made eye contact with her. For some reason this man looked familiar to Remus. It hit him when the man’s smile dropped. He saw it there in that moment. The Black family bone structure. Remus couldn’t help but smile to himself. He had done it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Regulus! I usually write the chapter, do some editing, post it and then start on the next chapter. For the next few Regulus ones, I'm going to write them all and then post. So in a few days there will be a couple chapter update.
> 
> Thank you for all the feedback so far. I'm trying to improve it based on that feedback. Comment and kudos are always appreciated. :)
> 
> Chapters 49-51 coming soon :) 11/11


	49. It's Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus wants to confirm that the mysterious stranger is Regulus before he brings him to Sirius.

The man walked into their conversation and kissed the woman on the head. “You did such a fabulous job.”

She tensed and tried to push the man towards the door. “I was just done here Reg, let’s go.”

“Don’t be in such a rush Oliva.” Regulus turned to Remus. “I’m Oliva’s husband Reginald.” He offered his hand. Remus shook his hand a bit confused. This man look so much like Sirius it was insane that this wouldn’t be his brother.

“My name is Remus Lupin.”

Oliva was tugging at Reginald discreetly and attempting to remove them from his company, but her husband held firm. “What are you at the conference for?”

“I’m actually a writer and experienced some trauma in my youth. I’m hear to try and find some information on someone who might have experienced a similar thing.” Remus went for as much truth as possible. Trying to decide how he wanted to proceed. She seemed to have a strong reaction to the name, and he had the look of a Black. Remus thought there were too many coincidences.

“Well with patient confidentiality Olivia won’t be much help for details.” Reginald gave Remus a stern look. “We had some lunch plans if you wouldn’t mind me taking her away.” They started to walk away. It was now or never.

“Does the name Regulus Black mean anything to you?”

The man froze. When he turned to Remus, it was solidified in his mind that this was Sirius’ brother. The fire that he saw there had only been matched by Sirius.

“I can’t say that name means anything to me.” They turned and kept on their way out of the hall a bit quicker this time.

**_All the cards on the table Remus. The worst you can do is make a fool of yourself._** “Do you happen to know Sirius Black then?”

Reginald turned around and paced slowly to Remus. When he was close enough, his voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know who you are, but I will not be threatened.”

Remus had to turn this around fast. “This isn’t a threat give me two minutes. If nothing comes of it, you’ll never see me again I promise. I’m trying to do something really important and I think you could help.” Remus was begging at this point.

The other man turned to his wife, then back to Remus. “Two minutes and if one offer for a ritual comes from your mouth, I’ll have you arrested.”

This was it. Remus had done it. He had made some headway. He started to dig through his bag for his phone. As he was trying to find the photo he had saved, he started asking questions. “Are you Regulus Black?”

“Not anymore. I’m Reginald Longbottom now.” **_Halleluiah!_**

“How do you know that name?” Olive stepped up. Remus still had his eyes locked into the man.

Remus had to make sure it was him first before he went on. “One question before that, it might seem personal, but I have to know for certain before I continue.” Remus searched his mind for something that would make him sure it was Regulus. All of the bits of information that Sirius had shared. “You’ll understand after this, but I just need to know for sure. It’s just to make sure.”

Reginald (or Regulus) got annoyed at the vagueness. “Just ask.”

“You have a matching scar with your brother. Where did it come from?”

Reginald went stiff. Remus had not broken the rule of offering a ritual, but he had brought up one of the few times Sirius had experience one. He hoped that it didn’t ruin his chances at continuing the conversation. Reginald took a deep breath. He looked into Remus’ eyes trying to find something. Remus tried to hold everything at the surface ready for him to find. “We both have a scar on our hand from our mother’s dagger.”

There was a party in Remus’ head. Remus saw the dark look on Reginald’s face, now confirmed as Regulus, and that’s when Remus’ stomach dropped. Maybe Regulus didn’t want to come back to his brother. Remus became torn. With the silence Regulus stood up straight.

“Any other painful memories you want to dig up?” Regulus spat.

Remus needed to do everything he could. This was for Sirius. Remus held up the photo of Sirius and Remus at their new house. Sirius was kissing Remus on the cheek holding their keys for the camera to see. Regulus took in the photo. His face went back and forth as if determining what he should feel from the photo.

“Sirius Black is my soulmate. I came here looking for some advice on how to find people who used to be in religious cults and escaped. Hoping that information I found would help to find you. It did, in a way.”

Regulus was still silent. At this point Oliva was rubbing his back and silently supporting him.

“He never stopped looking for you Regulus.” With that Regulus started to cry. Remus wanted to take it back. He hadn’t wanted this reaction. He was at a complete loss for what to do.

“Why don’t we go talk over lunch?” Oliva offered. “I’m sure Reg has a lot of questions.”

Sirius was going to be so happy. Remus couldn’t wait to bring the two together.

-

Remus couldn’t keep this stupid smile of his face. Regulus was looking through the photos on Remus’ phone in disbelief. “He’s been looking for me?”

“He has Reg. Never gave up, just didn’t have much to go on.”

Regulus requested Remus call him Reg. He had said that the name Regulus held too much pain for him. Oliva had been silently supportive as the two processed through emotions.

“He’d like to see you if you’re up for it.”

Reg’s face lit up with hope. He looked over to Oliva. “How soon would we be able to book a flight?”

“I’d have to check the airlines, but the soonest would be tonight after the conference. We’d have to get someone to look after Ty. It might be a while.”

“I have a chartered plane that will take up whenever we want to go. You can bring your kid too. We have enough room in the house, or we can put you up in a hotel. I just know Sirius will want to see you as soon as possible.” The desperation in his voice came out clear. He knew Sirius would do anything to meet him again.

Reg’s face dropped. “Why didn’t he come with you this time?”

Remus didn’t know how he was going to explain this properly. “I found this lead by myself. I didn’t want to get his hopes up if it didn’t turn up with anything.”

Reg was rubbing his face and glancing between his wife and Remus. Remus tried to focus on his meal to not put too much pressure on the two.

Oliva finally spoke. “How about I’ll meet you there on Monday? You obviously seem excited to go. I really need to finish a few things here.”

“I really don’t want to go without you Olivia. I’ll wait for Monday.”

“We have a plan then? I can take you on the private jet Monday that I already have booked.”

Regulus smiled at Remus for the first time since he first saw him in the conference hall. “That would be amazing.”

-

“Why did you extend your trip?”

Remus had been talking in circles with Sirius after putting in the official request for take off on Monday night instead of Sunday morning. “I told you. It’s a surprise.”

“I swear if it’s a book, I’m not going to be very happy. I would much rather have you home than a book.”

It was still hilarious to Remus that Sirius despised reading so much. “I promise that it will be a gift you won’t soon forget.”

“What is it?”

Remus contemplated telling him right there. He hated feeling like he was lying to him, then Remus remembered that Sirius lived for a bit of drama. “I promise that it will be a movie moment if you just let me have my secret.”

“Did you get a tattoo for me?”

Remus was taken off guard. **_If that was what he thought was a big surprise, Remus was going to give Sirius a heart attack._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter... Is Sirius happy to see his brother after all this time? Or is there some resentment from leaving him for so many years?
> 
> I love all the comments. I hit 2500...2600...2700 hits! I screamed with joy when that happened. I hit over 110 kudos! Thank you for the love and support.


	50. Together at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Sirius are united.

Monday afternoon Reg, Oliva, and their son Tyler boarded the jet for New York. When helping them pack for the trip, Remus suggested bringing photobooks for Sirius to look through when they got there. Remus had gotten to see a few photos of Sirius in his youth while they packed. Most of them were folded polaroids of school days or official family photos. It was a sad contrast to Remus. Coldness preserved properly while happiness is folded and hidden away.

He had texted James to make sure that he was there at dinner tonight. As far as anyone was concerned, it was a regular dinner. They touched down and Reg buzzed the whole drive to the house.

“If you wouldn’t mind staying a bit behind me. Sirius appreciates a bit of theatrics.”

Oliva smiles and gave a look towards Regulus who didn’t seem to be listening. He was just staring at the door of the home Remus shared with Sirius. “It must run in the family. Reg has a taste for adding flare to life as well.” Remus smiled. Olivia motioned for Tyler to stay quiet. She held Regulus’ hand while Remus skipped ahead into his home.

-

Lily was in the kitchen trying to cook and James was holding her stomach from behind humming. It had been a common scene to walk in on since she had gotten big enough for people to tell. Sirius was nursing a beer at the table going on about a business trip they had planned for next week.

“If we do Saturday to Wednesday, Remus and I could go sightseeing before the meeting and settle in. It would feel less rushed.” Sirius was trying to explain.

“See I think that if we did it the other way, we could extend if we wanted to. Less rushed on the sights.” James retorted.

“Then you do that, and we’ll do it our way.” James rolled his eyes at Sirius’ stubbornness.

Remus thought now was a good time to jump in.

“I’m home.”

The group cheered and Sirius ran to hug him. “How are you and my present?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “So demanding. Can’t I just be enough?”

Sirius whined and stomped his feet. “You stayed two extra days and promised me a present.”

This was it. All the nerves and crazy realities of the scenario got to Remus. Sirius was going to be so happy. **_Wait._** He didn’t even consider that Sirius might not be happy with this. He grew nauseous at the thought of him not appreciating Remus going behind his back to do this. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

Sirius grew concerned. “Whatever it is I’m sure it will be fine.”

Remus pulled away and stuck he head around the corner. “If you guys want to come in, I think dinner is about ready.”

Oliva rounded the corner first holding Tyler in her arms. Reg stayed a few steps behind her. Nerves apparent on his face. Lily stepped up as a proper host would to introduce them. “Hi. I’m Lily Potter. This is my husband James.”

“I’m Oliva and this is Tyler our little boy.” Tyler giggled at the attention he was receiving from the group.

James and Lily were both confused at the unexpected guests. Sirius looked to be in a stupor. Remus nudged him a bit forward in an effort for him to introduce himself.

“Sorry, it’s just for some reason you look so familiar.” Sirius cleared his throat and shook Olivia’s hand. “I’m Sirius Black.”

Sirius turned to Reg in the doorway. Regulus held his hand over his mouth, rubbing his chin. Tension pouring off of him. Both Oliva and Remus waited for Regulus to make the first move.

The two brothers stood just staring at one another. Regulus started blubbering and apologizing over and over again. He jumped to embrace him and continued sobbing. Sirius made eye contact with Remus silently asking for help on what to do. Remus shook his head. Sirius wouldn’t want this broken up once he knew the truth.

Regulus finally found his voice and pulled away to look into Sirius’ eyes. “It’s been a while Sirius, but I didn’t think you’d forget me entirely.”

Remus knew the moment that Sirius connected all the dots. His eyes went wide, looked over Regulus, and then shook his head as if to clear it. “This can’t be happening.” He glanced to Remus who gave a small confirmation nod. “Is that really you Regulus?” Reg just nodded his head.

The two brothers were now locked in embrace again. James’ face dropped in shock with the name that had fallen out of Sirius’ lips. Everyone in the room just an audience member to the reunion.

When they finally broke apart, Sirius wiped his eyes and turned to Remus. “I never thought I would find you Regulus.” Sirius didn’t let go of Regulus but turned to Remus. “We should move to the dinner table and you should tell me how you pulled this off you cheeky bugger.”

-

Sirius had been slowly drinking through his beer while James and Lily rubbed their love in his face. Remus was supposed to come Sunday morning and instead pushed it off to Monday. Sirius was looking forward to cuddling and tea before the hectic week started.

James and he started talking about the business meeting thar they had across the country. Sirius was trying to convince James to come with them early so they could settle early so there would be less stress about getting to the meeting. James was arguing that would make the rest of the trip stress free to have the meeting over with at the beginning.

“Then you do that, and we’ll do it our way.” Sirius wasn’t going to budge on this. James could push all day. Sirius would not make modifications to his plans. If he changed it, Remus might not be able to get off work of.

Pulling him out of this dumb fight with James was the sound of an angel “I’m home.”

Sirius couldn’t help himself. He practically tipped the table to get to Remus. “How are you and my present?” Sirius was excited to see what could have held Remus back two days.

Remus rolled his eyes. “So demanding. Can’t I just be enough?”

Sirius was about to explode. He felt like a toddler about the throw a tantrum. “You stayed two extra days and promised me a present.”

Remus’ smile faded slowly. The color drained from his face and suddenly got somber. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

Sirius grew concerned. What could it possibly be that would cause him such concern? He tried to reassure Remus. “Whatever it is I’m sure it will be fine.” This would be his first present from Remus.

Remus went back around the corner. “If you guys want to come in, I think dinner is about ready.”

 ** _What in the world did Remus get him._** From around the corner a short blond woman carrying a child and a taller man with short black hair. Sirius waited for an explanation. Remus never gave one.

Lily and the woman, Oliva, made introductions. The man she had brought was still a stranger. As Sirius examined the man, he kept seeing his father’s features. His stomach dropped at remembering his father. Remus smacked him out of it. Sirius stepped up to introduce himself. “Sorry, it’s just for some reason you look so familiar.” Sirius cleared his throat and shook Olivia’s hand. “I’m Sirius Black.”

Sirius went to introduce himself to this mystery man, he noticed that the man had tears in his eyes. The man reached up to rub his face. The guest’s nerves were evident, for what reason, Sirius had no idea. Everyone was silent. When the man started to apologize and hug him, Sirius looked at Remus for help. When Remus shook his head, Sirius got angry. **_Some present this was. Inviting strangers to dinner after they cried all over his shoulder_**. The man finally pulls away and Sirius is relieved.

“It’s been a while Sirius, but I didn’t think you’d forget me entirely.”

 ** _Had Sirius met this man before?_** He looked over the man a couple of times. **_No. It couldn’t be._** “This can’t be happening.” He looked to Remus for confirmation. He was expecting Remus to tell him this was a joke. When Remus did nothing but nod, he turned to this man. “Is that really you Regulus?” The man nodded and for a second, Sirius was out of his body.

The two brothers were now locked in embrace again.

Sirius never wanted to let go. Regulus eventually pushed back to look into his eyes. Sirius was first to speak. “I never thought I would find you Regulus.” **_How had Remus done this?_** “We should move to the dinner table and you…” Sirius turned to Remus “Should tell me how you pulled this off you cheeky bugger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Thank you for the love, siriusly ;). I wanted to make sure all the Regulus chapters flowed well together so their coming out a bit slower. Comment what you'd like to see. If you have any requests for oneshots, I am also open to those!


	51. Regulus Leaving Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter of Regulus leaving home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer because it was a hard week and I want to make sure the next chapter flowed well with this one.

_Flashback_

Regulus hadn’t meant for his father to notice the missing book. He was planning on putting back that night. Yet here Regulus sat at the kitchen table with his mother as if nothing was happening. They were sitting there as if Sirius wasn’t screaming for his life. He could hear the pleas and it drove his stomach to the floor.

“Your father and I are heading to dinner with your aunt and uncle. I presume you will attend to your duties while we are away.”

There was too big of a knot in his throat to respond verbally. Whatever response he gave to his mother was enough for her though. When the screaming suddenly stopped, Regulus was worried that he would expel the contents of his stomach right there.

His father came out dressed to the nines. He was walking the cane he most likely just beat Sirius with. Regulus made his mind up right there. **_I’m leaving tonight. I’ll die here if I don’t._** Watching his parents leave, Regulus ran to his room. He had already talked with Frank Longbottom before the end of school about his home life, and Frank said his parents would take him in if needed. Sirius could even come too.

Regulus backed his bag and pulled on out for Sirius as well. He didn’t know what Sirius would want packed. He ran to his father’s office. There laid Sirius, his face was black and blue, his shirt had torn, and there were clear evidence of tears.

“Sirius, please wake up.” Regulus tried to shake him as gently as he could. He didn’t want to hurt his brother more. “You need to open your eyes for me.” Sirius was as limp as a rag doll. “I can’t carry you out. I don’t know when they’ll be back.”

Regulus waited thirty minutes. He got nervous. It broke his heart to think that he needed to leave his brother. He went back upstairs and hid half his stash of cash in the bottom of the backpack. With tears in his eyes he wrote a note. While he wanted to tell Sirius where he would be, if his parents came home and saw, he would be dragged back.

Regulus grabbed his bag and as he went past the office again, he pushed Sirius’ hair out of his face. “I _need_ to go. I hope you understand. Even more so, I hope that you wake up before mother and father get home.”

Regulus got out of the house and all the dark seemed to slip off his body and replaced with light. He looked back at the house. Even with the newfound hope, Regulus wanted to go back. Maybe today wasn’t the day to leave. Maybe he needed to wait for Sirius. Yet another thought creeped in. **_Maybe this is how it needed to be for now._**

“I’ll see you again one day.” Regulus turned and ran to the nearest bus stop.

 _End Flashback_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always and forever, I appreciate the comments, kudos and bookmarks. I have the numbers written up on my fridge to encourage me during rough times.


	52. Of Weddings and Their Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Sirius talk about weddings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I am back. Chapters are set to come out weekly at least. I'll try to release them Friday through Sunday.

“I went to the Longbottom’s after that day and hoped you got out in time. I thought you might have some school friends or enough cash to get you through the summer and to school at least.”

Sirius was still in shock. He couldn’t believe after all this time and effort that his brother was sitting in front of him. “Why did you change your name?”

“For some reason about a year after I left mother sent legal papers to the Longbottom family about regaining parental rights. You know how they were about preserving the legacy.” Sirius remembered. It was painfully engraved into the back of his mind. “They sued for custody and lost. Mr. Longbottom got a job across the country after that and I changed my name with the move. They struck all names from record so no one could follow us.” Reg looked up sheepishly. “It’s most likely why you had such a hard time following the trail.”

Sirius didn’t know if he wanted to be angry or happy with how things worked out. There was so much going on that he needed to process. While they were united now, it would have been easy enough for the Longbottoms to contact the school and tell them where they were.

Glancing at the clock he saw that it was almost three in the morning. He and Regulus were the only ones still awake. James and Lily had taken off after dinner, Oliva had fallen asleep on the couch with Tyler on her chest, and Remus had gone to his bed around midnight.

Sirius watched as Regulus ran his fingers over Oliva’s face, who was tucked under his shoulder. A pang from deep in Sirius he didn’t know was there appeared at the sight. “Can I ask you a really personal question?”

“Of course.”

Sirius got nervous. **_What if Regulus didn’t understand either?_** “When did you know you wanted to get married?”

Regulus leaned his head against the couch sinking further in. “I never wanted to get married and I still don’t like the idea of marriage. The piece of paper that hangs on our wall means almost nothing to me. I would happily live out my life with her and our kids without it.” Regulus closed his eyes. “She got sick right after Ty was born and they wouldn’t let me in the room. I wasn’t family officially and all the laws about privacy and safety were working against me.” Tears poured down his brother’s face. Sirius would have taken him in a hug if he wasn’t holding his family. “Albert and Augusta were out of country and I had to sit in the waiting room. There was a nurse who remembered me from the delivery and came to say she was alive every hour or so.”

Sirius never even thought about all the technicalities of not being married if something went wrong. If he died, Remus would have a hard time claiming any of the inheritance he was owed. Regulus once he composed himself more continued.

“Oliva had always wanted to get married. I explained the blood and ropes and general awfulness that were involved in a ‘traditional’ ceremony from how we grew up, so she understood. It didn’t mean that she didn’t want a ‘white gown’ wedding. Once she woke up, I was let in the room and I promised her a wedding right then.” Regulus looked into Sirius’ eyes. “It was just a fancy party to me. It wasn’t a declaration of my love for her, because I would do that every day before and I have done it every day after. The piece of paper could shrivel and burn. It wouldn’t make any difference in my day to day life. To her and the rest of the world, it draws a line. It makes the difference. It lets her know I’m not going to run off or disappear. It tells the world that we chose one another.”

“Sirius, it doesn’t mean a thing to you. That’s not the point. It means everything to Remus. That’s the point.”

Sirius couldn’t handle the intensity of the emotions anymore. He abruptly stood up and wiped his eyes. “Well, you sodding romantic, I’m going to lay in my very comfortable bed and not wake up with a pain in the neck. I suggest that you move to the guest room where you won’t either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love your comments. Someone suggested that they can't wait to see their vacation together. If you have a one shot or a chapter idea or a scene prompt you would like to seen written, I would love to do it. I'm using writing as a bit of a therapy tool so suggest away! (Also looking for other story ideas)


	53. Concerning Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is has a secret and Remus isn't great at reading body language.

Seattle was beautiful. Sirius was having so much fun seeing all the sights with Remus. Remus was absorbed in all of the art and general hipster-ness creativity. It was a whole new sight to see him like this. It made Sirius glad that he had booked an appointment with the best jewelry designer on the west coast to design Remus’ engagement ring, or bracelet, or earing. To be honest, Sirius couldn’t quite decide between the ideas of each, which is why he booked the appointment in the first place.

Sirius had contemplated asking James’ advice, but knew the man couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. The secret proposal was held between Sirius and his personal assistant, Stephanie. Sirius had set parameters for who he would consider as a designer. She had spent nights calling around the world for the best fit, of what Stephanie called, Sirius’ extremely particular personality. Sirius had put her on-call for the week, once calling at three am to ask about Paris fashion week designers. This year, Sirius would make sure that she got a sizeable bonus.

-

“I’m just meeting up with a potential client.” Sirius was desperately trying to leave. Remus was making it hard by offering takeout and the home channel. Stephanie had called in a few of Sirius’ favors to get this appointment though.

“You told me last night that you were just doing some shopping.”

 ** _Damn._** **_Is that the lie he had gone with last night?_** “It’s near a mall so I was going to go window shopping after.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “Just go.” He turned over into the covers of the hotel bed. Sirius wanted to reach out to him but knew that he would end up being convinced to stay for the whole day if he did.

The hotel door softly closed with a click. Sirius never knew how he was going to propose if he was this nervous just thinking about a ring.

-

“Just go.”

Remus hoped that pulling out some dramatics Sirius would be more inclined to stay. At least Remus was hoping that Sirius would make a bigger production of wanting to stay but needing to go. There was no dramatics or further information that Remus was offered. Sirius should have practiced his lie better. **_Art interview, shopping, and now a business client._** He couldn’t seem to even pretend to care enough to keep the story consistent.

After Reg’s visit, Sirius started acting weird. Remus didn’t know what to make of it. Sirius started spending more time in his office with the door locked, spending long hours on the phone, changed the password to the bank account. Remus passed it off as the business getting busy leading up to the meeting. It was the lie he would have believed, if James had been busy as well. The truth Remus was trying to avoid was it may have been their conversation the night Reg was there.

-

_Flashback_

Remus felt Sirius crawl into bed. Sirius curled into the nook between his shoulder and neck.

“Good talk?”

It was a long moment before there was a response. Remus tried to match Sirius’ breathing. **_In. Out. In. Out._**

“You found him for me?” Remus just nodded. He still didn’t know where his surprise stood on the scale of good surprise or bad surprise.

Sirius let out a long sigh. “Oliva is nice. I’m glad you brought her too.”

“I’m glad that I could make our family whole again.” **_Good surprise._** Remus was more than relieved. It was like the satisfaction of a perfectly dropped pebble into a still lake. It was only broken when Sirius’ lips, which had just been softly playing with his neck stopped.

“Our family?”

 ** _Crap._** He always got cold feet when Remus mentioned anything close to marriage or children. Remus froze, much like with a spooked horse, waited for Sirius to make the next move. He didn’t. Both of them were locked in their position, waiting for the other to speak until Remus could no longer keep his eyes open.

_End Flashback_

-

After that, Sirius kept late hours and slept in the spare room. Remus was so desperate to get Sirius’ attention at this point. He tried to reassure Sirius that he didn’t need to be family, they could just be them, but he couldn’t hold his companions attention for more than a minute. Remus was more than happy to have what he had with Sirius without a specific label. The title of boyfriend didn’t quite fit after they had moved in together. In Remus’ mind they were ‘monogamous companion for life’. When talking with others, Sirius referred to Remus as his ‘partner’. Lily and James would tease them and sometimes call them lovers to make Remus blush. Remus felt that a pair must be having sex to earn the title of lover.

They had yet to be intimate anything more than making out with Sirius’ shirt off. It felt so middle school to Remus, but Sirius had previously assured him that sex in a relationship was not mandatory _._ So, when Remus felt like Sirius started to slip away (for the seventh time) from the conversation they were having one morning, he threw his cards on the table.

-

_Flashback_

“I’ve heard the Space Needle is pretty romantic. There’s a pretty fancy restaurant at the top where lots of people go for special occasions.”

Sirius hummed. He eyes drifted to the window and Remus could tell he was somewhere else. They were both just enjoying their morning drinks. Remus was sick of Sirius’ mind obviously being somewhere else.

“Let’s have sex.”

Coffee came shooting out of Sirius’ nose and he started chocking. “What…now?”

It was a low and desperate move, but Sirius seemed to be on the verge of leaving him. Remus couldn’t think of anything else to give him to keep his attention. Something, or someone, was obviously occupying his mind. For a moment, Remus wondered if it was his personal assistant. Remus had seen the phone records on Sirius’ phone before he changed his lock code. Eighty calls in a day was not normal for anyone.

“Yes.” He tried to make his voice sound convincing. While Remus wasn’t a virgin, physical intimacy was difficult with the pattern of scars he bore both physically and mentally.

Sirius’ phone rang at that moment. Glancing between the two, Sirius smiled apologetically. “Let’s talk about this later.”

_End Flashback_

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I just want to say thank you for all the reads! I was just writing this story for me and knowing that others are liking it...well... *blushing*...
> 
> I've also gotten through my writers block on how to move the story forward so there should be more stuff coming up at a faster pace.
> 
> PS: Anyone like to Beta? Hit me up because I is not good with the grammar all the time. ;)


	54. Ring Ring Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius meets with a jewelry designer and gets a missed call.

“Honestly, it’s an honor you’ve come to me to design a collection for you.”

Did this man purposely keep his office at a hundred degrees or was Sirius just having a heat flash? The receptionist must have noticed because she brought him a cold water and offered to take his jacket.

“I don’t often do personal pieces, but your reputation precedes you.” David Tark had been the head designer for multiple fashion weeks and had been willing to work with Sirius personally on the design. Stephanie had said that once word got out about a potential bid for a ‘Sirius Black jewelry collection’ came out, there were lots of designs sent in. David was one of the few who simply sent in a letter stating that he would love to work with Sirius to get more information before considering any designs. “Now that the NDA is signed, what is the design collection?”

“I need engagement and wedding jewelry. My soulmate doesn’t know that I’m even looking into this yet.”

The jeweler looked at him confused. “You must be keeping it lowkey if the press hasn’t gotten wind of you finding your soulmate.”

They had kept their relationship pretty lowkey, not that it was that hard to do with Remus having a lowkey personality. A few photos had appeared about James and Lily, but Sirius paid to keep those out of the media. If James’ relationship went public, Sirius’ would soon follow.

“Very lowkey.” Sirius confirmed. “I am more than happy to make sure that it’s known that I used you when asked.”

David’s face lit up into a smile. “Tell me about you and your beau.”

-

David and Sirius spent the first half hour talking about Remus. They had settled on a traditional engagement ring, simple band made of a mix of black and gold metals. Stones would be laid in and covered by clear material to allow for the simple look Remus enjoyed. Halfway through the design drawing, Sirius phone rang.

**UNKNOWN NUMBER Calling…**

Sirius sent the call to voicemail. “I’m so sorry. I thought I had it on vibrate.”

David gave him an understanding smile. Before Sirius could change it, the number was calling again.

**UNKNOWN NUMBER Calling…**

“Let me see if this is something important.” As Sirius stood up to leave, David started to protest. David still with his head down sketching another version of the ring.

“You can take it in hear. This might be another minute.”

**“Hello. This is a collect call from King County…”**

**_A telemarketer. Great, let’s put that on mute._ **

“Sorry. It was just a telemarketer call.”

-

The rest of meeting went great. The ring was designed, and Sirius had a bit of time before needing to meet Remus for dinner. He had mentioned the Space Needle a few days ago and Sirius had taken that as a hint to make a reservation. It was all a surprise to Remus though.

Sirius had never had this much fun in his life. Planning romantic dates, wooing someone, making memories that they might someday tell their…nephews. He was still on the fence about kids of his own, but definitely one day, he would tell Tyler and James’ boys about this. Giving them advice about how to woo their own love interest.

There was a sudden shake to his bliss when he found the hotel room empty. Sirius pulled out his phone seeing that is was still muted.

**Missed Call: Unknown Number**

**Voicemail: Unknown Number**

**Missed Call: Unknown Number**

**Voicemail: Unknown Number**

**Missed Call: Lily Evens (Potter)**

**Voicemail: Lily Evens (Potter)**

**Missed Call: Lily Evens (Potter)**

**Missed Call: Lily Evens (Potter)**

**Missed Call: Lily Evens (Potter)**

**Missed Call: James**

**Voicemail: James**

****74 UNREAD TEXT MESSAGES****

**_What the hell had happened in the hour that he had been unavailable?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short, but more on the way...


	55. Pity Parties and Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus goes out and tries to find something that will fill the hole in his time. He ends up somewhere he didn't expect.

He wasn’t going to through a pity party, he was going to go out with Sirius’ credit card and buy something expensive. Maybe multiple expensive things. He was going to enjoy a first edition something or another.

Anger was a feeling Remus wasn’t used to. Remus hadn’t been angry when he was taken, or when he was found, or when his father told him that he didn’t love him and his mother, or when his past relationships had failed, or the multitude of other times in his life fate had been horrible. Now he was mad. Sirius was lying about something. He was still wanting to act the part of companion, but not play the part.

Remus made it to the small unique bookshop that he had found the information for online. He pulled their most expensive book, an early edition Hemmingway, and went out to lunch.

The market had several fun shops. The row of flowers was beautiful and he contemplated buying some and faking a secret admirer. Remus rethought that when he couldn't think of anyone that he could pin it on. Fish were being tossed and the crowd started to gather. Remus could feel a panic attack coming on. He pushed through quickly walking into a store that was relatively empty. It was one of those expensive unnecessary shops with rocks and glass aimed at tourists looking for a souvenir. _**This was perfectly unnecessary .**_

As he looked around for something to throw at Sirius when he came back home, the store clerk started to wave at him to catch his attention.

“Only those with intent to buy are allowed in the store, sir.” There was a smug look on his face. Remus looked around the store. There was no one else. Sure Remus’ clothes weren’t the most stylish, but Remus no longer had a wardrobe that all of his friends called ‘newly homeless’. He didn’t look completely desolate.

“I plan on buying, I’m just looking at what I want to buy.” Remus’ temper and tone were as short as a fuse.

“We have the right to refuse service to anyone. I ask that you leave now if you aren’t going to buy something.”

Remus picked up the first thing in his sight. “I’ll take this and leave then.”

The clerks face got red with anger. “Think you can intimidate and threaten me to letting you steal? Think again.”

“No. I was going to…”

“Tough guys like you think that you can do whatever you want. It’s not going to work on me.” Before Remus could think, the man’s fist was in his face. He heard the crack of his nose and the shattering of glass before he could even process what had happened.

-

There was a ringing in his ears. He could feel hands on his face and his feet were cold.

“Sir, who is your emergency contact?”

Remus tried to talk, he really did, but his mouth was full of cotton. **_Why were his feet cold?_**

“One more time. We want to make sure. Just tell me the phone number.”

 ** _Who had stuffed cotton in his mouth?_** Remus tried to open his eyes. It’s as if his eyes could no longer focus. There was a blonde woman wearing blue scrubs. He tried to convey his apologies with his eyes. **_Someone has stuffed my mouth with cotton. You are being so kind, but I can’t speak right now._**

She seemed to get the message. “Just with your fingers then. One number at a time.”

Remus slowly tried to remember Sirius’ phone number. He held up his hands slowly showing the numbers. **_Why did they need Sirius’ phone number? Why were his feet cold?_**

“We will call as soon as we can to inform them you’re here.” She started to say something else, but Remus was too distracted with all the questions. **_Where was he? What was going on?_**

There was pressure on his skin and then a burning sensation. Remus tried to scream out, tell the sweet woman that he was on fire. His feet were still cold. **_How were his feet cold while he was on fire?_** Voices started to sharpen, and the focus came back to him.

“We have to get him surgery there isn’t time”

“I need his personal items to get another emergency contact. The first was sent to voicemail.”

“The EMT’s would have given that to administration. Those listed as emergency contacts only are permitted.”

“Understood doctor.”

With that odd exchange, Remus closed his eyes. **_I wonder what happened to my socks._**

-

There was a really annoying beeping that was bringing Remus back to consciousness. His eyelids were made of lead, but he managed to catch a glimpse of red hair.

“Lily.” Remus noted that his mouth was no longer full of cotton.

“Remus! You’re ok. I was so worried about you.”

“Where am I?”

Lily softly took Remus’ hand which was covered in tubes. As she looked him over, Remus tried to take stock of the room. There was a sleeping man in a chair. He had black hair that was braided. Remus could tell that he had been sleeping for some time as there were pieces of hair falling out. He was beautiful.

“Remus, you got injured while you were out shopping. James was able to get an earlier flight time.”

 ** _Flight? Shopping? James?_** Remus didn’t quite understand what she was talking about. That’s when Remus noticed the very large belly that Lily was rubbing with her free hand. “Lily what happened to you?”

Lily’s smile stayed on her face, but her eyes became empty. “Remus what is the last thing you remember?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be mad at the cliff hanger...another chapter coming soon.  
> Thank you for all the reads and bookmarks. Let me know what you think will happen next. Whose perspective do you want to see?


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily gets a call. Her and James reschedule their flight to Seattle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I am not a medical professional. I've had experience with amnesia that I can't remember (of course) so this is based off of stories that others told me about that time. Some things are based on my experience and some will be a stretch of imagination to make the story line move along. Same with laws and all the fun technical stuff. :)

Lily and James had just sat down for dinner when her phone rang.

**“Hello. This is a collect call from King County Hospital. You have been identified as an emergency contact. Please press one to continue.”**

Lily hesitantly pressed one. “Hello. This is Lily Evens-Potter.”

**“Ms. Evens-Potter, you’ve been identified as an emergency contact for a patient Lupin. Before I continue, I just need to confirm some information.”**

As if from the ceiling, a weight dropped into her stomach. Her dinner forgotten, Lily pushed out her chair and started pacing. “Of course I could.”

Lily went on to confirm his date of birth and other key information. She wondered what must be happening to Sirius and Remus that they ended up in the hospital and couldn’t contact themselves.

**“Mr. Lupin was in an accident and is currently being treated by professionals at the King County Hospital.”**

James raised an eyebrow and questioned silently who she was speaking with. Lily waved him off mouthing ‘later’. The administrator went on to talk about some of the injuries Remus was being treated for. Nothing about Sirius though. “Was there another man that came in with him?” A clear and hesitant pause came from the other line.

**“No one came in with him but the EMTs. A nurse was able to get a phone number from Mr. Lupin, but there was no answer. We needed to resort to secondary contacts as listed on his phone.”**

James motioned to Lily for more information. She was too busy throwing together a go bag. A few things that she needed to travel. James was getting in the way trying to stop her from tearing apart the house looking for her passport. Finally, she covered the receiver and angrily whispered. “Remus is in the hospital. Get your shit we need to leave now.”

To her great annoyance, James instead followed Lily around as she finished her pack. 

“We’re out of state at the moment, is this a number I could call back on when we get there?”

**“Of course. Just come to the front desk or call anytime. He’s heading into surgery now, but we will have updates available soon.”**

The tone sounded as the call ended. “Remus is in the hospital. We need to leave right now.” Lily was still waddling around the room collecting the bare necessities. Her large abdomen was keeping her from putting on her tennis shoes by herself. **_Slippers would be just fine, right?_**

Before she could head out the door in her lounge wear and slippers, James grabbed her bag away. “You need to slow down.” He laid the stuffed bag on the bed. “I’ll call to see if there is a flight out of here soon. We will put on real shoes and leave as soon as possible.”

Lily thought of Remus alone in a hospital. She then remembered; Remus _shouldn’t_ have been alone. She attempted to call Sirius and the call went to voicemail. At the tone, Lily started ranting. “You better have the best excuse for not being there and not answering you phone. I hope that you are trapped under a bridge about to die, because that is the excuse for not being there for Remus who is in a hospital alone. If you are there, there is no reason to have not called me or James. You little piece of conceded…”

James grabbed her phone before she could continue. “Let’s assume the best of my brother. He won’t need a voicemail like that with Remus however he is.” Ever the reasonablist James Potter was. “You stay here, I’ll grab a few things and we will leave.” James had a soft smile that lit up his face. “We’ll even fly private to make sure we get there as soon as possible.”

There was hesitation in giving Lily her phone back, but he did. While James was in the bathroom, Lily called Sirius three more times but didn’t leave a message. She knew she needed to think of the best situation if she was going to make it through the emergency trip.

-

“Lily just sit back and focus on you and Remus. I’ve got all the little details taken care of for you.”

Lily couldn’t have asked for a better husband. James had set up a transport from the airport to the hospital. Laying back in her chair she had taken a break from sending Sirius text after text asking what was happening. There was still no answer. James had left a much nicer voicemail detailing where Remus was and what they knew. They still hadn’t gotten an answer from Sirius.

He was ruining her first private plane ride. An experience that she had been very much looking forward to. James flew commercial whenever he could, and Sirius preferred other means of travel when it was available. Remus and Lily were still new to the world of being rich and Lily was enjoying it. Being able to get whatever she pleased was amazing. Remus would never admit it, but he was star struck after his first private plane ride and had bragged about it for an hour after he arrived to his destination. He had gone on about how relaxing it was to sit in the spacious aircraft. ‘The only thing missing was a masseuse’ he had said.

There would be no relaxing on this flight.

-

The hospital was kind enough to let the gang into the room while Remus slept outside of visiting hours. It most likely had something to do with Sirius throwing a fit to the doctors and bribing the nurses. James couldn’t blame him though. Well, he couldn’t blame him too much. Lily was still fuming that he had ignored the call from the hospital and only knew where to go because of James. James on the other hand was more curious than mad.

Every question he tried to aim at Sirius to get information on where he was, was met with vague answers or complete silence. Sirius succumbed to sleep after hour four of them being there and out of pure will power (and spite), Lily stayed awake gripping Remus’ hand.

James’ knew this was his time to be supporting cast. While Remus was another brother to him, there in that room was a broken lover and very pregnant best friend. They would fight fiercely to ensure the best care for Remus. After the hotel incident, James understood the importance of supporting cast roles. Lily and Sirius would only have the energy to fight if someone reminded them to eat, took care of the paperwork, and made sure that the outside world didn’t demand their attention.

-

The cafeteria was awfully limited, but he had managed two extremely sugared coffees and a tea. When he walked in with the cups, Remus was awake. James was relieved. He had never really experienced illness or injury other than Lily’s time in the hospital and when Sirius had first come to live with them.

“I see you’re awake. We’re so glad you pulled through.”

Remus eyes moved to Lily and back to him. There was so much hesitation in his eyes. “You look so familiar. I’m sorry, but I can’t quite place your name. Are you with the hospital?”

James rolled his eyes. Remus wasn’t the best at trying to lighten the mood, at least he was attempting to. “Haha very funny. I think it would have been a better prank pulled on Sirius than me.” He handed the coffee to Lily who immediately placed it on the side table. Focusing her attention solely on Remus.

“Remus. You need to tell me the last thing you remember.”

His swollen eyes looked to the ceiling. “You called me to come get you from Severus. I haven’t seen you in a few months. You said he had hit you pretty hard and you didn’t feel safe.”

Lily closed her eyes trying to keep herself together. James waited for the ‘gotcha’ moment. The moment Sirius would wake up and laugh at the dumb founded face James knew he face was. With every passing second, that possibility faded.

Remus looked to Sirius who had pushed two chairs together to form a somewhat couch. He tried to reach out but couldn’t get there with the tubes in his arm.

“Would you like me to wake him up? He’ll be happy to see you.”

Instead of answering to James, Remus directed his answer to Lily. “Don’t wake him. I’m sure he doesn’t want to wake up for a stranger. I’ll thank him for bringing me in when he wakes up.”

Lily had started to cry. “Tell me you remember more than that Remus.”

Desperation filled her cracking voice. Remus echoed the desperation in needing to comfort her, just unsure of what to say. “I remember going to a hotel to get you. Is that where I got hurt?”

“No. You picked me up from Severus’ house. The hotel was later.”

While Lily continued to try and get information from Remus, James stepped out to page the doctor. By the time he returned Remus was asleep.


	57. Memoirs of Amnesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets to talk with Remus for a while.

“Memory loss and loss of consciousness is to be expected with Mr. Lupin’s injuries.”

Sirius fumed with anger as he had missed the few moments that Remus was awake. **_He should have been there._** His head was full of self-deprecating thoughts. **_This wouldn’t have happened if he had stayed in bed. Remus had practically begged him to stay. Remus had been alone. Remus had woken up and he wasn’t there. Sirius wasn’t important enough for Remus to remember._**

The doctor continued to explain what to expect. Decreased motion, loss of control, lowered inhibitions and extreme mood swings. Lily was a guard dog whenever the doctor left. She hadn’t looked at him much since they arrived, but when she did it was nothing but fire. He could still here her words from the voicemail. _Conceded_. Truth was, he had been wrapped up in nothing but himself and the idea of proposing for a week. James kept asking what Sirius was doing at the time of injury. He couldn’t come up with a proper answer that didn’t make his stomach drop. Thankfully, the two others seemed to more or less ignore him when discussion was not absolutely necessary.

-

Sirius was exceedingly grateful that he opted to change into visitor scrubs while waiting for his change of clothes coming from Lily and James. The heart rate monitor started to rise. Before Sirius contacted the nurse when amber eyes opened and met Sirius’.

“Hello.”

Words caught in his throat. His voice was rough, but soothing. Sirius had yet to see Remus awake. He had woken up three times now. Once while he was asleep, once while he was out for some air, and once when he had taken a phone call regarding the shop where Remus got hurt. The last one hurt, because it was the first time that Remus remembered James and even asked to see Sirius. Before James could get him back into the room, Remus was asleep again.

It pieced together his soul to see him staring back at him. Any part of the soul that was healed from the act, was broken when Remus clearly didn’t remember him.

“Where am I, sir?”

“You were in an accident. You’re in the hospital.” Remus’ heart rate slowed down on the monitor. “What is the last thing you remember?”

“My friend and I just got home from a night out.”

“That’s great.” Sirius knew he shouldn’t push, but he did anyway. “Can you tell me some more information?”

Remus blushed. Sirius wanted to reach out and pinch his nose it was so cute. Instead, he twisted his hands together.

“We went to a bookstore. She just got out of a relationship…if you can even call it that. You’re a nurse, I’m sure that you have something more important than to listen to my story.”

Sirius nodded. Whatever kept Remus talking and trusting him. “I’m monitoring you. I have all the time for you.” He was intensely curious. **_It couldn’t be that night they met James, could it?_** Sirius decided to have some fun with the same thing that was ripping his heart out. “Tell me about that night.”

Remus pulled an amused face. “You can keep a secret right?” Sirius nodded. “We went out and this knight in shining armor thought I was abusing her because...” A shadow fell over his expression. Sirius knew what he thought of when he wore that expression. He was thinking of **him.** Of that dark time. “I know the dangers that lurk in the shadows.”

Sirius wanted to kiss him. Take the shadows away as he normally did. Instead he tried to change the subject. “He was probably a total prick, wasn’t he?”

The darkness left. “Less of a prick and more of a pompous rich boy vibe.”

Sirius laughed at that. He wished that James had been here to hear that. “Do you think they’ll fall in love?”

“It was good for her self-confidence to be flirted with someone so handsome. Men like that are fickle. Not good for someone who needs stability.”

A hum came from Sirius. The Remus he knew wasn’t so concerned with James. This was heading into a sad direction. “What about you? Do you have a type?”

“Patient-doctor confidentiality, right?”

“Sure.”

“I like stability. I do the same thing almost every day. So, someone who doesn’t mind that.”

“What physically draws you in?” Remus had said several times that Sirius was his type physically well before they met. Sirius knew he was playing in dangerous territory, but he wanted to hear what Remus would say. Would he be flustered and try to lie, or would he dance around the truth?

Remus’ face reddened. **_Flustered it was._** “Confidence, I guess.”

He waited for Remus to say more. He didn’t. “You must have men falling at your feet.” Sirius knew this wasn’t the truth during the time Remus now thought he was in, but he still wanted to flirt a bit. Remus had started to open and close his eyes more frequently, an indicator that he was about to lose consciousness.

“I am not one people fall for.”

Sirius snickered as sleep seemed to claim his boyfriend once more. “How wrong you are.”

-

James had texted that Lily had fallen asleep in their hotel room shortly after they had arrived, and Sirius would need to stick it out in the scrubs for now. It was no problem to him who was still riding out the high of being able to speak with Remus.

James had also been able to reschedule their meeting to the end of the week and had been unable to convince them to just accept James coming without Sirius. He took this time to think over things they needed to cover in the meeting.

The heart rate monitor started to rise again around thirty minutes after their last conversation. Just like last time, amber eyes fluttered open.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, there was an accident.” Remus glanced about the room. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I just left my mom’s house.”

That gave Sirius zero context. Remus didn’t elaborate and continued to orient himself in the room. When the silence was too much, Sirius spoke up. “Can I ask you something?”

Remus made contact with Sirius again. “I don’t know what I could help you with.”

Sirius took a deep breath before continuing. “How would you want to be proposed to?”

Even with the confusing surroundings, Sirius could see Remus put his mind to it. “I’ve always thought I would propose in a library. If I could find someone who wanted to marry me.”

“You think you would propose in your relationship? What would you think if your partner proposed?”

“No one has been all that interested in marriage with me. I think I’ll just end up with the books in the library to keep me company.”

Sirius broke for past Remus. He knew and had read about Remus’ experience when he was taken, but they hadn’t talked much about his past love life. To think that Remus ever thought of himself as unlovable was heart wrenching. His eyes rolled back into his head indicating he was asleep once again.

“Now you have me to keep you company while you read.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the fluff after a few intense chapters.


	58. More Memoirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group continues to deal with Remus waking up in different states of memory and consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama filled chapters coming up. Be warned ;)

When Sirius got sick of having to bribe the nurses for extra time after visiting hours, he applied for a transfer to a private facility that had experience treating trauma patients into recovery. It had an actual bed and more comfortable options for guests. Most importantly, it had no restrictions on visiting hours.

The first time Remus woke up in the rehabilitation room, he was noticeably calmer than before. He, as always recognized Lily, and started to try and place where he was. When he noticed Sirius, he seemed to be able to identify him.

“You’re the artist flower guy gave us tickets to see tonight.”

Sirius became elated instantaneously. “I am. You actually did come to my show. You’ve had some memory loss. We’re friends now.” At the opposition of Sirius, Lily had recommended that any type of mention of his relationship with Remus as more than friends be secret if Remus couldn’t remember it. Sirius had only agreed because the one time he had tried, it had sent his other half into a panicking spiral and the doctors had to sedate him.

“You’re too hot to be friends with someone like me.”

 ** _There was the lack of inhibitions the doctor talked about._** Remus had occasionally spoken without a filter, but never about Sirius. “I can guarantee you, that I am not.” Sirius itched to take his hand and hold it. He hadn’t been able to physically love him with his injuries and worries that if he woke, he would be frightened.

“I think I’ve had a dream about you.”

“Really what was it about?”

“We were at a wedding.” Remus looked intensely puzzled. “I remember a black bear getting married, but you were there too. Is that right?”

Sirius started to laugh for the first time in days. Remus’ memories and brain signals were giving him some weird visuals. “My cousin got married. I took you with me.”

“That’s right I remember now.” Remus’ face was scrunched in concentration. “You kissed me in the car. Is that right?”

Tears formed and fell across Sirius’ face. “I did.”

“Will you kiss me again?”

Sirius needed no further invitation. He jumped up and took Remus’ head in his hands. Muscle memory must have taken over, because Remus fell into their kiss with ease. Sirius didn’t stop until Remus pulled against Sirius’ hold.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He said as his eyes closed.

Sirius didn’t know if his heart was full or broken. It seemed to waffle between the two every minute. Remus had only been in the hospital for three days now and Sirius had felt like they had spent their whole life here.

-

Sirius only agreed to go to the meeting because Lily promised that no matter her feelings for him right now, she would text him if Remus woke up and text when he went back to sleep. Under any circumstance if Sirius was asked for, Lily was to call him immediately and Sirius would leave the venue to arrive as soon as possible.

James prayed that Sirius would be able to focus for the duration of the meeting. Luckily, Remus was awake when James had come to pick Sirius up. It was sure to put Sirius in a good mood. The meeting was in regard to opening a headquarter on the west coast and potentially overseas. Sirius being the head of the company was required to be there. It was a funny sight to see him, a man that many people coward from, changing into his suit behind the hospital curtain as to not miss a moment with Remus.

“It’s nice to see you awake Remus.”

James could tell that Remus didn’t know who he was but was trying to be polite. “Have I been sleeping long?”

The group didn’t quite know how to respond to that. Lily had tried to take it slow when Remus woke up. Knowing Remus her whole life, Remus recognized her almost all of the time and she could often place around the time in his life he was remembering. Sirius had used his boyfriend’s condition as an entertainment tool to mask his own pain. He could see the hurt behind the teasing eyes when Remus didn’t remember him. James couldn’t chastise him too much for turning it into a game. Lily didn’t appreciate his antics much. James typically tried to follow the lead of whoever talked to Remus first.

When no one spoke, James replied. “Not long. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I was having a panic attack in the mall. Is that what landed me here?”

After a few more questions, Lily determined that Remus was about three years in the past. Lily explained that he was having amnesia after a particularly bad accident. She had introduced Sirius and James as friends. There was a glare from Sirius at that one.

“We need to leave now, Lily” James refrained from kissing her on the lips and opted for a friendly forehead kiss.

“Remus, James and I will be back in a few hours.” Sirius spun in a circle, showing off his tailored suit. “How do I look?”

“It looks great.” Everyone enjoyed the blush on Remus and his lack of filter when he said. “The suit fits your ass like a glove.”

James choked back his laugh and Lily rolled her eyes. The compliment had Sirius glowing and floating out the door. “I’ll be back. I promise.

-

Her last nerve had been played by Sirius several times in the past few days. He had disappeared to who knows where when Remus got hurt and then treated his amnesia like a toy. Remus had been taken advantage of his whole life. His kind soul and need to be acceptable left him vulnerable to people manipulating him for their own amusement. James tried to play neutral in this whole ordeal which was making Lily even more mad. 

Lily found the home channel and was watching the fifth episode of ‘renovate old houses’ when Remus woke up. “Hello love. How are you feeling?”

Remus’ eyes were unfocused and roaming. “Sirius.”

“He’ll be back soon.” But before she could get the words out, he was out again.

Lily contemplating calling Sirius. He had asked for her to call him if Remus asked for him, but Remus was already asleep. There was no guarantee that next time he woke up, Sirius would be remembered. Lily knew that James had stressed how important Sirius was at this meeting. He needed to be there, or no one was going to take real intent with what was said, and the deals might not go through.

Lily sent off two texts so that Sirius’ phone would buzz twice. Evenly spaced so that Sirius could keep track of the special vibrating pattern he had set instead of checking his phone every time to read updates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. I'll give you Remus back shortly. Well...most of him.
> 
> Some of the things I experienced when I had my head trauma were:  
> -I tell the nurses how cute they looked over and over again. (I basically had no filter)  
> -Sometimes I would remember being several years younger and be waaay back in my memories.  
> -Most times, my memories would be jumbled up. I would mix things that I had read and things that actually happened together. 
> 
> I want to explore all those things with Remus. 
> 
> ALSO!!! Thank you for 5000 views, 78 subs, 197 kudos, 68 comment threads, and 64 bookmarks!   
> I thought that this story would just be for me, but I am so glad that I get to share it with all of you. You've made it so special for me. Please keep enjoying it. Let me know what you think!


	59. The Big Business Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius have their business meeting. Tensions rise when they get back to the hospital.

The daylong meeting of employees and investors trying to kiss his ass was a hell only second to Remus’ amnesia. Many of their high tier managers were in a position to promote if they were to open another headquarters, which meant that they were all trying to show off. Unexpected to even him, Sirius was proud at how well he compartmentalized during this meeting. James had taken note of several less annoying competent leaders who would be able to handle as large of a project as this. While most of the managers knew that James was making the preliminary list, now that Sirius was back from his art gallery tour, executives knew that Sirius would be making final decisions again.

Sirius appreciated the dynamics that James and he had created at work. James was the calm rational boss who was able to be charismatic. Sirius was the hard ass who demanded high expectations and wasn’t afraid of his reputation amongst employees. It benefited James, who to be frank, enjoyed his relationships within the company and had preferred to play good cop since they were teenagers. Sirius was then free to play bad cop all he wanted. He could demand an iced coffee in the middle of winter, and he’d have twelve on his desk in the next ten minutes. Being raised the way he was, not receiving love and praise was simply another Tuesday afternoon.

The dark cloud that hung over him was painfully obvious when at the end of the day, there was a catered dinner. James had told Sirius he was only obligated to stay until most people were eating or mingling. Even though his brother was perfectly available, a young director came up to him to talk about the retention program for business’.

“I just think it’s crazy that the lower level managements are paid so well. I could easily approve an extra business or two per year if their salaries were slashed. Then employees would be motivated to work additional hours. Even if they got to the same amount of salary, there would be double the manpower.”

Where this man put his audacity was unknown to Sirius. The vodka he had ' _tipped_ ' the server to slip in his cup instead of water was not helping at all. “You’re saying that if we underpaid and over worked staff, we could run a business better?”

Completely oblivious to his superior’s mood, he nodded emphatically. “It would make for some huge changes if implemented company wide.”

“Great. I’ll personally start with your salary.” Sirius threw back the rest of the contents in his cup. “Actually, I think it would be more efficient to cut you out entirely. I’ll make sure to have your immediate supervisor give you a last performance review and poll your underlings to make sure that none of your crappy business ideas are ruining my company too.”

The unnamed man was stunned into paralysis. Sirius didn’t care. He found James and demanded they leave immediately. Only at the last moment remembering to point out the horrible man.

-

Sirius was drunk. James didn’t know how because he had explicitly told the staff not to serve any alcohol to his anger prone, deeply hurting brother. The manger had assured that it wouldn’t be an offered beverage on the order list at all.

“How did you even get the alcohol in the first place?”

Giggles just came from the backseat where Sirius was slumped over trying to lay down, but his seatbelt kept him half up. “Almost anyone can be bargained with for a thousand dollars cash.”

James almost crashed the car. “Who the hell has a thousand dollars cash on them?”

“I had it from bribing the nurses at the last hospital.”

It was at this moment that he decided to call Stephanie and put a withdraw limit on the cards Sirius used. “I told the wait staff **not** to serve alcohol. I even clearly pointed you out.”

“I know! That’s why it took a thousand dollars you ass. I had to promise I’d take the heat if we were caught too.”

James was livid. Sirius tended to fall into unhealthy coping if stress remained unresolved in his life for too long. To be truthful, if Remus didn’t get better soon, James was worried for Sirius’ long-term sanity.

-

Sirius splashed his face with cold water. It would do the trick for now. Walking back in, Lily was recounting what the doctors had said after their evaluation. They were supposed to come tomorrow while Sirius was there, but it seemed like they came today instead. The evaluation was supposed to tell them if Remus’ head trauma was getting better on it’s own, or if they recommended brain surgery.

“His memory seems to be improving and he’s waking up more frequently. They said it should be a few days before he’s better regulated. We should even see him wake up around the same times hopefully.” Lily seemed to be unburdened with this news. “Sirius isn’t that just great.”

Sirius grunted. Seeing Remus attached to tubes wasn’t his definition of great. Wading ankle deep in the lake saying ‘I love you’ was great. Seeing Remus talk with Reg was great. Getting takeout at three am because Remus had spent the night reviewing his masters thesis was great. This was just a bit better than heart crushing.

The nursed in the room changing his iv-bag tried to smile. “Doctors said he’s quite the fighter.”

Lily also tried to swing his mood by adding. “For a moment he woke up and said your name. Isn’t that good news?”

All of the air suddenly left the room. James sensing this stood a bit closer to Lily but keeping his eyes on Sirius. “I didn’t get your call.”

“He fell back asleep before I could even pull my phone out. I didn’t think it was worth ruining your meeting for.”

Sirius’ fury came off in waves almost perceivable to human eyes. No one dared to move and draw the ire of the beast who wanted to be unleased.

“You really think I gave a damn about the meeting? You think that I wouldn’t have left the second I got that call?”

“I’m sorry Sirius. I can understand how hard this must be.” Lily paused, rubbing her hand together. “Remus fell asleep _while_ saying your name.”

James tried to pitch in. “It was really good to have you there all day. Not being there would have sent the wrong message.”

The beast broke his chains. “There is no fuck that I have to give for that business right now. I would burn every bit of it to the ground to have him back.” Sirius kicked into the wall leaving a hole in the drywall. After a long moment of silence between the group Sirius turned to the nurse. “Could you escort the Potters out? I’ll need to remove them from the approved guest list as well.”

“Come on. Lily apologized, but she also had her reasons. We want to be here for you.”

“Stop taking her side! This is my soulmate laying here. She wants to act like being his friend gives her the right to make the decisions on how things should be handled. If this were you, she wouldn’t want to sit back and listen to how she was just a friend to you. She wouldn’t take any shit from someone telling her not to hold your hand while you slept.” Before he could stop them, tears fell. “I went from kissing him every time I saw him to _once_ in the last four days, he’s remembered me only a handful of times, and you’re here comforting _her_.”

James seemed to have more to say, but Sirius couldn’t anymore from him. “Get them out!”

The nurse was still frozen in the corner afraid to intervene.

“Lily come on. Grab your bag.”

Lily tried to protest. “I’m not leaving James. I can’t…”

“Lily don’t make the nurse get in the middle of this.” James glanced back up to Sirius. Sirius expected anger, but all he saw was pity. “We will stay in town until you leave. Even with all this, you can still call me when you need me. Don’t let the little voice in your head tell you I won’t come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little angsty. I promise to make up for it in fluff...soon. ;)
> 
> Thank you all for reading.


	60. Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James talks with Lily on their ride home. An unexpected guest arrives at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note. This is Sirius' point of view for the majority of it. Even if someone is in the right, trauma can cause a response where they blame themselves. Beat themselves up even if its unearned. I love Sirius and promise to give him happiness to make up for it.

James was worried with the silence Lily continues down the hall and to the car. She was staring out the window at the passing traffic. He had no idea the mood that she was in. **_Was she mad about him taking Sirius’ side? Was she sad that he didn’t fight harder for Lily to stay with her best friend?_**

“I thought that Sirius had been mad at me.” Lily sighed.

That was incredibly random. There was no doubt in James mind that in the moment of kicking them out, it was in the top five moments of Sirius’ wrath. That was a lot knowing that Sirius grew up in a hell hole house and needed therapy for years after. James sat hoping that Lily would elaborate before he spoke up and said the wrong thing.

“When we tried to pull a joke on him and got him spicier food than what he asked for. Then I thought it was as mad as he would get when he felt abandoned on our wedding day.” Lily’s voice broke. “I know I messed up. I just was so scared. I get that I was selfish, but Remus had been in so many uncontrollable situations. He’s never had anyone else to rely on for consistency.” James grabbed her hand and encouraged her to continue. “Remus got kidnapped. He had a falling out with his dad when his dad lost his job. He got arrested falsely for the first time when he was seventeen. His dad died and Remus still loved him despite all his flaws. He came out to his mom and she disapproved. He never kept a relationship for long before they would leave him for a completely uncontrollable reason.” He guessed it was because Remus didn’t talk much about his past, but lots of this information was news to James. It surprised him most when Lily started to talk about things she had done to Remus. “I left him. After my parents died, I went to Severus for comfort. I said some pretty nasty things to Remus when he called out all the red flags I wasn't willing to see.” Sobs wracked her body. “I just wanted to make sure no one could hurt him again. Now I’ve pushed so hard that I drove myself out.”

“Lily he’ll come down eventually. This type of rage has happened before. I think I have an idea. It just might take some time.”

-

_Day Seven_

Seven days since one meeting, one missed call, one horrible mistake had caused him a world of pain. Remus woke up for a moment but didn’t recognize him. Sirius had to call in for all meals because he couldn’t bare to leave the room. Scared that any moment Remus would wake up and ask for him.

_Day Eight_

Remus had started waking up at more consistent times. The nurse told him it was a good sign that he was waking up from outside stimulus. Sirius would be happy when he could stay awake for more than thirty minutes at a time.

_Day Nine_

“Sir, there is someone here who’s insistent on seeing you.”

Sirius was broken. He hadn’t eaten in a day or slept well since James left. His nerves were chewed raw and on edge.

“I’ll go see them.” The nurse looked at him with a bit of fear. Her look made Sirius’ stomach drop. He imagined that’s how he looked at his biological parents when he was afraid they'd punish him. Sirius would try to counterbalance that. “Thank you for everything. You’ve been more than accommodating.”

Sirius hoped it was James. He knew that James had told him to call, but Sirius had verbally attacked him and his soulmate. Sirius needed to control his fuse better. Make sure it didn’t get too short.

It wasn’t James in the lobby though, it was Euphemia. Broken, hungry, and touch starved, Sirius fell to his knees. He wouldn’t be able to take it if Euphemia was angry at him. He would beg, if he had to, for her not to disown him. She had taught them the sacredness of family bonds and to treat soulmates with reverence. He had ruined all that. He had let his soulmate get injured, yelled at his brother, and disrespected Lily’s relationship with Remus.

From his position on the ground, a felt a hand in his hair. “Oh Sirius, please get up.” Euphemia was gentle. It felt like the calm before the storm. When he didn’t look at her, she gently took his face and forced eye contact. “My poor boy. When was the last time you slept?”

“I have tried my best, I promise.”

“Tell me about it.”

It surprised him that she didn't know all the horrid details. “James didn’t call you?”

Euphemia smiled softly and combed through his hair. “He did. Told me that my son needed me.”

James had told her. Probably wanted her to come yell at him in person so he couldn’t ignore another call from his family. “I’ll apologize. I promise. I’ll call him right now and tell him how wrong I was.” Sirius pleaded. “Just don’t leave me without another family. I’ll do a cleansing ritual. You choose what I need to do, and I’ll do it. No questions.”

“I love you. There’s no need to cleanse. Family forgives, none of those crazy rituals needed.” She made sure to hold his face a bit tighter. “James said my other boy needed me. He said that you could use a parent. That’s all he said.” Euphemia looked back towards the patient rooms. “Well, he also told me about Remus.”

“Would you like to come and see him?” Sirius checked his watch for the time. “He usually wakes up around this time. You might be able to talk with him. He might not remember you, but he’s still super kind whenever he wakes up.” At the thought, Sirius couldn’t hold back a laugh. “My Remus, the people pleaser. Making everyone feel comfortable.”

Euphemia was kind enough to wait until they were in the privacy of their own suite to elaborate on why she knew. “James may have told me you’ve been under a lot of pressure and… let off some steam towards him.”

“I did. It was…”

Sirius didn’t get to elaborate more because Remus woke up. “Where am I?”

 ** _What would Lily do? Calm. Take it slow Sirius._** “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Remus unexpectedly got an angry expression on his face. “You left to go to your 'meeting'.”

Relief flooded Sirius. He remembered. “Yes, I did go out for a meeting. That’s amazing you can remember.”

“It must be for you. You couldn’t quite remember either, because you also said it was just a shopping trip. Before that you said it was an interview for a magazine.” Sirius was embarrassed he hadn’t been consistent in his story. “I guess it _is_ amazing too you that I can remember so clearly what is going on.”

“Please Remus, don’t be mad.” Sirius had wanted Remus to remember him so bad. Not like this though. “It’s amazing because you got into an accident. You’ve been out for a few days. You haven’t remembered me for a while.”

“Was your ‘meeting’ with Stephanie?”

 ** _Where the fuck had that come from?_** “No. Why would you think that?”

“Who have you been messing around with behind my back?”

Sirius looked over to Euphemia. She had taught him that cheating was a coward’s move. He hoped that she would believe him when he said he hadn’t cheated on Remus, even if he sounded so insistent. “I have not been messing around with anyone. What gave you that impression?” Through his scowl, Remus yawned. Sirius knew this was a clear sign that Remus would soon fall asleep. “No, no. Don’t close your eyes. Tell me why you think I would want to be with anyone else when I have the perfect man here in front of me?”

“You’ve been distant since I brought Reg home.”

“Please. Just trust me when I say that nothing like that is going on.” Sirius implored. “I can only tell you that it will be a movie moment.” Sirius couldn't stop the smile that spread on his face. The thought of proposing to Remus had seemed like an impossibility with the never ending amnesia.

Remus' eyes fluttered closed. Sirius could tell that he was straining to keep them open. “You promise not to break my heart?”

Sirius smiled. “Never have I held anything more sacred in my hands. I will keep it as my greatest gift forever and always.”

“Ok.” Remus relented.

With that, Remus was asleep again. Sirius hoped that Remus being ‘caught up’ was the end of his amnesia troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus is back...mostly...
> 
> A questionnaire. Would you like to see more of Sirius' family? I have some ideas but want to know if you'd rather see some fluff or some angst coming up soon.


	61. Hospital Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Euphemia's view on her visit to Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little fluff, little backstory this chapter. I already had this one half written. I solemnly swear that I will have two chapters of fluff after this. Making up, cutesy stuff to sweeten up all the dark and bitter.

Euphemia was worried when James had texted her that Remus got hurt and their trip might last longer than anticipated. She took no concern to rescheduling family dinner. He kept her updated each night with a short text. Simply letting her know that everyone was fed and doing their best. It did concern her when James called her a few days into their trip and sounded so small and defeated.

“Mom. Sirius…well…it happened again. He was under too much stress and snapped. Now he doesn’t want us anywhere near him.”

“James. What happened? I thought things were turning around.”

“They were better.” James sounded so confused. They had always given James a stable home and the tools to take on any challenge, but Sirius had grown in weeds. No one to give him security or safety. Euphemia had always worried about Sirius when things got strenuous because he sought to fight the storm instead of seeking shelter. “He really needs you mom. I’ve never seen him so broken. Not even when he left for college.”

“I’ll be there first thing then love.”

-

The nurse looked hesitant to inform Sirius that she was here. She would bet her last dollar that her boy had gone frigid on her. Euphemia tried to be soft and comforting, but knew that without a pressing reason, that girl would never go back into that room. She however, went to retrieve him.

Sirius upon seeing her fell to the ground on his knees. Euphemia would have thought he had fainted if it wasn’t for the soft sobs coming from him. All she could see was that same sixteen-year-old who showed up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. Broken, abused by the world, and helpless to change it.

She started to comb her fingers through his hair like she would on nights he would have nightmares. Those nights she would sit wake from her bed and hear the boy screaming in his room. Quickly she would run down to the couch and wait for him to get something to drink. ‘Come lay on my lap’ she would say when he spotted her. Slowly, she would stoke his hair or hum a tune. He would fall back to sleep and the two would lay on the couch ‘til morning.

“Oh Sirius, please get up.” Euphemia pleaded. Taking his face in hers she looked into his tear-filled eyes. “My poor boy. When was the last time you slept?”

As if trying to comfort her he responded. “I have tried my best, I promise.”

“Tell me about it.”

“James didn’t call you?”

Euphemia continued to rub his head. “He did. Told me that my son needed me.”

Her poor son looked guilt-ridden “I’ll apologize. I promise. I’ll call him right now and tell him how wrong I was.” Sirius spoke faster and faster. “Just don’t leave me without another family. I’ll do a cleansing ritual. You choose what I need to do, and I’ll do it. No questions.”

Her stomach squeezed. Sirius one night after a screaming match with Charles had come downstairs and offered the same thing. After her and Charles had expressed that they didn’t know what Sirius was trying to offer, Sirius explained. The cleansing ritual was offered to those who had gravely sinned. It was offered usually in place of disownment. If one couldn’t complete it, they would be removed from the family. The horror must not have been clear on their face, because he also went on to explain that most often it was some form of pain or grievous task. He showed the knife wound that ran on both sides of his hand.

Her boy had thought that he had done something so wrong as to lose their love. It broke her heart. “I love you. There’s no need to cleanse. Family forgives, none of those crazy rituals needed.” She made sure to hold his face a bit tighter. “James said my other boy needed me. He said that you could use a parent. That’s all he said.” Euphemia looked back towards the patient rooms. “Well, he also told me about Remus.”

Sirius smiled. “Would you like to come and see him?”


	62. Back Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff fluff

Sirius ended up telling Euphemia about the proposal only after leaving the room and swearing her to secrecy. She looked…proud. Sirius felt embarrassed, but Euphemia ensured that she thought Remus was delightful and would have no reason say no.

It was nice to have her here. She let him talk about all his fears without rationalizing them. Allowed him to vocalize his thoughts and became his sounding board. Most surprising to him, she hadn’t once yelled or gotten angry. Euphemia only half scolded him to ignore that voice in his head, just like James had told him, and call for help when he needed it.

Sirius wasn’t ready to face James yet. There were still feelings he didn’t have a name for and words he knew he’d regret saying while those unnamed feelings were fresh.

Remus now was awake more than he was asleep. Every so often, he’s eyes would glaze over, and he’d freeze almost like a computer. He was functional though. The best news of all this was that he hadn’t forgotten Sirius in several hours.

-

Remus was nowhere close to being released, so they spent their time watching cheesy day time television. “Sirius, would you help me with something?”

Sirius had finished his chicken from his Chinese takeout. Remus had begged him to order it, even if he couldn’t eat it just to enjoy the smell. “Anything for you love.”

“I need you to shave my face.”

Sirius was a little relieved. Remus’ patchy beard while endearing, was not very flattering to his face. It was also weird to kiss. It had grown out unchecked while Remus had been sleeping. Lily had insisted no one go near him with a razor when he could wake up at any moment unsure of where he was. That was one thing they had agreed on. “They only have those plastic ones. Not one like you have. I’d have to run out and grab one.”

“Would James be able to bring one next time they come by?”

Sirius flushed with shame. “I haven’t been completely honest on why they haven’t been by.” Remus waited to Sirius to continue. “I kicked them out a few days ago when I was stressed. I said some things and I don’t know if they’ll want to come back.”

Remus took his hand. “Call him and ask him to bring a similar razor as to what we have at home. Lily should be able to help him find it if he doesn’t remember.”

“What if he doesn’t want to…bring the razor?”

Remus contemplated for a moment. “I think James understands how important… a razor is. He would always come if you called. Even just for a razor.”

-

After Euphemia had called to say she had visited the hospital, James sat by his phone just waiting for the call. It didn’t come that night and James had been disappointed. Once he did call, James came running at the chance to visit. His hair was a mess, his shirt inside out, and he was breathless. “I couldn’t find… the exact brand… so I just… got them all.” Lily had told him that the first one would do, but James had wanted to make absolutely sure. Make sure that Sirius didn’t ask him to leave if it wasn’t the right one.

Remus laughed. “I’m sure you kept the receipt just in case I don't need fourt razors.” Lily stood by the door, hesitant to come in at all. She didn’t want to overstep again.

“It’s so nice to see you awake and able to carry out a conversation.” James was indeed excited. Bouncing up and down so much on the way here, she had to drive. It was much like a child who had just gotten a puppy. Lily thought that if she were to get him a dog, he’d explode.

To Lily’s surprise, Sirius addressed her directly. “Why don’t you come choose a show while I shave Remus. His hand is still too shaky to do it himself.” Remus had still yet to gain full function of his own body. Brain connections were still reforming to help him move on his own.

Lily changed the channel once or twice, finding a cooking show they might all enjoy. Hopefully something that could distract Remus if he got anxious. Once Sirius started shaving Remus, she was too captivated with the sight to enjoy the show. Sirius had gotten a warm towel and soap to help get a smoother shave. There was a sensitivity and softness to how Sirius ran the cloth over Remus' face. He inched closer than was necessary to Remus’ face. Remus closed his eyes with Sirius’ touch and the warm towel. When the sound of the razor turned on, Lily expected Remus to panic as he sometimes did. His brow furrowed and Lily went to stand to help out. Instead of panic, there was simply a soft hum. So soft, she couldn’t tell who it was coming from.

“What can I do to make it better?” She heard Sirius whisper.

Lily tried to train her face towards the tv giving them the illusion she wasn't intensely watching every move they made. 

“Could you put your other hand under my head?”

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Sirius slowly lift Remus’ head with his hand and slide it underneath. His hand holding his neck and thumb right behind Remus' ear. The shave was quick. Lily was impressed with his talent. Even after it was done, Sirius kept his face close to Remus through the rest of the afternoon.

-

The whole gang had fallen asleep to the sounds of cable television but Lily was woken up to a strong kick in her abdomen late into the night. This had been more frequent now that the twins were stretching out more. Before she could turn over and fall back asleep, James was in her ear. “Lily, I felt it that time!"

Lily hummed. "That's amazing darling."

"Was that Harry or Charles?”

Lily laughed. “Darling, do you think I can tell the difference?”

James played with his glasses until they sat on his face straight. “The doctor said you might be able to with their positions and all.”

“After I wake up, it’s hard to tell because they’re in a different position then what I left them in.”

James started to feel around her belly a bit. “You’ve said that Harry is usually towards the bottom.” James pushed on the outline of Harry. “Charles is usually on the top.” Mimicking the gesture for Charles. “I felt the kick here so…it must have been Charles.”

With another nudge from James, Charles kicked back. “Did you feel that?” Lily brushed his hand with her own.

“I can always feel it.”

“He knows I’m here.”

Lily was delighted that James found the new game entertaining. “You shouldn’t be surprised, he’s smart just like his father.” James pressed her belly for the next hour. It felt like a massage at first, but quickly turned into a tag team game of ‘keep mom awake’. “He’s a troublemaker like his father too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff as promised coming. Anything you want to see in particular?


	63. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is healing and everyone gets a bit of serotonin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't think of more chapter names...sorry.

“Happy tube removal day.” Lily came into the room, arms filled with takeout bags as requested.

Remus was excited. Today was the day. The tubes that confined him to this bed were driving him insane. Even for him, being inside for this long was taxing on his sanity. He refrained from saying anything negative about it for the sake of the little sanity Sirius had left.

The last few weeks had been so cloudy. A few days ago, he had woken up in a room that didn’t quite look like the hotel he fell asleep in. Sirius was there in a completely different outfit than what he left in. It had burned Remus’ blood. He had thought Sirius was rubbing his secret affair in his face, but Sirius had explained he was in an accident and promised that the secret he was holding in would result in a movie moment. He had promised not to break his heart. Remus even after the last week of heart ache, he believed him.

When Remus had been able to stay awake on his own for a longer period of time, Remus explained what he remembered of his outing. Sirius had said nothing more than that the problem was taken care of. Remus had to push to confirm that the shop hand was still alive.

Sirius broke into the box of cookies first. “Nurse said she would be by in fifteen. We can’t be in the room.” Sirius grumbled. He had been clinging to Remus more with each passing day. Remus enjoyed it. He often felt like Sirius held back due to the way he was raised. Some invisible force always telling him to be proper. Remus had gotten a front row seat to a proper showdown. Sirius pulled out every CEO trick in the book. After the pleading and bribing, the nurse still stood firm.

“Sirius, I don’t know if you want to be here. The nurse has protocols for outpatient procedures.” Lily was hesitant. Remus could see her holding back more, trying to find the boundaries of being a supporting role. Remus had seen both points of view of the situation when it was explained to him. Lily had over stepped, but only because she had seen Sirius falling apart. “Pulling out the tubes can be painful. It can be hard to watch.”

The nurse pulled in her medical cart ending the conversation. “Are you ready for your freedom Mr. Lupin?”

Remus couldn’t nod, but he hoped his smile conveyed it all. “Absolutely.” He tried to raise his hand to catch Sirius’, but his muscles wouldn’t obey. Sirius was holding his face and kissing him softly before he could reassure Sirius that it would all be fine. Remus didn’t think telling him that Remus had done this before and was prepared for the pain. Sirius wouldn’t understand that Remus was willing to take the pain to move on in the healing process.

Pulling back, Sirius had anxiety in his eyes. “I’ll see you in no time.” Sirius croaked.

Before he could turn the corner around the door, Remus got up the courage to ask Sirius for a favor. “Promise you’ll come back with a wheelchair to take me outside?”

Sirius smiled “I promise we’ll go outside soon.”

-

Sirius whistled down the hall pushing James in the wheelchair. Remus was self-sacrificing and self-reliant to a fault. Remus would rarely ask for what he wanted, and it was pulling teeth to get him to ask for what he needed.

As much as neither of them _wanted_ Remus to be incapacitated, Sirius was enjoying being relied on. He would also bet that Remus was learning to enjoy being taken care of. Sirius had shaved Remus, held his book while he read, and rubbed his sore muscles.

“Manservant go faster!” James cried out.

“Yes, my lord.”

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes at the antics. “Don’t you think your presently pregnant wife should be the one being wheeled down the hall?”

“I called shot gun faster than you.” James argued. “Besides, the doctor said that walking was good for you.”

“Now you know that Remus doesn’t need to call shot gun to have priority, right?”

James was attempting to squat in the chair. “Take me around the hospital loop one more time and I’ll give up my seat willingly.”

“Another it is then.”

-

Lily couldn’t handle walking another loop. The nurse should be done with the procedure and knew that Remus would want some quiet comfort after. Cankles were horrible and with growing two additional humans, life was hard enough.

Remus was staring at the ceiling, tears down his face. It was hard to see Remus so helpless, especially when he pushed so hard to be independent. He had regained most movement in his neck, able to look side to side on his own. Other parts of his body were inconsistent in working and lacked strength when they did.

“Remus.” She was only acknowledged when his head lulled to look at her. “Would you like me to lay with you?”

“Yeah.” His throat sounded like sandpaper. Lily tried her best to position the two of them best with her belly. Immediately when her boys felt the outside pressure of another person, started pushing back. Remus’ fingers started to twitch.

“I know you’re sore, so don’t speak. Just blink if you want me to move your hand to feel them better.” Remus blinked rapidly. Lily moved his hands softly, making sure not to twist his hands painfully. The two friends laid for a while in silence. She slowly started at his hands, moving up to his face, touching the scars she used to rub when nightmares plagued him. They hadn’t done this in a long time. Just the two of them, being intimate. Lily let herself think of all the worst-case scenarios that could have happened over the past two weeks. It brought a crushing sense of dread mixed with the relief that none of it actually happened. “I missed you so much Remus.”

Remus turned his head to kiss her palm and hummed in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at 6000 views! Thank you to everyone. I'm trying to make sure that each comment is read and all bookmarks are appreciated. Coming up... more with the other friends, Regulus and the potters, some black family drama, some fluff, some angst, some sour steam.... get ready... let me know what else you wanna see.


	64. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus head home and have a conversation about sex...

Remus was free after three weeks of hospitalization and was set to return home. So much had changed in the last weeks. He had sadly resigned from the bookstore a few days ago. Remus had thanked the shop owner for being so accommodating, but to hire a permanent replacement instead of a temporary. He didn’t need the job anymore and knew he had been putting a strain on them with his schedule changing so drastically. Now on top of this new development, Remus wouldn’t be able to work for several more weeks. The owners had been so kind and had wished him the best of luck.

At least he would have his master’s degree in the spring. The school had been able to modify his schedule so that all fall classes were dropped, and spring semester was doubled. Most of the work was his internship with the publishing company anyway.

Sirius had told him that Remus should just drop out and be his ‘sugar baby’. James had been racked with incurable giggles when he offered. Remus had laughed it off, but deep down knew that his offer was not a joke. Remus knew that Sirius was able to give him a cushy life, but Remus wanted to work for himself.

His soulmate was currently flipping through a gossip magazine waiting for their plane to depart, upset that Remus declined a private flight home. “Did you know that according to my Thanksgiving meal preferences, my favorite sex position is reverse cowgirl?”

Remus was genuinely curious. “Was it right?”

“I mean…it’s in the top ten.” Sirius was red.

 ** _Was Sirius embarrassed at the thought of sex?_** “What are the others?”

They hadn’t said anything of sex since they first started being ‘friends’. They hadn’t seen each other naked or talked about serious past relationships. Remus realized he didn’t know if Sirius even had any past relationships, he just always assumed.

“I mean it’s always nice to…I guess you could say…I don’t know if…” The stutter was adorable to see on a man that usually had such an air of confidence around him. He leaned into Remus’ ear. “Have you ever heard of dominant and submissive relationships?”

Remus felt a certain way. A way he hadn’t felt in a long time. A pull below the belt that made him excited. “I have.”

Sirius pulled back to look at Remus. He seemed surprised. **_Did Sirius think that Remus had lived a celibate life?_** It wouldn’t have been the first time someone assumed something similar. Remus suddenly became worried. “Do you think we’d be compatible?”

His soulmate looked him over. “I’ll always think we’re compatible.”

Remus hoped that their bedroom preferences wouldn’t clash. Remus had always enjoyed taking a more submissive role in the bedroom and he had learned that two submissives tend to have very little heat between them. Whereas two dominants could find enjoyment in fighting over power and switches could often fill in their partners lacking.

“What do you prefer?”

Sirius got nervous. Remus attempted to comfort him with as much as he could with his shaky hand. Instead of a slow stroke it was a burst of choppy pats. “I want an equal relationship.”

Remus smiled. “Just tell me.”

Sirius could no longer look at him and found great fascination in the airport carpet. “I enjoy taking initiative.” He managed to meet his eyes for a moment. “Is that a problem?”

“As always you’re my other half.”

The two men sat with grins as wide as the Grand Canyon waiting to head to their home.

-

The airline required the wheelchair to be left right outside the airplane for storage while they flew. This meant that Sirius needed to carry Remus onto the plane. He was going to pick him up bridal before an insistent boyfriend practically pushed himself out of his arms. After that Sirius threw Remus’ arm around his shoulders and grabbed his waist. The two walked extremely slowly to board. Sirius was grateful they had booked first class tickets. Remus had insisted that the medical bills would be too much already and had made some argument about the environment. He had countered that Remus was more important then the environment. It had made Sirius giddy when Remus had said ‘what kind of world we will be leaving for the children?’. It was vague but he could almost bet that Remus was thinking about their own children as he said it. The long plane ride allowed Sirius plenty of time to dream of it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised fluff...hopefully its quality fluff. Some more family fluff coming up as in the story timeline it's almost thanksgiving. Who would you like to see show up at the potters?


	65. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus take a shower...together. NO SEX! There is a description of scars that might be disturbing to some.

Remus kept huffing in the corner every time he tried to turn the page and his hands wouldn’t cooperate. Sirius was trying to give him space. Pretending to be engrossed in his painting and not constantly looking over to make sure that he was ok. The first few times that Sirius came to turn the page for him, he thought that Remus was going to bit him like a rabid dog.

“I’m going to grab something from the kitchen. Do you need anything else?”

Remus dropped his book to the ground. “I should be able to turn a page to a book by myself. I finally am able to stand on my own and my arms stop working again.”

Sirius gave a small smile. “By Thanksgiving I’m sure you’ll be able to do both. All it’s going to take is time.” Angry growls came from the couch in which Remus had thrown himself into a laying position. “What about a bath?”

This was apparently the wrong thing to say when Remus turned his head from his position to glare at him. “I don’t want to take a bath. I want to take a shower again.”

“You can stand on your own. Why can’t you? The stitches are out. I could stand right outside to make sure if anything happens, I’ll be right there.”

His love’s whole face softened and then turned a delicious shade of pink. “What if you were in there to make sure I didn’t fall?”

Sirius felt like the Cheshire cat. He was trying desperately to not let the smile spread over his face. Now was time for a bit of teasing. “I can sit on the counter to get there faster.”

“I…I meant…well we can shower…together.” Remus stuttered.

-

Sirius was laying on the bed in heaven, his hair soaking the pillow beneath his head. Remus was trying to button his shirt and Sirius was giving him room to feel independent. The experience of increasing the intimacy between them had been much anticipated but had overwhelmed Remus more than he was willing to admit. Remus originally declined taking off his shirt, choosing to soak half clothed. Sirius had opted to continue to wear his boxers to make Remus feel more comfortable. The clothes got too heavy for Remus to lift himself to get the soap under. Sirius had told Remus to just take off his shirt. It was only after imploring multiple times not to look at him differently afterwards, that Remus relented.

It was worse than he could have imagined. With all of the mystery around his scars, Sirius had always imagined that there would be a nasty scar or two. He was entirely wrong. There were small red puckered scars from the glass that he had been expecting, but the rest were awful. These were not individual scars, but such a large collection that it changed the texture of his skin. Sirius was going to reach to touch them, but it was clear with the expression on Remus’ face that he didn’t want that.

So they stood there. Staring at one another.

“I won’t be able to stand much longer.” Remus informed him.

“I could hold you up.” Sirius offered.

Remus immediately fell into his arms. Both drenched in their underwear. The full weight of Remus was now Sirius’ responsibility. Tentatively, Sirius ran his hands up and down Remus’ back. Remus tensed up as much as he could with the limited control of his muscles he had.

Comfort was Sirius’ first response. “I love you. It’s ok, just relax.”

Remus sobbed uncontrollably. The water turned cold and the shaking from sobs slowly turned to shaking from simply the cold. “I’ve never _let_ anyone touch my back before…not since then.”

Sirius helped Remus into all of his clothes before lowering him into the wheelchair. To make sure nothing touched his chest, Sirius left Remus to button the shirt himself. When Remus finally moved himself out of the closet, he went back to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It was painful to listen to Remus struggle, but Sirius let him have his space. The rest of the evening was spent in total silence, almost touching one another while laying in bed. 

-

Remus wondered what Sirius was thinking. He hadn’t said a word about the scars. When he went to dress, he had specifically chosen a button down to allow Sirius a better look or an accidental touch. He had instead allowed Remus his space and given him room to process through his emotions. This had been a moment Remus dreaded to experience, yet it had been one of the moments he felt the most loved. He wondered what else he was dreading that would turn out to be an amazing experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet before some thanksgiving chapters between the characters...


	66. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 1 ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thanksgiving 'arch' is going to be the next 8 or so chapters. Contains drama and fluff. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving came around and the Potter’s had sent out several invitations for their large lunch gathering. Marlene and Dorcas were in Michigan with their family. Gideon, Fabian, and their other brother were celebrating their sister’s newest baby boy. Kingsley wanted to come, but they felt like he was intruding. With prodding form Euphemia, the whole friend group promised to make up for it by coming for Christmas Eve.

Andromeda and the Longbottoms had happily agreed to change their plans and come to the estate. Sirius had been a bundle of nerves in meeting his in-laws. There had been one night, Sirius had been adamantly opposed to it. Remus prodded at Sirius until he blurted out repressed anger that Sirius didn’t even know he had. Things like ‘why the Longbottoms didn’t come for him’, ‘why not offer a safe space for him too’, and ‘why didn’t they encourage Regulus to go back for him’. The entire night was full of tears. It was cathartic. As the anger faded, all the nerves came crashing down.

Upon learning that Regulus would be there too, Andromeda quickly agreed. She was happy not to cook with a newborn and so relieved to know that Reg had landed out of the Black family safely. This would be the first time in almost ten years that Sirius would have blood family at a holiday celebration.

The day had come like molasses. The couple arrived at the estate hours earlier than Euphemia anticipated. Sirius spent his time pacing from the front door to the kitchen. Remus was stubbornly and unsuccessfully trying to help anyone who would let him.

From the waist up Remus was now at eighty percent. It was uncommon over the last week for Remus’ arms to not obey him. His legs however, disobeyed him often. He could stand for around twenty minutes on his own but couldn’t walk on his own. He would turn the wrong way or just be able to move one foot. Sirius had fallen on the floor laughing after Remus had insisted he was fine only to shortly after trip on his own unmoving foot. Unsurprisingly, Remus was not as amused by the even as Sirius. To avoid this happening again, Remus had happily brought his wheelchair to the Potter’s.

“Boy if you don’t put down that dish, I’ll have to smack your hand with a spoon.” Euphemia yelled towards Remus who was trying to grab a potato dish he couldn’t quite reach from the counter. “I swear I’d rather deal with James in the kitchen. I’ve told you; you can help by making sure when guests arrive, they’re shown in as soon as possible.” She pointed her wooden spoon at Sirius. “Take him to the front room and busy yourselves.” She commanded.

Remus grumbled to himself as he pushed Sirius away before he could grab the back of the wheelchair to assist. “I’ll push myself.”

-

Andromeda was the first to arrive. “I know you said noon, but I was just so excited. Reg has been so busy; this will be the first time we see each other in-person again.”

Ted had a bundled baby in his arms that was sleeping soundly. “We appreciate the invite. My mother had the flu and we couldn’t risk getting little Dora sick.”

Sirius peered into the bundle and for the first time, thinking of holding this baby didn’t scare the lights out of him. The baby seemed so fragile. Usually Sirius felt like if the baby was passed to him, he would break it somehow. Now, he knew that if he were to hold her, he would do anything to protect this frail little life.

“Andromeda it’s so nice to see you again.” Remus reached up to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

“Remus I am so glad you are ok.” She looked as though she wanted to say more, but everyone knew that it would have just made Remus uncomfortable.

Andromeda grabbed Sirius’ arm. “I really need to talk with you. I need to let you know…”

There was no time for her to continue to sentence as more cars pulled into the driveway. **_Regulus was here._** “Let’s go see Reg first.”

Andromeda glanced at her watch and nervously looked up. “I don’t think we have time. Please just hear me out.”

Sirius was too excited to wait. He jumped the railing of the steps and leapt to the familiar car. It had been a few months, but the last trip was not enough to make up for ten years. “Brother!”

Regulus pulled out his son and Oliva’s arms were full of some warm dishes presumably filled with food. “Go say hello to your uncle Sirius, Tyler.” At his father’s command, Tyler ran full speed at Sirius. He picked up his nephew and spun his around.

“I’ve missed you so much.” The toddler clung to his neck and filled a little hole that Sirius didn’t know was empty. “You’ve gotten taller I swear.”

Tyler’s attention was pulled to someone else as he wiggled down and ran for the front door. Sirius turned to his brother and pulled him in, almost swinging him around as well in excitement. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“It was quite a flight with everyone, but we’re so happy that we can be here with you too.”

The two stood and Sirius didn’t know what to do next. Oliva came to side hug him and passed her husband the dish. “Could you help Reginald to the kitchen? We thought we’d bring a little something from the bakery downtown.”

Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom got out of their car and a wave of apprehension rocked him. Sirius tried his best not to seem like he was avoiding them on purpose. The other cars were filled with their two other children Frank and Sophia, who were accompanied with spouses and children. It would be a full house at the Potter’s. The fact that so many people had pulled together to be here for him made Sirius want to cry in joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. What had been your favorite part? What wolfstar troupe would you like to see? Who do you want to see that we haven't seen yet?


	67. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 2

Reg had no chance to take in the estate and Sirius immediately pulled him up the stairs and into a room. The walls were covered in paintings and photos that had been taken of him and James. A few seemed to be from his last years of high school. There were typical college photos with him some type of alcoholic beverage in his hand. Along the wall the photos became more and more recent. Event photos and family holiday photos all leading to a collection of just him and Remus.

Sirius noticed Reg examining the photos. “Euphemia still lets me decorate my room for when I stay here. Makes sure I always have a place to go.” Sirius was digging through the top drawer of a dresser full of socks. “Found it.” He started to unfold a white pair of socks. “I really should put them in a different color or something. Make it easier to find next time.”

Out of the socks rolls a small black ring marbled with gold. It was beautiful with the inlaid diamonds covered with a coating to make the ring flat while still allowing the light to still pass through the center. “Do you think he’ll like it? I was going to propose next week. I wanted to tell you first.”

Reg had so much go through his head as Sirius presented this ring to him. “Does he want to get married?” **_Bad thing to say first._** “I mean of course it’s gorgeous and subtle. It seems perfect.”

Sirius didn’t allow for the slip up to go unnoticed. “Why wouldn’t he want to get married to me?”

Reg saw the hurt and doubt in his brother’s eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He searched for the right words. “It seems really out of the blue from what we talked about last time.”

“You said I should propose. That was the whole story you told. It’s not for me, it’s for Remus!” Sirius cried out, flopping himself onto the bed.

“Have you talked about it? Set up your expectations for what it means to be married to you? I just want to make sure you’ve thought this through. You like to dive in sometimes without thinking.”

Sirius got angry. “You said that nothing changed for you. You said that everything was fine after and it wouldn’t make a difference!”

“I did. Remus doesn’t seem to mind not being married. You seem happy how you are.”

“Is it because I’m marrying him and not some woman that things will be different?”

Sirius was hard to reason with, but if you got to heated in a conversation, he would only exacerbate the flame. “No. I meant that Oliva asked everyday and would talk about it all the time. She would cry to her mom on why we were soulmates if I wouldn’t marry her. At one point, she told me she would leave me if I didn’t propose. The only reason she didn’t leave is because we were going to have a baby together!” Reg had to breath to bring himself back down. “All I’m saying it that we had talked about marriage for a long time. Remus doesn’t seem unhappy with what you have. He may want marriage, but have you talked about it?”

“YOU SAID NOTHING WOULD CHANGE! Why would I have needed to talk to him, if nothing was going to change?” Sirius was screaming at the top of his lungs. **_Time to smother the fire._**

“Things change, but not the way you love each other. It’s how you look at problems and disagreements that change. Marriage means that you’re building a life together and not just living your life together.”

Sirius paced the small room. “What does that even mean?”

Reg handed the ring back. “Trust me when I say, I understand that you would do whatever to make Remus happy. You also need to think about you. Talking to Remus should be the first step. Don’t propose blindly. You should _know_ his answer before you ask. You should know what the expectations are before you try to do something just to please him.”

Sirius started to mirror his breathing. “Ok.”

In that moment, he could see how far his brother had come. Sirius obvious had deep seeded issues with how they were raised. He wondered how Andromeda ever convinced Sirius that her recent endeavor was a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen...there will be a proposal I promise, there's going to be some drama and fluff before we get there though. ;) Please share some love. I am currently quarantined due to my husband coming into contact with someone at work. We haven't gotten sick, but protocol is protocol in my area. 
> 
> I already have 5 more chapters written that I'll be posting after I review them.


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It was a mad house and Sirius loved it. He could hardly hear anything through the crowd. There were three children running around the kitchen trying to snatch food. Nyphadora was crying at the top of their lungs with a desperate Ted trying to calm her down. Sixteen adults didn’t sound like much when he had originally counted. All packed into the same room, called for chaos. People started to split off into different rooms to speak with a bit more peace. In the kitchen, Sirius was currently speaking with Eugene, who had a passion for watercolors. There was a relief inside him at the seeming approval of his in-law. Eugene had a garden that he painted for practice and would bird watch often from his porch. His phone was filled with pictures he had proudly taken and was now showing off.

Andromeda walked up to the pair with a tense smile. “Sirius, I need to speak with you.”

Worry filled him that Eugene would find him rude if he suddenly left. “Andy, can I catch you in just a minute?” He looked back to Eugene and smiled. “I’d love to see your tomatoes again.”

His cousin caught his arm. “Pardon me, but this is urgent.” She yanked him up and pulled him towards an empty room. When they entered, she closed the door and began to pace.

“Spit it out. I really need to impress the Longbottoms.”

“Why?” She questioned, only pausing her face rubbing for a moment. “They obviously like you and they wouldn’t have come today if they weren’t excited to see you too.”

Sirius was still trying to wrap his head around that fact. The prospect that people loved him because of who he was an odd thought. He had never had much of that growing up. For the longest time, he had only had his parents and the Potter’s as examples for parental figures. Now, it wasn’t too far off to believe that there were more good people in this world other than the Potters. People who were coming to their not-son’s long-lost brother’s found family’s home to celebrate a major holiday several states away from where they lived. “I just don’t want them to feel like it’s a waste.”

Andromeda nodded. She seemed to understand what Sirius meant. “I wanted to talk to you about _the_ religion and your thoughts on the pureblood society.”

“Andy, it was a cult, not a religion.” Sirius angrily said.

She waved her hands in defeat. “I get it. I know how you feel and where you’re coming from. Would you say that good people can live that lifestyle? Could you believe that people can change? Do you think it’s important to allow people to change?”

Dreed chilled Sirius’ entire body. “Are you going back?” There was no response. “I’ll tie you to a bedpost and not let you go until you promise to not go back. It would break Ted’s heart. Do you really want your daughter to be raised like that?”

“No, no, no. Nothing like that. I just…”

She was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. James peered into the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Remus is wanting to take a seat at the table. He won’t let me help him up, but it’s obvious that he’d like to get out of the chair.”

He glanced between his cousin who was obviously had something important to say and James. “I’ll be right back. Will that work? Remus is pretty stubborn, but he might be in pain if he’s trying to get out.”

“Hurry please.” Andromeda said with her brows furrowed. “This is extremely time sensitive.”

-

Remus was originally overwhelmed with the amount of people. Sirius had changed him and gotten him more comfortable with social situations but didn’t change his core. The Longbottom gang included: Eugene and Augusta Longbottom; Frank and Alice; Sophia, her wife Maddison, and their two girls; and Regulus (Reg as he preferred to be called), Oliva, and Tyler.

The adults were getting louder and louder to hear each other over the crazy children. Eventually Remus moved to the dining room for some peace. It would also take a while to get himself situated at the table. If he got situated at the table before lunch, he wouldn’t make a scene when everyone else came. His legs were tingling and a bit painful, so parking his chair and walking to the table was out of the question. Remus began to alternate pushing the dining chair and his wheelchair in and out, trying to find the best way to get out.

James walked in the middle of his quest, making Remus flush with embarrassment. “I don’t need help. I’ve almost got it.” His wheelchair was obviously against him as it rammed a little too hard into the table and shook the plating causing a few cups to fall over.

There was a soft smile on James face. Remus hated when he made that face. He had dubbed it his ‘knight in shining armor’ look. The one where James looked so innocent that no one could refuse him in his request. “I know you can do it.” James said. “I’m still going to offer to help you.”

“I’m fine.” Remus bumped the table again. “Fuck.”

James tried to hide his chuckle with a cough. “Please let me help you. It will make me feel better when I take your chair out for a ride after lunch.” Despite his frustration, Remus also chuckled. James had been wanting to try the ‘fancy wheelchair’ since Sirius had brought it home. When James had tried to get into it, Sirius had threatened that if he took it from Remus, Sirius would give him a reason to need the chair. “Sirius will be too distracted with Reg to do anything about it. Please ease my guilt and let me help you out of the chair at least before I steal it.”

It was tempting. Remus legs were pinched in the position the chair had him in and the pain was growing with every moment. He knew he needed the help to get out, but it still felt odd asking James. “I’ll just wait. Sirius shouldn’t be long.”

James gave him a pointed look and then left the large dining area grumbling something about getting Sirius. Remus started to go around the table to make sure that each cup was turned up. Remus noticed something odd as he tried to figure out where Sirius would best like to sit. He was counting eighteen adult place settings when there were only sixteen to have arrive.


	69. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 4

Euphemia had set up a buffet style serve in the kitchen so that more people could sit at the table. Fleamont had squeezed in additional chairs to the long dining table that was only used when there was company. The kids would be set up in the front room adjacent to the dining room furnished with toys and snacks to keep them distracted while the adults had their fun.

Remus was shuffling himself back and forth from the table trying to reposition the cups. As soon as he got one to stand, he would shake the table just enough that another would fall. “Love, just let me help you.” Remus didn’t deny the offer, which was enough for him to take the reins. “Which chair do you want to sit in?”

“I was thinking we could sit in the middle on the side with the windows. That way there would be room for Regulus to sit next to you, Andromeda kiddy corner, James straight across. That way you can all be close.” Remus’ voice was soft, the way it often was when Remus felt childish for suggesting something.

“Sounds perfect. I’m sure that no one will object.”

“Did Fleamont invite one of his colleagues?”

Sirius hadn’t heard anything that he had. Just who was already here. “I’m sure they set up some extra just in case someone showed up.” After situating Remus and making sure he was comfortable, Sirius kissed Remus. Sirius knew that his love was overwhelmed. He didn’t like crowds of people or places that were too loud, but he knew that it was important. Remus had been the one to make this a possibility at all. A kiss could only do so much. He hoped that Remus could hear all the words he wasn’t saying, couldn’t say yet. The unfettered love that flowed from Sirius at the mere thought of him. All the hope and dreams he had for their future together. The moments that Sirius never thought he’d want with someone else, were things he never thought he could live without again. He was confident that even without words, his tongue was getting the message across.

The lovely bubble was ruined by Andromeda rapping her knuckles on the frame of the door. She was insistent on her topic of discussion being the utmost of importance. “Sirius I’m going to grab Regulus and I need you to meet me on the porch. Don’t let anything distract you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fine your highness.” Ensuring he did not earn her wrath by delaying; he grabbed his coat and straightway went to the front door. In the moment of quiet contemplation, Sirius thought of the time he had bused to the Potter’s house in the middle of the night. The the long driveway had seemed so much longer then. He thought of how that young boy would never have believed himself worthy of anything, let alone everything that had happened today. The sun was high and just in the corner of his eye he could see the lake reflecting the brightness of the ice that had formed over the last few months.

Andromeda had not taken her own advice and had obviously gotten distracted by how long Sirius waited outside by himself. It was freezing, but before he could head in, he saw Andromeda marching down the hall with Regulus in tow. “Now, please hear me out before you say anything.” Sirius was only half listening curious about the car he didn’t recognize pulling up to the driveway. Andromeda at the sight began to panic. “Don’t say I didn’t _try_ to tell you because I most definitely did, and you decided to make out with your boyfriend instead.”

-

Reg was impressed with the estate. When imagining where Sirius went all those years ago, he never gave a thought to Sirius not making it out before his parents got back. He wouldn’t have been able to handle the thought of leaving Sirius to once again take punishment for someone else’s actions. Instead, he worried that Sirius ended up in some foster system or on the street. He worried that Sirius went to bed at night starving and cold. Many times, he expressed his concern with the Longbottoms that he had done the wrong thing. Eugene had always told him that Sirius was sure to be a fighter from the stories he had heard and would be just fine. If they were to ever find were his brother was, that the Longbottoms promised take him with them in a heartbeat. Before they could look to far into where Sirius might have gone, his mother had sent them letters requesting the return of their son. Reg got too scared to pry into Sirius anymore so soon after leaving in fear of giving away his position as well. When the Longbottom’s returned his mother’s letter with a polite ‘fuck you’, the Blacks sued in court for custody. After custody was awarded to Eugene and Augusta, Regulus became Reginald. A sign that his past didn’t define him, and he could be something different that was he was raised to be.

“Do you prefer us to call you Reginald then?” Fleamont had taken Reg into his private study to pull out some photos books they had of Sirius “Sirius calls you Regulus, I wasn’t aware that your name had changed.”

“Close friends call me Reg and it’s a good compromise with Sirius too. He’s had a hard time transitioning so I thought I’d make it easier on him.”

Fleamont’s smile showed that he knew how inflexible Sirius could be. “Sirius always gets there in the end. He’s a good boy.”

“Has he gotten better now that he and Remus are home? Sirius ignored all my calls while they were out there. When I ask about it, he gives me really simple answers. I’ve been really worried he’d do something rash.”

Fleamont glanced around to ensure that Sirius was out of ear shot. “It was a rough go. Being back home has definitely helped return some stability back into his schedule.”

Reg understood all about Sirius’ particularness when it came to stability. He often pushed their biological parents to their limits and assumed he had done the same with his adoptive parents. People assumed that it was because Sirius thrived in chaos. Reg knew that it was the opposite. Sirius had his own code that he rigidly stuck by. To others it was chaos, to Sirius, it was his only way to get stability. It was the main reason that he was so concerned about a rushed proposal.

He believed that Sirius had a certain idea in his head of what marriage would be. When those pictures didn’t match in reality, he didn’t want Sirius to spiral and destroy his life and relationship in the process.

Andromeda burst into the study looking frazzled. “I have been searching the whole house to find you. You need to come out front immediately.”

Reg didn’t ask questions. He took his cousins hand as she led him down the stairs. “What’s going on? Why are you running like there’s a fire?”

“Sirius has been under a lot of stress so I didn’t tell him, and I was going to tell him today, but I didn’t get the chance and now there will be a fire if we don’t hurry.” Andromeda said in one breath.

“You didn’t tell him?!”

Andromeda glanced over to the car that had just pulled up. She ignored Reg’s outrage and turned to Sirius. “Now, please hear me out before you say anything. Don’t say I didn’t try to tell you because I most definitely did, and you decided to make out with your boyfriend instead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooohhhh let the drama start... sorry in advance for the rough chapters. I always promise a happy ending though. I hate sad ones. Everyone should get what they want. :)


	70. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't leave anyone on a cliffhanger for too long. Enjoy the drama ;)

Sirius had been expecting strangers. Instead, two very familiar platinum blondes stepped out of the car. Anger boiled in his stomach and the blood froze in his veins. “What the hell are they doing here?”

Andromeda grabbed him by his shoulders and tried to focus his attention on her. “Do you think it’s important to allow people to change?” It was a repetition of her earlier question.

“Did you invite Bellatrix too? Thought you’d all be able to sing and dance and enjoy the merriment of the holidays together? Did you plan on ruining the holidays for me or is this a happy accident?”

His cousin glared at him with the same anger in her eyes. “Now wait just a minute that’s not what this is. You haven’t even heard what’s actually going on.”

Regulus walked through the two cousins standing toe to toe, pushing them apart while walking down the car. “Narcissa, it’s good to see you.”

Narcissa handed off the large pot of wheat off to Lucius, her husband now, from what Sirius had last heard. Sirius was expecting a cold welcome from the cousin, but she threw her arms around Regulus like he was a lifeboat. “I’ve been so worried about you. They said you’d been lost, and they couldn’t find you. After they found Sirius, I was so worried that something had happened to you.” More bubbling came when Regulus returned the hug. He was hugging her as if she had never done anything wrong. The newly arrived started up the stairs. He could now see a multitude of different plants in Lucius’ arms while Regulus and Narcissa walked up arm in arm.

At the top of the stairs, Narcissa let go of Regulus to come hug Sirius. All he could hear in his head was ‘physical affection is unbecoming of someone who is pure’. He took a step back and crossed his arms. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Narcissa looked towards Andromeda who shrugged. “Well, we’ve come to have Thanksgiving.” She started to wiggle a bundle of flowers out of her husband’s arms. In that horrible cultish hell he had grown up in, it was mandatory for children to learn the meanings of flowers, as they were often used to send messages. Emotions were so looked down upon there was a whole list of customs and rituals that were meant to express the way you were feeling without actually feeling them. The first bouquet was handed to Regulus was filled with chrysanthemums ( _happiness and a wish for long life_ ) and daffodils ( _new beginnings_ ). The second to Andromeda a mix of peach roses ( _gratitude_ ) and daffodils. The third were handed to him. It had the most variety of the three. Little blue hyacinths ( _sorrow_ ), peach roses, pink gladiolus ( _strength_ ), and daffodils.

Sirius wanted to throw them back at Narcissa at attempting to apologize. Instead he opted to send them a message back. He took the flowers and immediately let them hand upside down at his side. A clear symbol of unreturned feelings. “I’m going to ask one more time. What the hell are you doing here?”

Andromeda was the first to respond. “Narcissa contacted me about a week ago. They’ve been staying with me and Ted since. I thought it would be a good idea to introduce them to some other people who could understand. You know how hard it can be to assimilate”

“We’ve brought a gift for the hostess.” Narcissa motioned to the very large bundle of wheat.

Sirius was ready to yell for all of them to leave the premises, but Euphemia had come to gather them. “Hello! You must be Narcissa. Andy told me that she had invited her sister. Well, come in come in.” **_Did everyone know they were coming?_**

Lucius cleared his throat and held out the wheat for Euphemia to take. “We’ve brought a gift for the hostess of the house.”

“That’s so thoughtful of you.” As nice as Euphemia always tried to be, the extremely confused look on her face was undeniable through her smile. “What is it?”

“It’s wheat stalks. Given to hope wealth and bounty in exchange for your kindness.” Lucius explained. His condescending tone towards the woman he considered his mother made Sirius want to punch him in the face.

“Would it be ok for me to run it over to the garden? I want to make sure it’s properly planted.”

The cousins all looked between each other. For maximized ‘blessings’ the largest pot that was offered was supposed to go onto the table of the event. Placing it anywhere else was a symbol that other offerings were less than. It was horribly passive aggressive, but that’s how ‘The Society’ worked. He looked over to Narcissa hoping that the offense was enough to send her home, even if his mother didn’t mean it. The blonde she-devil had tears in her eyes at the unintended offense. “I understand.”

Andromeda stepped in to explain. “Typically, it goes into the house on the table if that fine.” Euphemia smiled, nodded, and went inside to place the hideous plant on the table. Andromeda leaned into her sister. “Just remember what we talked about. People live differently and it wasn’t meant to be an offense. She just wanted to make sure it was taken care of.”

With everyone else walking in, Sirius wanted nothing more than to walk the opposite way. Remus would understand if Sirius took the cab that had just dropped off the archangels from the abyss.

Before he could even turn to go, Regulus wrapped an arm around him. “You’ll get there in the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun duuuuuuuun.... sorry not sorry....
> 
> In the works, a proposal chapter, some jily love (cause they so cute), Sirius talking about his past (can you guess why that's brought up?), and some fluff to cleanse the pallet.


	71. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 6

“Grab your plates and head to the table. All of our guests have arrived, and I wanted to do some official introductions now that we have our whole family here.” Euphemia announced.

Remus had been seated for a while now and was grateful when Sirius brought out all his favorite foods for him instead of needing to get up again. When he tried to kiss Sirius, he had turned his head and just told him ‘not now’. It was confusing until a familiar face from Andromeda’s wedding walked in with a taller man. It was Natalie or Narca or something similar. The uncommon occurrence of Sirius talking about his family, meant that remembering names was hard to do when they were only mentioned once.

Andromeda must have a good reason for having her here if she was invited. Sirius had mentioned that Narcissa followed the rules to please her parents. Perhaps she finally was taking a stand of her own. Remus didn’t think Andromeda would bring her here if that wasn’t the case. In an attempt to be friendly, Remus waved and tried to grin over Sirius’ shoulder. Both guests were completely stone faced. The expression made him wonder if that’s what Sirius looked like when he lived with his parents.

“We’ve all met unofficially, but let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves.” Starting at the opposite end Euphemia introduced her and her husband. It moved around the table through each of the Longbottoms. When it reached Remus and Sirius, Sirius decided to be dramatic.

“If you can see my through the ugly dead grass that is gracing the middle of the table, I’m Sirius and this is Remus, my partner.” Sirius made a pointed look at the blondes. The woman was looking down at her lap, and the man seemed to not even notice.

No one else had mentioned the hideous center piece that Euphemia had placed in the middle of the table. Remus had wondered why Euphemia chose a bushel of wheat. He hadn’t questioned her when she brought it in to avoid being rude. **_Guess Sirius isn’t pleased to see his cousin and was going to make it everyone’s problem._**

“This is my wife, Doctor Olivia Longbottom. You all know me.” Reg tried to overcome the awkward air Sirius had created. “The better-looking brother. My name is Reginald, you all can call me Reg. I know that Sirius still calls me Regulus behind my back.” Everyone chuckled but Sirius.

“It’s because that’s your name.”

“He preferred to leave that name behind when he left home.” Olivia softly addressed Sirius. He glared at her and that said it all. Remus could hear the ‘ _like me’_ on the tip of his tongue. He was praying that it stayed there. She quickly tried to backtrack seeing the fight rise in his face. “It’s fine, but he just usually goes by Reginald.” A snort came from Sirius. Remus waited for more, but it didn’t come.

It was the blonde man with Sirius’ cousin next. The man was wearing a suit and looked to be as formal in personality as he was in his dress. “Lucius Malfoy and my bride.”

“Introduce her by her name jackass.” Sirius correctly rudely. He was positioned like a child being forced to attend a fancy party by his parents. Slumped in the chair, practically under the table. Remus refilled his soulmate’s empty champagne glass. The alcohol might dissolve some of the anger until they were able to leave the table.

Lucius took it all in stride. Not missing a beat. “I am not used to introducing her as well at public functions.” He gestured his hands towards his bride. “This is Narcissa Malfoy.”

The group waited for them to say more. It was for the pair of them that the family was doing formal introductions. No one but the original Blacks knew anything about the newcomers. A moment passed and it was clear no additional information would be offered.

“I’m Andy, this is my dear daughter Nyphadora, and husband Ted.” She motioned to her sister. “Narcissa and Lucius decided that they are going to live with us for a while they’re transitioning and assimilating.”

Everyone let out a noise of acknowledgement. Remus turned to Sirius. He thought that Sirius would be ecstatic that another family member was leaving the lifestyle that he so much despised. Instead Sirius focused on his plate where he was playing with a piece of food.

“Let us know how we can help. We’ve all had some secondhand experience in one way or another.” Fleamont motioned around the table. Again, another noise of agreement came from the table.

The two nodded and Remus swore he saw Narcissa smile for a moment. James made his and Lily’s introductions short claiming that his food was getting too cold. Sirius’ aura seemed to be chilling everything. It created a tension that made it slow to start conversation as everyone began eating but eventually the meal was in full swing despite his bad attitude.

Reg was nice enough to be extra attentive to Sirius, prying him out of his brooding. “I’ve heard that you guys are expanding business. That’s amazing.” They ended up talking about the applications of business’ looking for funding that Sirius had found particularly interesting.

Remus attempted conversation with Lucius. “What have you done for work?”

“My father left me an inheritance.” Lucius said. “Most of The Society have earned their wealth outside of the working class and have maintained it through managing it properly.”

Everything Lucius said seemed to be condescending. Remus had to remind himself that it was most likely a habit he picked up and not targeted so directly at him. “So, you’ve had some experience in the financial field?”

“You could say that.” Lucius looked him over. “How did you receive the scars on your face?”

 ** _That was straight to the point._** Remus assumed that it was his attempt at returning interest in him. “I was kidnapped when I was young and was really hurt by the man who did it.” Remus was trying to smile through the flashbacks. He didn’t need this on top of Sirius having his own meltdown.

Sirius pulled from his conversation to interject. “That was rude to ask.”

“Why?” Lucius’ tone remained neutral. Remus was sure now. It was either on purpose, to make others feel inferior, or completely on accident. There was no other explanation for how heartless this man presented himself. The two just maintained eye contact. **_A change of subject should help._**

“Tell me what you’ve been doing the past couple of days since arriving to Andy’s house.”

“Andromeda helped us find a public doctor to check the health of the boy Narcissa is carrying.” The stoic man shifted to a man filled with pride. “He’s small, but it could be due to…outer influences. The doctor guaranteed that Narcissa was doing everything correctly. The clinic was very helpful.”

Sirius’ eyebrows shot up at the announcement. “You went to a _clinic_?”

“There’s nothing wrong with going to a clinic. They’re doctors too.” Remus admonished. He didn’t understand why there was so much surprise. Remus had himself been treated at a public hospital just a few weeks ago.

The Blacks shared a look like Remus was the one out of the loop. He waited for a response, but they all seemed to be waiting for the others. Regulus drew the invisible short straw. “The way we grew up, a doctor needs to be pure to treat another pure. The thought is it essentially causes cross contamination if you don’t.”

That was an uncomfortable thought. The thought that someone was dirty and not worthy of _saving your life_ in a worst-case scenario just because they didn’t meet some crazy standard. He was sick in his stomach. The subject was quickly changed again. Remus felt like this would be a common occurrence this evening. “May I ask what caused you to leave after all these years? It’s such a difficult decision.”

Narcissa spoke up. “I don’t want my boy to be treated the same way many of us were treated.” As an immediate reaction the family seemed to go into a daze. “Thinking that my boy might be treated like any of us, especially you Sirius…” Her tears broke any illusion of an indifference appearance she was trying to portray. “Andromeda said that flowers might not be enough. That I would have to verbally address it.” Narcissa looked at her lap.

“I’ll owe you penance in place of my wife.” Lucius offered.

Sirius pushed away from the table and stood suddenly. “I get what you’re trying to do, but a normal world tip. You don’t offer penance; you say that you were wrong and apologize.”

Narcissa was chocking back sobs at Sirius’ tone. Covering her mouth in an attempt to stop them from coming. “I didn’t mean… for it to happen and it… all happened so fast… when it did. I begged… begged father to let… you out. He… wouldn’t hear it.”

Regulus rubbed her shoulder in comfort. “It’s ok. It’s fine.”

“ _You_ don’t get to say that it’s fine, Regulus! I still haven’t even heard an apology!” Sirius yelled. He then started yelling at the group of them. “I took punishments for each of you and none of you have ever apologized!” Glass was thrown against the wall, and all the food was long forgotten by the rest of the party. “It’s ok though, right? Because Sirius got punished _all_ the time. He was the family whipping post after all. If something happened, it was probably my fault anyway.”

“Sirius, I thought…” Andromeda tried. She was cut off by continued ranting.

“You thought that I was fine, but I wasn’t!” Sirius lowered his voice. “Today was supposed to be a happy day and you’ve all ruined it.” Sirius stormed from the table and up the stairs.

After a moment of silence, Euphemia got up to sweep the broken shards of glass. Andromeda moved Narcissa into a side room while Frank helped Regulus clear the table. Most of the family slowly moved into the kitchen and living room. James without a word between them pulled Remus to his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be sooooo fluffy healing i promise.  
> Jily will have a chapter soon.


	72. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving part 7

Sirius was splayed out face down on the bed when Remus finally got up the stairs. James had a hold on Remus’ hip and lifting all the weight off his legs so he could walk on his own. When the door clicked signally James had left, Sirius rolled into Remus’ lap without a word. Sirius still hid his face, but he could feel the tears soak through his pant leg.

“She should have told you.” Remus stroked Sirius’ hair. “I think the rest of us thought you would be happy they left. I wasn’t worried about you because I thought you’d want this.”

“Did you know she was coming too?”

Sirius sounded broken. Every emotion Sirius had was strong. Anger, grief, pleasure, they all came out at a hundred percent. Now, he was weak and broken. “No. I didn’t know she was coming. I would have told you.”

The two lay in silence. The only way that Remus could tell Sirius was still awake was every so often, Sirius would reach up and wipe the tears away. “I don’t want them here anymore. They both knew and didn’t tell me. Just tell them all to go home. Even _Reg_ too.”

“Sirius. Talk to me. Reg came all the way out here and you’ve been so excited for weeks.” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand the best he could to avoid bending the arm at an awkward angle. “Tell me why you’re so angry. What did she do to you?”

It took a few minutes for Sirius to even acknowledge the request. “We didn’t have Thanksgiving or Christmas. Not really, we essentially celebrated Yule, but not really Yule because it’s considered a dirty pagan holiday. To end the celebration, we have a feast a week or two before the end of the year. Hosting privileges would go to the ‘best’ member of the Society to host. There were all sorts of odd foods and traditions. One year, Narcissa’s father hosted and she was in charge of serving the main dish.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “The pheasants of the spring who have never flown. It was considered a delicacy and the birds had been raised for this all year. Narcissa dropped the dish while I was in the kitchen on a task from Walburga.” His eyes glazed over. “She blamed it on me. As the wronged party, Cygnus got to choose my punishment. He thought it was very fitting to…” Sirius sat up and covered his eyes. “By the time I came out of the cellar, it was the new year.”

All of the Black children had obviously gone through deeply scarring events being subject to this lifestyle, but to knowingly push blame onto someone, knowing that they’d get punished was awful. Even now, his family only saw him as the lone wolf outcast. He didn’t know how they still saw that. Here right in front of his was a small boy, begging to be loved and protected.

“You can’t carve the experiences out of you as much as you might want to.” Remus placed his hand on Sirius’ back. “I’m here to make sure you are safe now. I’ll make sure that younger you that is still deep down in you that you’ve tried so hard to bury knows that he’s safe now.” Remus reflected on all the things he would do to prove that to Sirius. “He’s going to be scared when he first comes out. He won’t know what’s going on. You’ll have to work through all of those emotions with your younger self. You’ve done such a good job keeping yourself seemingly normal. The Potter’s make it seem seamless because they’re so kind, but you jumped from one end of the spectrum of family dynamics to the other. You need to let yourself breath and allow your past to be a inspiring part of you, so it doesn’t turn into a dark all-consuming part of you.”

Remus pulled Sirius back into his shoulder. The two lay curled together, their legs intertwined. The house was quiet and there was a soft ambience of children playing in the yard outside the window. Remus thought of last winter, how he thought he was fine with being alone. He thought of the countless nights he watched the romance movies that showed partners cuddling up. Him scoffing because his blanket had seemed warm enough to him and too small to share. This winter, it might as well be summer with Sirius in his arms.

“I know Euphemia had more planned for the day. Do you think they’ll want to stay still?”

Remus didn’t have to consider it for a moment. “I know that Andy and Reg will be there until the end of time for you. I can ask the others to leave if you’d like. If you want them here, they’ll stay.”

“I feels too easy to go back out there.”

“You can have complex feelings about people and still be around them. Relationships don’t have to be simple. People will still love you if the relationship is messy. Our relationship is messy. Do you love me any less for it?”

Sirius seemed to ponder it for a moment “Is it messy?” His face crumbled “I’ve tried so hard to not make it messy.”

“I love it messy. It’s ours to make messy and rearrange how we please. We do everything a little different from the rest.”

“What if we made it more like other people?” It was vague and Remus had no idea what he meant by that.

“I like what we have.” Remus brushed Sirius’ hair back and rubbed his soulmate’s tears away. “You ready to go out?”

Sirius pushed his nose back behind Remus’ ear. “Just a minute more.”


	73. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cutesy fluff.

The family had all taken to different parts of the estate by the time James came back down. It had been a tense day. James was always on Sirius’ side, but Sirius didn’t need him right now. Neither did Remus. In fact, both would be preoccupied for at least thirty minutes. Just enough time to take the all-terrain wheelchair on the frozen lake. He wanted to see if it really was all-terrain. In the kitchen, where the machine was parked, Lucius sat at an empty table just staring at the center piece.

“My good man, I have a task for you. Do you know how to use a stopwatch?”

Lucius slid his eyes over to the electronic stopwatch that James was holding out to him. His pale face tinted with a bit of color. “I have a pocket watch to keep time.”

James shook his head. “I need it on this one so I can prove how fast I was able to do it. Here I’ll teach you on the way.” He started up the chair and motioned for Lucius to sit. His brows furrowed at the motion.

“I’m not a cripple. I can walk on my own.” He practically spit at James. It had been quite a while since James had to deal with the heat of ‘noble anger’. Sirius often had it when he first moved in. Teachers would offer an extension on an assignment and he would huff that he didn’t need any help. Family therapists would ask about what Sirius needs from the Potter’s at home and he would tell everyone that he was able to take care of himself.

“Remus isn’t cripple. You need to not refer to him as such again.” He had to remember patience. It was key to making sure that they didn’t feel outcasted by a support group that could benefit him and his wife greatly. “I didn’t offer because I thought you were cripple.” Lucius stilled eyed James. “It will be easier to teach your how to use the stopwatch on our way there if you sit in the chair and I steer.” James stood his ground, motioning for Lucius to sit down. “Come on, we don’t have all day. Lily will try to stop me when she sees us, and Sirius won’t let anyone else in the chair. _Even though_ Remus said it was fine.”

Eventually Lucius was coaxed into the chair and James went over how to use the stopwatch. James knew he had to work fast. The women were in the kitchen and would be able to see him going to the lake before he actually got there. If he ran the last bit, he could get on the ice before anyone stopped him.

“Now, press the start button when I get on the ice, press the button I showed you to do each lap, and then the start button again when I finish.”

James got into the chair and left Lucius under the tree. He got onto the ice before he heard Lily scream. “James Fleamont Potter, you get off that ice with Remus’ wheelchair before I get down there.”

James kept going. He didn’t even look back to yell. “Just three laps! Remus said it was fine.”

The chair was fast when he turned the motor to max. The technology was meant for the adventurous person who still wanted to keep up with others when they couldn’t rely on their own legs. It was so expensive for those features and Remus kept it on Grandpa speed. When he reached his original start, he yelled to Lucius. “LAP!” and continued on his way.

Lily was standing under the tree too with her arms folded. He would deal with it later. He wasn’t going to let the future scolding get in the way of the wind in his hair. He was coming up on the imaginary finish line. When he crossed it, he got up out of the chair and jumped in the air with excitement. “Did you see that Lily? It was so fast! I even got it to drift a time or two.”

James victory dance was cut short by a deep crack. He had misjudged how thin the ice was this close to the edge of the lake. James fell straight down into the freezing water. Luckily the water was only waist deep to begin with. Lily came running down the way as James tried to pull himself out. He was able to get to the edge of the lake pushing the chair, just as she got there.

“What were you thinking?” James was shivering too hard to listen much more beyond that.

“Can I get into new clothes first?” Lily looked him over for any cuts before leading him into the house. “Lucius, what was my time?”

Lucius looked down at the watch. “Eight minutes to go around the whole thing. Your fastest lap was a little over two minutes.”

“You know you have two little boys who need their dad now. Pulling stunts like that makes me scared that you’ll get hurt.”

James smiled at his overly worried wife. “When their here, I’ll be able to take them with me.”

“You, Potter will do no such thing. I’m going to equate that to the hypothermia that is no doubt setting in.”

He smiled to his wife. “Yes dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more jily next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated. Kudos will be cuddled. Every read and bookmark is celebrated with a special dance. Feel free to bring a friend next time too. Thank you for all the love.


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